Women calling other women “insecure” about enforcing basic boundaries in relationships

314 points126 commentssubmitted by [deleted] to r/GenderCritical

So, I’m in a support group and today a woman posted looking for advice because her boyfriend had told her he wants to experience a “sexual phase” he missed out on years before (or whatever the fuck that means), but wanted to continue their relationship and allow her to do the same.

A second woman had posted in response to her explaining she had been in the same situation, and how at first when her boyfriend had suggested the same, she was hurt, “crossed boundaries” by checking his phone, etc, but over time learned to trust him and that she was happy in her relationship. She was basically encouraging OP to try it out and see if it would work for her.

I commented on the response by asking her why she settled for a man like that, to which she responded she was in love and he was all she needed. My response to that, although kind of petty, was “shame he doesn’t feel the same about you.”

This lead to an accusation of me being insecure and not understanding how her relationship works, etc. I admit I could’ve responded with a little more ease, but nonetheless why was I immediately labeled insecure because I disagree with the dynamic of staying with a man while he sleeps around?

Am I supposed to believe that I’ll learn to trust someone more when I know he’s sharing himself with other women that aren’t me? I get that poly is a popular concept nowadays, but it isn’t something people should be suggesting to everyone having a hardship in their relationship. To assume I’m insecure because I refuse to settle for someone who puts their sexual desires ahead of our relationship is absurd imo

Her comment reminded me of the countless women who accused me of being insecure because I didn’t like my husband watching porn. I used to believe that too, until I realized that it isn’t insecure to want the same respect from someone as I give to them. I wish it weren’t so common to just label women as insecure for being strict in what they’ll tolerate in their intimate relationships. Our feelings are valid too yet they somehow are always regarded as less important in a relationship than the man’s.

Nothing is insecure about wanting respect. Nothing is insecure about wanting exclusivity. I feel like an alien in this world nowadays even trying to explain this to other women.

Edit: whomever awarded me for this, thank you ❤️