~ archived since 2018 ~

What progress and solidarity looks like.

February 25, 2021
3868 upvotes
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[–]ciceriiFDS Newbie222 points223 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My ex used to always compare me to women in a positive light and say I'm not dramatic, materialistic, wear a lot of makeup, etc. But oh how the tables turned when he started comparing me to other girls he thought were better. That's when I realized if I guy says you're better than other girls it's a huge red flag.

[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie83 points84 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely. Don't expect the comparisons to other women to end there

[–]BlazingHazardFDS Newbie197 points198 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

It's a form of negging in my opinion, it's still putting you down with a fake compliment. Putting the pressure on you to not be like the lame other girls'

[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice53 points54 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree it's negging but at the same time it's also conditioning.

They tell you in no certain terms you need to be walking on eggshells around them because you don't know exactly what (unspecified) behaviors can set them off.

And it places the woman at the end of this "compliment" under immense pressure! She needs to constantly meet the expectations set upon them to not be like other girls. It's disturbing.

[–]CassieGreen85FDS Disciple35 points36 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's a form of negging in my opinion

Don't worry about softening your words here sis, no LV dusty scrotes to tell you off.

[–]AbbyDean1985FDS Newbie11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is how i feel too, just not able to articulate it as well.

[–]notstrongenoughyet0FDS Newbie328 points329 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

2022: *ghosts with no explanation*

[–]LuckyCharmsLassFDS Newbie115 points116 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Haha...

I did that. Was dating a fellow. He was clearly interested, and I was basically 'wait and see'.

One day, he was saying that people making over $75k didn't need a stimulus. This is CA. I was a single mom in CA (kids are grown now). I made over that amount by quite a lot toward the end of my career, and still found it hard sometimes to stay financially healthy. I said, 'you must not have ever been a single mom'. He said, no, my wife stayed home with our kids while I worked. I said, good for you. Then I said, childcare during COVID has become very expensive. He said, well, people are working from home. I ghosted.

I could have said, but didn't, "I wonder if their isn't a healthcare provider out there on the front lines that just might be making over $75k and needs childcare to go out to work to save your dumb ass from the COVID."

Im pretty sure he feels like I'm an unreasonable bitch. The thing is, he lacks empathy. Completely. First sign of a personality disorder. I was proud that I didn't need to educate him, or straighten out his perceptions. Just gone.

[–]pineycitrusforestFDS Apprentice8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Glad you got out of there. That kind of thing makes my blood boil.

[–]XRozeFDS Newbie3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

our signature move and it never gets old :D

[–]ErineldaFDS Apprentice254 points255 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I never took "compliments" like that. Not just because they put down other women but I feel like they are a subtle form of manipulation and control. Now that girl feels she can't be upset with him as to not be seen as "dramatic". I would have responded in 2010: "Ha, you ain't seen nothing yet" and now I'd just block. I'd rather we all just block them and roast them here so they don't get sneakier lol.

[–]esoldeluluFDS Newbie75 points76 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh they definitely are manipulation and control tactics. It’s a covert way to signal to you that you shouldn’t be DrAmATiC or that lumps you in with the “other girls.” And you don’t want to be with the other girls, right? You want to be special cuz you so are. Yes, you are. Good girl. 🤢🤢🤢🤮

[–]flowersfromtheheartThrowaway Account233 points234 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's just sad how they try to pit women against one another with such sly comparisons. "I'm expecting you to be a Cool Girl unlike all those other women, so if you want to get picked, make sure you conduct yourself like a sex vending machine and don't have any emotions or expectations of me." Just no, dude.

Also it begs the question, if a guy constantly experiences "drama" with girls, then what exactly is he doing that they all end up being upset at him? It's not her, it's him.

I think it's rather fruitless to try to explain anything to such misguided little boys, though. They might choose their words more carefully next time (not a beneficial thing for us), but they won't truly understand.

[–]FMAB-EarthBenderFDS Newbie43 points44 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That first part gave me chills.

make sure you conduct yourself like a sex vending machine and don't have any emotions or expectations of me."

Guys said you aren't like other girls so many times to me growing up im nauseaus thinking about all the bad that could have happened. This line was used by older ones to, trying to coax me to continue to be cool and maybe let them have sex with me. Ew.

I'm glad I'm old enough to understand now that when people say things like this it hurts all women.

[–]Extra-Tadpole4909Throwaway Account126 points127 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Whenever I encounter this I always tell them: "All women have good qualities, it's just not you who can truly see it."

[–]SpaceC4seFDS Newbie24 points25 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is so amazing, kudos.

