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Words of advice to the Poly-debate. You aren't "radical" or "non-conformative" you are literally enforcing stereotypes as old as time. You are a HUGE part of the patriarchy. Charles Manson, other cult leaders and sultans etc all had harems of women, you are no different. We aren't buying your lies.

Lavender_flow
September 14, 2020
1486 upvotes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy
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Title Words of advice to the Poly-debate. You aren't "radical" or "non-conformative" you are literally enforcing stereotypes as old as time. You are a HUGE part of the patriarchy. Charles Manson, other cult leaders and sultans etc all had harems of women, you are no different. We aren't buying your lies.
Author Lavender_flow
Upvotes 1486
Comments 125
Date September 14, 2020 9:25 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/words-of-advice-to-the-poly-debate-you-arent.214482
https://theredarchive.com/post/214482
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ishnjo/words_of_advice_to_the_polydebate_you_arent/
Top posts by Lavender_flow

LOCK THEM ALL AWAY! Time to celebrate this success!

4182 upvotes
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Dr. Jess just out there spewing straight facts as usual.

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I said what I said. Stay mad.

2907 upvotes
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When it comes to snooping & men hiding things from their SO. The truth hurts! Let us normalize "snooping".

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THEY KNOW!

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Watch until the end!

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This is what male entitlement looks like. In response to WhY DoN't YoU WoMeN JuSt CoMmUnIcAtE MoRe. Men don't freaking listen.

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Men sending her hatred online launched her career. Stay mad.

1576 upvotes
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Comments

[–]LittlebirdddyFDS Newbie279 points280 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

Urgh I want to post about my experience with my poly ex so bad. He could not understand how being unemployed and using multiple women for things made him pathetic. I was such a pickme..

[–][deleted] 95 points96 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I'd love to read it! I've had similar experiences myself and have the hardest time forgiving myself.

[–]LittlebirdddyFDS Newbie85 points86 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I’ll write up a quick post! And we should forgive ourselves! We deserve it

[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie38 points39 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, please post. I feel like I don’t see many women post about how they feel being in poly relationships.

[–]azureangel35FDS Apprentice18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'm processing my former pickmesha ways in my blog. And you can see the FDS influence ;) https://everyoneelseishavingfun.com/2020/09/14/76/

Remember to be kind to yourself.

[–]ThisAintMyOnlyUNFDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This was a good post! I, too, hope for the time where women will collectively wake up.

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice62 points63 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

I've spent a lot of time in poly-friendly cities (Portland, San Francisco) and met a ton of poly people. I have yet to see a poly relationship that wasn't dysfunctional or abusive.

This is years and years of dealing with poly people talking. It's gotten to the point that my monogamous and single friends in those cities won't hang out with poly people because of how creepy and dysfunctional they are. My girlfriends and I have discovered the hard way that you can't even be friends with poly couples because they inevitably harass you.

If polyamory actually worked, poly people wouldn't constantly be justifying their choice as "ethical" polyamory - the implication being that poly is inherently unethical. Which it is. I have yet to see it work or its participants not be disrespectful creeps.

Polyamory seems like a cult made up of emotionally unavailable people, abusers, and cheaters looking for an excuse to cheat and browbeat their poor partner into compliance.

[–]shakethat_milkshakeKINKmeisha™️ on parole15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m in the Seattle-Portland area so this comes up often for me. I thought I knew one poly “triad” that actually made it work (1 man married to 1 woman, introduced 3rd woman later), lived under the same roof, and had three incomes to pay bills and take trips. I was like hm, that’s kinda smart. Suddenly, I come to find that the 3rd woman is out of the picture and the married couple won’t even acknowledge she ever happened. They’re monogamous only as far as I know now. Also the wife is on very specialized psych medication as of a few months ago. Idk what happened or if that’s even related, but.... 🤷‍♀️

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This doesn't surprise me at all. Poly relationships are rife with this kind of callousness, instability, and drama.

Poly couples seem to think single women should find it a compliment to be the husband's personal sex toy (to be disposed of at his leisure). It's delusional.

