"Why didn't she say no?" BECAUSE YOU DON'T EVER TAKE NO AS AN ANSWER.

IgetUsernameScraps · 2021-01-07T14:15:37+00:00

If I invited a guy back to my place (before I was ready for sex), I would try to dress fairly plainly. Bordering on tomboy-ish. And I would wear PANTS because, with dresses, it’s too easy for you to have your hands in my panties before I can even object.

And guess what? Despite all that, they generally still tried to get my pants off right away. But the effort required gave me enough time to say “no” AND relocate myself physically so that he couldn’t try again.

“Just say no” is bullshit.

EDIT: I’m now remembering when my college roommate told me that, if I’m walking around campus late at night, to avoid sweatpants. I said “But aren’t sweatpants good? It’ll make men less attracted to you right?” (Oh, what a sweet summer child I was at 18!) My roommate literally cackled and said, “Are you crazy? Men will rape anyone. Sweatpants are too easy to pull down. Jeans are better.”.......... God help us, ladies. God help us.

nomaki221 · 2021-01-07T14:41:46+00:00

spanx/tights/shapewear are really good too 🤗 they don’t know how to squeeze their hand down there

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2021-01-07T15:15:05+00:00

I have a theory that a lot of men are told "no" so infrequently throughout their childhoods that they're literally incapable of processing it as an adult.

The amount of men who have gotten mad and asked me why I "didn't just tell them no" about something after I did very loudly, multiple times is absurd.

MOzarkite · 2021-01-07T16:18:55+00:00

A little OT maybe, but as an Old :

Back in the 1970s, cops and other "Authority Figures" used to say that rape victims "had it coming" because they "walked around in tight jeans". Young people laughed at them back then : "Don't they know that tight jeans are practically chastity belts?"

Got online in 1997. And then, just a few years later , I started reading about cops criticizing rape victims because they had worn A Dress, or A Skirt. Not a clubwear black leather micro mini skirt (not that ANY garment excuses rape) , but just basic everyday officewear dresses and skirts. And the cops just came right out and said, girls and women that wear skirts or dresses are "asking for it" because those garments are "easy access, everyone knows that!"

Anything to excuse men and blame women.

onlyeightfingers · 2021-01-07T13:45:59+00:00

Fasten your belt at your side or at your back. I wish this wasn’t a tip I had to give.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-01-07T14:40:05+00:00

I've done that.

cmore_money · 2021-01-07T18:41:05+00:00

My only question is, Why would you even hang out with someone like this? I hate that men in general have become such BEASTS that she feels that uncomfortable in their presence. If it were me, I’d refuse to be “hanging out” with any of them.

chateauduchat · 2021-01-07T14:26:34+00:00

Maybe people think buying a Gucci belt is stupid, but not only am I fashionable but I have an extra layer of protection against fukbois.

Lionoras · 2021-01-07T19:29:01+00:00

I don't know if this fits, but this reminded me of a childhood experience I had:

When I was young, I'd hang around with a group of guys (tomboy). Near our playground there was little girl that loved pulling down people's pants (for...some reason?), which was pretty easy because most wore these easy children's jeans.

In fact, I was one of the few children in my school to even own a belt (as crazy as it sounds) and guess what? She never could pull my pants down. One time, she got so mad about this that she asked me "Why do you always got to wear a belt?" and I just responded: "Why do YOU always want to drag my pants down?" to which she just pouted.

In this situation, I could bet it's the same.

"Man, baby girl, why do you always wear a belt?"

"Why do YOU always try to drag my pants down without my consent?"

"uh..."

Carpedictum · 2021-01-07T16:48:22+00:00

[deleted]

TwirlingSquirrel · 2021-01-07T18:20:09+00:00

Reminds me of how Brett Kavanaugh’s intended rape victim, Dr. Ford, was partially saved because she had a 1-piece swimsuit on under her clothes

trashbagbaby · 2021-01-07T19:19:44+00:00

I want to share a horrifying story that I cannot stop thinking about since seeing this post (CW, it's definitely fucking awful):

When I moved to the city for college I got on tinder. Kind of to date around I guess, but mostly to meet cool people who knew about cool places since I had just moved there.

