I constantly see women giving cheating men far too much credit and saying it’s cos they’re not satisfied. And it’s cos they weren’t enough for that man. They’re basically internalising his cheating as something wrong with them. The truth is often at the opposite end of that.
I don’t think most women understand cheating is often about knocking a woman’s confidence down and having control. Because if you believe you’re better and you’re so dissatisfied with someone - you leave. There’s a reason cheaters don’t. Cheating is abuse and covert violence on your body/health. Many threatened men will cheat to knock your esteem down.
If a man really sees no value in you or thinks you’re too much hassle/high maintenance he won’t care what you think of him at all. He will actively try to turn you off him and go very cold. He will not hide his cheating/intentions/bullshit. He will openly admit he’s an ass and do everything to make you stay off his tail. Because his intention is for you to leave him alone.
Think about it- when you want a guy to stay away you will turn cold, disinterested and aren’t trying to prove yourself. You want him to get bored and drop away. You don’t really care what he thinks of it.
Most of these men were below your league to begin with and they’re perfectly aware they’re bluffing to get you. They are scared you will wake up and reject them. Most men cheat out of insecurity/to knock a woman’s ego down and gain the upper hand- otherwise they’d just go be fucking single drama free.
If they truly were drowning in better options they’d just leave and go be with them. That’s what a high value person will do bc they know they always get interest. When I’m not satisfied in a relationship I just leave and go explore better options.
Lol men will cheat even if they are satisfied. Most times a guy cheats out of insecurity to feel ‘level’ with that woman’s confidence /options or because he got an ego boost from being with that woman. Most times he’s cheating because he knows she mentally checked out and he’s on borrowed time. Cheating is a cope. But he forgets just how much effort he had to put in to get her.
For example if a man gets into a relationship with a high value woman and invests 90% of his time and energy on her - it’s high stakes if that woman leaves.
He knows this which is why he is investing 90% of his time and energy to keep her there because he knows if he doesn’t she will bounce and has too many options. He knows she’s valuable and gets plenty interest otherwise he wouldn’t be doing that.
However should this woman ever challenge his fragile ego and question his shady behaviour he will panic she’s going to leave /hurt his ego/reject him and start cheating to pump his fractured esteem back up. He starts lining up his safety net to cushion the fall. He’ll be thinking ‘what I put in all this effort and she’s not going to take my shit? She clearly doesn’t worship the ground I walk on ouch - I’ll show her’. Remember the LVM has low esteem and has to use smoke and mirrors to keep a high value woman there. When she sees through it and sn’t impressed his ego takes a hit.
He will gaslight the HWV and do the most to convince her he’s genuine - hoover her back in. Yet if she continues to challenge his ego he will default and run to Pickmeisha for breadcrumbs of attention- he will desperately try to line up her replacement . He needs to feel wanted incase HWV drops him like a hot cake. He knows he isn’t replacing her fast so lines up a load of pick mes to pump his ego and convince himself he is in demand.
Remember low value men in disguise have fragile egos and it would massively sting if a HVW rejected them first. Which is why they try beat you to it. If they sense you pulling away or not being impressed -they will try regain control of the narrative to reject you. That’s why cheaters cling onto you. So they can ‘reject’ you.
More often than not the women he is cheating with are low value and know he has a girlfriend. Because I’m sorry if you’re only tolerating 10% effort from a guy when he’s not available 90% of the time- that says a lot about those women. High value women with healthy esteem wouldn’t tolerate that. If a guy is giving 10% effort or goes awol all the time- I assume he’s seeing someone else and bounce.
Most times these women have low esteem and are naive/desperate. A lot of times they are low value and willing to play side chick and put up with stuff the HWV gf wouldn’t. Some of them get off on taking someone else’s man and think that means he values them more. Lmao no. They’re just in the honeymoon stage with him and have yet to find out he’s a bluffing asshole or they don’t care so long as they get attention . However he will feel on cloud 9 as HWV has started to see through him and pull away whereas the side plate is in the idealisation puppy stage and thinks he’s great (she may even believe his evil gf story) . He will convince himself she’s going to turn out better. That he’s not made a mistake.
Quite often when they’re unsure whether the side plates are better/worthwhile and think they made a mistake - they will drag it out with the HVW and deny their cheating /bullshit and try to gaslight her in the hope they can keep that door open in case they can’t get better. But obviously a HVW won’t tolerate those games. The door is closed shut. She’s disgusted and lost all respect for him. Depending on how wounded his ego is - he may or may not try to crawl back later on. If the HWV shot his ego down real bad - he won’t come back for more. Cos he knows she isn’t having any more of it.
But sooner or later he will go through the same process of idealise, devalue and discard with the side plate. Because these men are huge commitment phobes- intimacy frightens them because they don’t really love themselves. Insecure people can’t stay loyal in committed longterm relationships. They can’t be alone long. Their ego is too fragile to be vulnerable. They constantly need narcissistic supply and to feel in control.
If there’s an argument or the relationship hits a rough patch they get insecure and cheat as they’re frightened they’re going to get discarded soon or assume she is going to cheat. It’s a very childish anxious attachment style and obviously they can’t keep genuine ppl around long because they can’t tolerate anything other than complete adoration. They live in fantasy land where a woman must be ‘damaged’ or not love them unless she submits to all their faults, lies and abuse.
Realistically no high value woman is going to submit to their demands and double standards...only women with a catalogue of issues and a lack of options /esteem will stay longterm and this hurts their ego bc they feel deserving of the best. Insecure people are huge control freaks and always want to control the narrative so they look like the good guy. Even if they get someone they’re satisfied with- they will sabotage it. They can’t enjoy love or form healthy relationships. Their ego depends on knocking confident women down to their size. They can rarely ever be alone because their ego depends on external validation.
For this reason I never internalise a mans cheating or let it eat my esteem because they were always bluffing cowardly insecure chumps underneath their mask and you don’t try to knock down people you view as beneath you. These men are threatened and want to hack your confidence down - otherwise they’d leave and go get ‘better’. They wouldn’t try keep you around and gaslight you/plead for trust if you were so beneath them either. Nobody has authority to make you feel inferior unless you give them permission to first. I pity cheaters because they’re desperate pathological lying cowards. I see them as the insecure rejected weak one trying to hack me down to size. They aren’t strong enough in their self-value to be vulnerable or honest with themselves. That is a weak man.