[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple25 points26 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I’ve spent a lot of time in/around kink communities and I’ve had the same experience. My extreme aversion to “poly” doesn’t come out of nowhere.

Any time the topic comes up, after 4749855883 horror stories, there’s always the posts “Oh but OURS/HE/SHE/THIS TIME is special/different!” which is literally the pickme credo.

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

And then on the rare occasion someone's honest, you find out the details are horrific.

There's a psychologist worth reading named M. Scott Peck. He wrote a lot about relationships. He said the mark of high value people was honesty, that low value people lie even to themselves, but the only hope for genuine love lies in total honesty even when the facts are inconvenient or uncomfortable.

So I get why low value people lie about this shit - because it's hard to admit to ourselves that we were wrong or that we've been betrayed, let alone over and over again. It's far easier to say we're ok with shitty behavior or that it's actually empowering.

[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So true. It’s difficult but VITAL.

[–]wozuha0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Agreed on the cult piece. I'm not intellectually against polyamory but I have friends who are poly and their "community" of friends set off alarm bells for me. For instance, coining terms like "compersion" that are used within the community to enforce the practice is weird. It's also weird to hear people ask each other if they've "experienced the feeling of compersion." Sounds eerily similar to the way god/enlightenment/etc are spoken of in cults.

In short, I think the community (like most small, intense communities) has the potential to be dangerous and oftentimes is dangerous. The people I know who are in open relationships and chill about it instead of making it their identity have much healthier relationships.

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I had to look this word up and it made me shudder when I read what it meant.

The cult comparison comes from a girlfriend of mine who lives in San Francisco. She said the poly community there is big, vocal, and insular, to the point poly people struggle with interacting with the outside world.

[–]wozuha0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

It's freaky! One of my friends had been cheated on in a previous relationship and when she would have a hard time with her new (poly) partner seeing another woman he would ask her if she was "practicing compression?" Shudder.

I would agree with trouble interacting with the outside world. I used to hang out with people in the community from time to time because my close friend is poly and would end up hanging out by myself! They were such an insular group they struggled to connect with someone like me who wasn't poly. It was odd.

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

"practicing compression"

Dare I ask?

They were such an insular group they struggled to connect with someone like me who wasn't poly.

This is exactly what my friends and I have noticed. It's like talking to people in a cult who've forgotten how the outside world works.

[–]wozuha0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh darn! I mean "compersion." This is why I shouldn't reddit on my phone.

And it's interesting to hear you and your friend have had a similar take. I don't know many people who have interactions with the poly community.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dooo iiiiit 🤷🏻‍♀️👍

[–]ThisAintMyOnlyUNFDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wrote about one of my experiences with the poly/swinger’s crowd - I think story telling is an important part of overall learning (and sometimes healing).

[–]blump_kinFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Omg can we hang about our poly exes??? I know no one IRL I can talk about this with

[–]washopingyoudaskFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What is a pickme? My ex convinced me to become poly as well, he couldn't find anyone, I did and fell in love. It became a HUGE problem for him.

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Read the handbook.

[–]modernmedusaaRuthless Strategist232 points233 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

Realistically if it’s hard enough to have a relationship with ONE man at a time, sharing him with 6 other pickmeisha’s isn’t going to be any easier.

[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple[S] 202 points203 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

these men cant even satisfy one woman, yet they think they deserve more. I laugh so hard at their dumbassery.

[–]what-i-dont-knowFDS Newbie96 points97 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

It is hilarious, plus the majority of them are unattractive.

[–]jackrusselterror1FDS Disciple74 points75 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Exactly! There’s actually a song that pokes fun at polyamory, I’ll drop the link here.

https://youtu.be/DTsdKycVZZ4

[–]what-i-dont-knowFDS Newbie34 points35 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This video is hilarious and so true.

[–]lawless_sapphistryFDS Newbie11 points12 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Holy god, I'm a poly woman in a mono relationship and I laughed my absolute tits off

[–]jackrusselterror1FDS Disciple32 points33 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Glad you enjoyed it!