Aaaaanyway, I matched with some guy he took me to this rlly fucking cool tea place (that I actually have been working at for 5 years and love it dearly) and then we walked around. He was like "you wanna come over" and I was like "nope!" Then he asked if he could come inside bc we walked back to my house. I knew my (male) roommates were home, so I felt pretty safe. We were sitting on the couch in the living room talking when he started kissing me. I didn't really want to but it was just easier to go along with it.

THEN he started unbuttoning my pants (these pants had like 5 buttons going down the crotch), and I was like "umm I don't want to do this." He put his fingers in me anyway and said he "knew I wanted it." I tried saying other things like "my roommates are home, this is their fucking couch, etc." as well as "no" two more times. He just kept smiling and saying I wanted it as it I were fucking playing hard to get. I literally had to push him off of me on the couch in MY OWN LIVING ROOM, and then I ran downstairs to the basement where I could hear him playing guitar. He didn't know I was home and when the dude came downstairs after me I acted like everything was fine. After like 20 minutes of the three of us hanging out I told my roommate that my "friend" was just leaving.

When I walked him to the door gave me fucking puppy-dog eyes and asked if I would see him again. I said no, closed the door and locked it. Ran downstairs to my roommate/very close friend and we hung out bc I just wanted to feel better and forget about what had just happened. I didn't tell friend what happened.

The kid would show up to my work place sometimes after he found out I worked there. The first time he came in and saw me he was on a Tinder date. After she left he came up to me, while I was DOING MY JOB, and said "I didn't really click with her, and I'm not going to see her again. Would you like to go out some time?" Like,, how DARE you?????

He harassed me for some time after that. I blocked his number eventually.

I have grown since this event, obviously. At the time, though, I was really scared and I felt so small. I f any younger girls/nbs are reading and have experienced this, it's not your fault. You did not deserve what happened to you; you are loved and worth so much. Much more than the person who hurt you.

Sorry for the long post, and sorry if some of it is hard to understand or poorly-worded. I haven't shared this story really, and this post made me want to.

autumnxo92 · 2021-01-07T18:01:01+00:00

Done this many times. Spoiler alert: it still doesn't deter them.

shanticlause · 2021-01-07T19:22:39+00:00

Honestly, I started wearing rompers and jumpsuits for a similar reason. My wardrobe is very tomboyish. I would tuck my flannel into my pants, but it still wouldn't stop a guy from trying to get to my bra but unearthing the yards of fabric of my flannels.

It's one of those things were I would politely try to move their hands away, and then they just keep going after like a minute of cooling down.

It happened far too frequently that I was like ... no entrance for anyone, not even me. No peeing tonight.

I know I shouldn't have to, but it's just easier for there to be no entrances to any part of my body.

cmore_money · 2021-01-07T18:43:33+00:00

A gun or knife is even better.

anotherdamnloser · 2021-01-08T03:42:58+00:00

I don’t fly well and I take Xanax and pass out. So I wrap a blanket around me really right like a dress, under my arm pits to my knees.

poison_snacc · 2021-01-08T14:39:25+00:00

Don’t “hang out” with men

RojavaLover · 2021-01-08T12:03:55+00:00

Why are women hanging out with men who they feel uncomfortable with? This is so disturbing to me.

It’s one thing to dress as you want and hang with a guy cause you don’t suspect anything (normal).

It’s something else when you suspect rape from a guy but continue to entertain him but making amends by dressing in an unattractive or “secure” way.

How about just don’t fucking hang with them and spread the word to other women that they are rapists?

For fuck sake.

Title	"Why didn't she say no?" BECAUSE YOU DON'T EVER TAKE NO AS AN ANSWER.
Author	_xyoungbellax_
Upvotes	1191
Comments	60
Date	January 7, 2021 1:42 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ksdhq2/why_didnt_she_say_no_because_you_dont_ever_take/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-didnt-she-say-no-because-you-dont-ever-take-no.735368 https://theredarchive.com/post/735368