[–]Extra-Tadpole4909Throwaway Account22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nothing but f.a.c.t.s. 💅

[–]Mind-ObjectiveFDS Apprentice0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

🏆🏆🏆🏆

[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice114 points115 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Finally: realizing that we don't have to compete with other women over men like they are a precious resource when they are not.

solidarity between women

[–]atouchofrazzledazzleFDS Newbie17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"You're not dramatic", which is code for, "I don't like women to have feelings or show emotions, and so far you haven't opened up around me and I'd like to keep it that way".

[–]xiao_sabihaFDS Newbie61 points62 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've been seeing more and more content like this, and I hope young girls are seeing it as well! Would love if they see right through all the attempts to get them to hate other girls.

[–]MomoKun999FDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My daughter is, you better believe it! I’m hoping she sends it along to all her girlfriends.

[–]CoffeeAndCorpsesFDS Newbie32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I had an ex praise me for being "low maintenance".

I didn't realize in those days it was code for "I can take you for granted and still get sex."

[–]blackwidoweFDS Newbie24 points25 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Me then and now, "oh, many women are dramatic around you? You must just be a dick."

[–]MomoKun999FDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nice!

[–]NeoprudeThrowaway Account8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The next time I hear this, I'll reply that whether or not I'm "like other girls" doesn't matter - he's clearly like other men.

[–]metalbunnieFDS Newbie16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"You have the personality of a dude, I like that" - not convinced that men like women at all, really.

[–]soundslikeautumnFDS Newbie14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

These scrotes out here! Maybe women are "dramatic" because once a woman has put up with a lifetime of bullshit from guys she finally snaps. Most women aren't "crazy" by default. Men drive us to it and once they've succeeded they call us dramatic and crazy. That is exactly why if a man says all of his ex girlfriends were crazy I know HE is the problem and not THEM.

[–]americansunflowerFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Have a convo w a guy and don’t say anything: wow you’re not like other girls lmao

[–]KimpracticalFDS Disciple24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

More like...

Me now: blocked

[–]AliceHart76 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's interesting because for 2010 even the post makes it clear that the girl isn't too sure at that time that that statement is a compliment.

[–]evedeeveFDS Newbie10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

That's how it started for me... I wish I had questioned it more... Despite knowing better, and having that bad instinct when a man told me "I don't like dating insert specific race. They are too high maintenance" I gave HIM the benefit of the doubt. Despite me saying I don't want to date irl (cuz we are in a pandemic) he kinda threw it on my face asking why I was on a dating website "to get a pen pal?" I felt icky then but still gave him the benefit of the doubt and laughed it off with him and met with him. I had panic attacks for two days straight because I felt so dirty after he kissed me and potentially put my mom in danger (she has an autoimmune disease and taking immunosuppressants) I'm so stupid I know. Cried so much. Then he kept asking why I didn't tell him. Idk. He also kept tryna push me into sex. I told him no several times and he kept trying. He kept asking why. I told him I was on my period, I already didn't want to even kiss him at that point, just kept up the charade cuz I'm an idiot. And he says "Sex is important to me because I don't wanna just have it with anyone." I didn't know what to say. I told him, in a very shy tone but firm enough, imo: "I don't want to sound yoy know bad but like, I am a girl, it's easier for me to get. So no. I don't want to." He stopped but kept calling me a tease. I felt bad and just didn't want to meet with him anymore anf I also didn't want to be the "bad guy" so ignored him until he broke it off. I feel like this sub helps me so much but not practicing things like I should be. I made a small achievement in standing my ground, but somedays I feel so defeated. I wish I was stronger already...

[–]pineycitrusforestFDS Apprentice9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Rehearse in your head what you would do if it happened again (I mean, clearly the race comment was an immediate block and delete) but every step of the way. The more you envision yourself doing the best for yourself, the easier it will be next time. And you learned something from it.

[–]azureangel35FDS Apprentice[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

you're not an idiot sis-you need to talk kindly to yourself and about yourself. we are all indoctrinated into the system of patriarchy before we are even aware of what it is. you just described my life from 14-18yrs old. you are strong for standing up to him-he used every slimy NVM tactic in the book. Take some time to love yourself first-you need a strong foundation of that before you wade into dangerous dating waters. don't let anyone steamroll over your boundaries-they aren't worth it. stay strong!

[–]blue_crystal_ringThrowaway Account5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am absolutely proud with how far we've come.

[–]bite_sizedbitz3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

GROWTH!! Honestly, learning to set boundaries with everyone including complete strangers has been life changing for me.

[–]smilodon91Throwaway Account3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"gee, you're not a rapist misogynist murderer like all the other boys."

[–]Interesting_Day1188FDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why you gotta call me out like that, OP?

But truly, this post is exactly what I was thinking about myself the other day.

[–]MerleErEnPerleFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"All the other girls from your country are boring, but not you"

... Uhm, thank you i guess? Then why are you even here?

[–]mirodusFDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Now : you’re not dramatic like other girls :) Me: (looks at him and does not respond)

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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