Seriously though, being in a poly relationship sounds exhausting to me. I can barely find one man I’m attracted to, finding multiple men to date sounds like a whole extra full-time job. How on earth do you have the time or energy?

[–]inlieuofnothingThrowaway Account1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Chris fleming is great! Check out his other stuff!!

[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple55 points56 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly. Most of the polyamorous men I find online are fat ugly beckbeards or some sort of unattractive.

[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple[S] 30 points31 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

https://preview.redd.it/9i3z2yxcgsm51.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=10eb32bdb8df331b950f390b7da0d9bfb26e8b0a

Just leaving this gem here. LOL! So Sexy!

[–]what-i-dont-knowFDS Newbie14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Omg 😆 😆

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is so strange, i need context 😆😆😆

[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple[S] 19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It was posted on the poly sub. Someone left that drawing in a cabin they had rented.... some sexy people there....

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ah. I see. Haha. Well, everyone seems happy at least...

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

These types of men function with their blood all over their d*cks causing death on their brains.

This is why it's just a disservice to the society when women stay being pickmeishas because the men in their environment wouldn't think about building houses, hospitals, cancer cure or any innovative ideas within the society as they would think about how "dey d*ck game" is strong boy.

We aren't jungle primates anymore but people choose to degenerate to that state.

[–][deleted] 48 points49 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Omfg right

My last gf was still married (they were separated) but it was like being in a poly relationship because for the first year whenever we would have an issue or i needed her to meet me in the middle on something, she would abandon it entirely and just be like "its fine my husband can do it". If i fell short on something or if i did something a way that was different than what she was used to, shed always be with the "well when my husband does it..." "my husband says..."

Yo i still get super angry thinking about it. I cant believe i put up with that shit for so long.

This is obviously a lesbian relationship we have, and i know the common terms here are LVM NVM but this sub has enriched my life and allowed me to value myself more in all my relationships.

[–][deleted] 237 points238 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Omg next time a guy tells me he’s poly I’m gonna be like “oh like Charles Manson?”

[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple47 points48 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good idea.

[–]fruitpunchsamFDS Newbie19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I LOVE THIS HAHAHA

[–]prizebeansproutFDS Newbie31 points32 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Relevant video my friend linked me the other day - https://youtu.be/1u8oYBDxEZg - the woman featured looked absolutely emotionally shattered and she's passing this off as "beautiful NRE"?? Fuck outta here!

[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

yeah jesus christ. My heart breaks for that poor woman.

[–]unicornbread_FDS Newbie15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Omg I never expected to see YMH on this sub! But this clip encapsulates every poly pickmesha I've ever seen.

[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That they recognize they are chasing NRE is another red flag — love junkies are NOT heathy in relationships.

[–]dragon_wolf4FDS Newbie30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Men decided they need to make abusing women (sexually and otherwise) socially acceptable, so they decided to call it BDSM. Imo, that is all it is - plain and simple abuse - which is always wrong no matter how they market it.

[–]HolaHulaHolaFDS Newbie19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What they call "poly" today is what we used to call a player, a guy who just wants to dog.

Being called poly is too polite. Call him for what he is, a guy who wants to dog. Since when did this behavior become acceptable? He can be poly with others, but not with me, TYVM. Men like that are disease vectors, too, spreading venereal disease, AIDS, and who knows what else.

Let him dog with somebody else, because it's better to be with no man than to be with a dog.

[–]rosemarie2020FDS Newbie76 points77 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Back in my pickme days, I thought BDSM was “hot”. I used to have panic attacks with a NVM ex during sex because he had so many BDSM kinks.

I used to think something was wrong with ME that I couldn’t keep it together and go through with it. I’m glad I realized the error of my ways, but still...

It is so easy for the patriarchy to brainwash women at a young age to subject themselves to literal abuse during sex.

