I am once again coming to you with a comment I found on the sub that I think deserves more attention.

The following is by /u/bottleblank in the comments here


It doesn't seem to occur to some people that men don't wake up one day and casually decide "I'm going to have a sex doll as a partner" like it's some sort of preference or aspiration, they do it because there is nothing else. All other avenues seem closed. You can't just decide somebody is going to be your partner, a relationship relies on two people being in it together, and if nobody allows you that kind of connection, what else do you have? You can have a) your hand, b) a Fleshlight, c) a body pillow, d) a sex doll, or e) a prostitute. Take your pick. None of them are there to provide genuine emotional feedback, but at least it might give you a feeling of touch for a while. Yet even after a man experiences rejection, exclusion, misery, deep and painful lack of touch, of trust, of companionship, none of these options are "allowed" in the eyes of society. The man must be a deviant, a creep, a weirdo, a rapist-in-training, for wanting the closest thing he can get to a relationship without needing other people to give him a chance.

Maybe a man feels he's unable to have a relationship because of past trauma, maybe because of bad experiences in previous relationships, maybe because of disability, maybe because of depression, maybe because of abysmally low self-confidence (often related to the previous reasons), and no doubt more than I can think of to list here. Maybe he feels like a burden to any woman he tries to ask out, maybe he's tired of trying to be something he isn't, maybe he's tired of looking for something which seems increasingly unlikely to exist. Maybe combinations of all of the above. They're all perfectly relevant and important reasons why a man might not have a relationship with a human. Some of them can be treated, but that often requires a lot of trust and a lot of time and personal effort. How long will that take? How much will it hurt? How much emotional fortitude does that man need to endure this process, and what will he be "allowed" at the end of it?

Yes, there might be some very small amount of men who prefer a sex doll because of some specific kink, or power fantasy, or inability to tolerate being around real women because they don't allow enough freedom, but the very idea that a man might need to resort to buying a sex doll because their life is so emotionally void because of factors beyond their control seems impossibly alien to people. Like it must be some other reason (undoubtedly the man's own fault), like they can't stand women having personalities or being able to make decisions, or they weren't trying hard enough to find a date, or they're being picky, or they hate women.

I'd like to reiterate, as it's relevant to this thread, that sometimes we're just "not good enough", or we feel that way to such an extent that it seems irrefutably true, and as a result the very thought of actually being part of a loving relationship feels like a child telling everybody that one day they're going to be an astronaut and go to Jupiter because it's their favourite planet. It seems like pure fantasy, impossible to occur in the real world.

Telling a man with those kinds of issues to do what the OP's (in this thread) image says is something which can contribute to the subject of the video in that other thread, if the man you're telling to "just talk to a woman" has lost all feeling of agency, confidence, self-worth, or belief that relationships can work for everybody involved (not just the woman).


Now, further down after this comment. there was a bit from another comment of theirs that really deserves to be mentioned


To begin with you're going to have a section of young men who are depressed, or anxious, or autistic, or "weird", or "undesireable". For those young men it is difficult to "just go talk to a girl", there are social pressures which cause you to learn (sometimes quite early on and quite forcefully) that you'd be better off not talking to a girl if the result is going to be ridicule, romantic and social rejection, and bullying, for having had the audacity to try without being considered worthy. It can be damaging to have those experiences and, having been given advice like "just go talk to them" and "be yourself" (which on the face of it seem like "good" advice), trying to act on that advice has the potential to really screw you up when it all goes horribly wrong, multiple times, and you end up getting bullied just for trying to do what everybody told you was the right and normal thing to do.

That's before you get to the ideas of anti-rape classes or hammer-drilling conditions of true consent into a kid's brain, which can cause well-meaning young men to believe that any approach is unwelcome and that they would only be intruding into a woman's personal space by trying to approach them and demanding that interaction or time of the woman.


I think this second bit does an excellent job at illustrating how the problems society has around male sexuality often inadvertently have even further negative consequences. Creating something of an "asshole filter" wherein so many boundaries and expectations are put up that most guys won't approach because of the fear of violating those boundaries. Which leaves only the assholes that are willing to violate those boundaries as the ones that approach.