[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple[S] 63 points64 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

there was articles coming out in my country about the healthcare units receiving several thousands of young women with injuries in their vaginal area and anus, due to rough sex. We are talking tears, bleeding etc. We are talking girls as young as 14. It has become a pandemic and girls get advised by their friends to "watch porn" to prepare for their first time.

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Porn f*cks society that much.

[–]venus_leeFDS Newbie40 points41 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

What are opinions here about the opposite? Like a harem of men?

[–]shakethat_milkshakeKINKmeisha™️ on parole24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Isn’t it interesting how poly is never discussed that way? 😒

[–]strangerinthealps_FDS Newbie36 points37 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ugh. No. Hard enough to find one quality male, why would I want to deal with a whole cluster of men?

But, more seriously, no. I prefer to be intimate with one person at a time (emotionally and physically) and I can’t give a partner what they deserve if I have to increase my bandwidth and devote that energy to multiple people- it’s rare that anyone can. My personal preference is monogamy. In the initial stages of dating I’m seeing other people and vetting them (and I assume they’re doing the same), but once a commitment is made, it’s exclusivity or gtfo. I’ve learned from experience that it just doesn’t work for me to do otherwise. A lot of men out there who think polyamory is just a way to get their dick wet with multiple women while respecting absolutely none of them, and a lot of women trying to convince themselves that they somehow benefit from this. No thanks.

[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple[S] 29 points30 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I would never. First of all, I absolutely LOVE my boyfriend- I am not a hypocrite, I would never want to share him, so I would never expect him to be okay with sharing me either. Second of all, it is a well known fact that women do the majority of the emotional labor in an relationship, my partner is HV in a lot of areas, but honestly I had to help him get the emotional maturity to match mine, which it does now, but finding several other men and doing that? NEVER. It doesnt take much to throw a guick glance at society (just check Reddit/OLD) and see the specimens out there- low hanging fruits. EW. Also in the end, these polyamorous relationships EVEN if they were to say for arguments sake would be max benefit for the woman, always end in drama. We keep drama to a minimum in our friend circle, but it still happens, now imagine that in an intimate relationship. The people on the polyamory are so full of shit. None of them ever make it work in the long run, it always ends in a giant dumpsterfire, but of course the majority of them would just disappear from the sub/community when it does, but a few do post about it. I think the only way they could make it work in the long run is by the people being delusional as fuck- I see plenty of normal "hetero" people do that; living on a lie and keep up the facade, so I dont see how the poly people would be any different. In reality it just doesnt work out. Its a uthopia. But it could almost never work out for maximum female benefit, they end up being the one to sacrifice. If someone DID make it work, they are the 1 % (I havent seen any) and I say, you do you girl, but I do not see it working out drama free. On top of it has the poly people I have met seriously been garbage people, who love to pretend they are not, but they truly truly are.

[–]Revy_Ur_EnginesFDS Newbie16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There’s a video on YouTube that shows why poly can be dangerous especially when putting kids in the mix. There was one woman and like 4 guys? Anyways she was pregnant and for a bit they weren’t sure who the father was. When the father was revealed, one guy seemed like he couldn’t get over that if wasn’t his. So when the baby was born, he injured it so bad she had to go to the hospital. I can’t remember what happened exactly but it resulted in a baby getting hurt. Men are selfish right? So they don’t like the idea of sharing a woman who’s special to them.

[–][deleted] 84 points85 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah libfem like to say that men who objectify women are feminists because at least they are ain't religious lmao. Don't fall for the lie!

[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Disciple25 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You nailed it. Good summary.

[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie54 points55 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Please just say you cheat on your wife/gf and go 😂

[–]iamaninsectFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I personally don’t feel it’s even genuinely possible. Any guy I’ve dated, any friend I’ve had, we’ve just never been able to see how poly is possible without jealousy and a constant threat of real actual love getting in the way on someone’s part. I know some who practice this in Detroit but. I have my reservations about that entire group (theyre a kink group... great ppl... I just don’t feel anyone really understand their self worth and immaturities/repressed traumas).

[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

When I see poly I feel a little bad for them. They have traumas but out here abusing others. Smh

[–]iamaninsectFDS Newbie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

100% usually the case :(

[–]2021IsOurYearToShineFDS Newbie123 points124 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

Lol. Poly "is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved".

It is not what I have seen 99% of adverts seeking, example; girlfriend and I seeking a weekend fuck.

It's almost as bad as the 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' overnight 'doms'.

You're all shit. All you'll generate is shit. Cut your hair, take out your piercings and get a job.

[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple[S] 82 points83 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Poly "is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved".

Most of the time it is one partner manipulating/brainwashing the other to open up the relationship and the "consent" being the pickme woman being so afraid to "lose" their NVM that they agree to it. Some of them even convince themselves how much they love it or how they love being objectified by several men at once.

[–]EquipoisonousFDS Newbie47 points48 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh but it’s “fair” because they’re both open to new partners! As if the dating market is “fair” to both sexes. Women are taking on so much more added risk with an open relationship.

[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

yeah expect in the large majority of these "relationships" it is somehow the man having several women........... "so open!" Also if you look at that TLC show with the guy married to several women, you could tell how they are not really happy with it, despite being on camera it just shines through.

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This (sort of) happened to me. Had two (two!) NVM exes cheat on me and then refuse to apologize because they claimed to be polyamorous. News to me! They didn't disclose that when we became exclusive.

[–]mscristalconnorsFDS Newbie8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That last part. Oof! I use them not the other way around.

[–]ChachaDosvedanyaFDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, first half of this was me. As soon as I told him I didn’t want him fucking other people he left me right after. My fear was correct the whole time.

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice16 points17 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

intimate relationships

I've yet to see a poly relationship that was emotionally intimate. The lifestyle seems to attract the emotionally avoidant.

[–]shakethat_milkshakeKINKmeisha™️ on parole7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yesss, they like being swept up in the feeling of meeting someone new and liking them. As soon as that wears off, they’re out.

[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Pretty sure it was Derrick Jaxn who did a video about how low value men follow their feelings and how unhealthy and destabilizing it is. He's brilliant. I highly recommend his YouTube channel.

[–]shakethat_milkshakeKINKmeisha™️ on parole0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you so much!

[–]vmuzondiFDS Disciple0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I actually hate the idea of NRE. Like you just have crushes on people and then let it fade and than find someone new to join your poly relationship over and over? Doesn’t that get exhausting? I guess I’ll just never understand.

[–]shakethat_milkshakeKINKmeisha™️ on parole2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think they chase the novelty because it gives them a high. They don’t love people, they love that NRE feeling.

[–]GrapeJuiceEnthusiastFDS Disciple17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I genuinely can't take anyone who says they're into polyamory seriously or respect them. Just say you're too immature to stay faithful in a relationship and go.

[–]iamaninsectFDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I never do. Usually they’re always young and haven’t really been in a real relationship before. Usually trying to be cool.

[–]gooseglugFDS Newbie27 points28 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

A few years ago my bestie asked me if I have ever thought about being in a polyamorous relationship. She went onto explain she has friends who are involved in polyamorous relationships but they don’t have sex with the second person. The second person is someone they can lean on if they need extra support. She said to me “let’s be honest, you can be a lot to handle at times and that can overwhelm people”. I told her that I knew I was a lot to handle at times but I couldn’t see myself being in a polyamorous relationship like that.

[–]vmuzondiFDS Disciple26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don’t understand this arrangement. Don’t we have friends and family for that? Also just because someone is “hard to handle” doesn’t mean they need to be polyamorous. It just means they need a solid support system so they can have different alleys when in situations of need.

[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There’s a word, I think from the German, something about people you lean on for support, while not having a sexual relationship... if I could just remember it, let me look it up. Oh here it is.

FRIEND

Jesus. That’s one of the worst things about the current state of sexuality with younger people. The “freedom” to fuck whomever you want has become the obligation to fuck anyone who wants to fuck you. And if you like/have a conversation with someone, well then you must fuck.

The concept of friendship is being perverted. It’s an “asexual romantic poly relationship.” That’s having fucking FRIENDS for Hera’s sake!!

Then they all pile online and complain about how hard it is to make friends. Well, stop evaluating every human being who crosses your path in terms of your sexuality and maybe you could.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

What? you didn't get mad I would cuss her out they users. They want to force someone to stay in a relationship with them so they can use them but they don't get sex out of it? I thought poly relationships is about sex and love. Which just proves they lying they just want to rope in people to use them. You should call her what she is, a user and she doesn't know what a poly relationship is. I thought poly relationships everyone loves each other....

[–]gooseglugFDS Newbie7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

No, I didn’t get mad at her. I understand where she was coming from. Also, from the ending of your comment makes it sound like she’s in a polyamorous relationship. I’m not sure how my post indicates that she is. I never said she was. I said she has friend who’s do it.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Ahh okay i misread it but there no need for her remarks towards you though? why she thought it was okay to say "try it you seem difficult anyway". Besides her friend is a user regardless and shouldn't get props for it.

[–]gooseglugFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Because her remarks were true at the time. I’ve been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. At the time she said what she said, I hadn’t sought treatment for it. Yes, I was in therapy but I wasn’t in DBT (the recommend course of treatment for BPD). I didn’t know how to handle my emotions or how to handle any situation that caused me distress. We’ve known each other for 21 years. She knows me better than anyone. She’s seen how I can be a lot to handle. Thankfully, with the help of DBT, I handle my emotions and situations that cause me distress in better, healthier way.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Just because someone "hard to handle" for whatever reason doesn't mean they need a poly relationship because of that. She might know you well enough. But her comment was ignorant and I hope you realize how ignorant it is to say someone who "hard to handle" should just get in a one sided poly relationship so they have warm bodies for their "partners". Everyone deserve a loving relationship what she describe to you is not a loving relationship it's a mess up relationship.

[–]gooseglugFDS Newbie3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It’s not wasn’t ignorant for her to say it because it was true. Her comment to me wasn’t about having “warm bodies for a partner to have”. She wasn’t even talking about sex. She was talking about having another person who I could talk to when my emotions are running high. More of having someone else who I could go to and talk about things. Like I said in my original comment, I told her I couldn’t do something like that.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't you have her you could talk to again you don't need a relationship like a poly one for that. You can talk to friends, family or have a monogamous relationship. Again, you might not see how ignorant to say things like that but others can see it.

[–]iamaninsectFDS Newbie2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ew. I don’t like what your friend said at all. On both counts. First she makes it sound like the third in the relationship is literally just a third wheel and that’s why it’s okay. Then she says YOURE the one who’s too much to handle??

I’m sorry. But only ppl who are actually too much to handle, run their mouth like that.

[–]vmuzondiFDS Disciple1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s actually a terrible thing for a friend to say especially with someone mental health issues. I don’t think thats true about anyone unless if they refuse to go to therapy and be a better person. It has nothing to do with your capacity to have a romantic relationship. The idea that being with one person is too much of a burden because basically more than one person has to deal with that burden? It just doesn’t make sense.

[–]creamtart_FDS Apprentice10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

PREACH! 👑

[–]luciesssssFDS Newbie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Did my a levels with this girl

[–]thepanichandFDS Newbie10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If you're a woman and you're into BDSM, I say you're not actually into it, and you're just not brave enough for self injury.

[–]AdawritesrulesFDS Disciple3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

BuT wHaT aBouT sEx poSiTiviTyyy

Girrrl! A dozen limp soft ducks don’t make it “sex positive”. Wake up! 👋

[–]beliebeighFDS Newbie5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

YES YES YES THIS THANK YOU!

[–]zznastyleonmeFDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You guys can I get a flair ? I wanna be a part of the community too 😭😭

[–]blump_kinFDS Newbie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Can we vent about our poly experiences together?? I know no one IRL to talk about this with!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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