BestOf: The musings of a father.

November 18, 2020

This is a comment I saw on PPD from u/DerekMorganBAU.

It's more of something that belongs on r/OneY but I was inexplicably banned from there. And there just plain aren't very many men's communities on Reddit to share things like this.

The tldr is that as a father, you always come last. Not just to your children but also to your wife or girlfriend. Her needs come somewhere in between yours and your children. And you're the one expected to "make it work", not her. Often under threat of breaking the family apart and using the court system against you. And you just kind of have to suck it up and accept that.

Most people don't understand this about the "man's side of the story". All we care about are women and their difficulties. Which itself is part of what's unfair to men and fathers.

Here's the comment:

When you're the father, everything is your fault.

Me and my baby mama get along great, but when it comes to raising our daughter I might as well be raising two kids - her and our daughter.

She's a good mom don't get me wrong, but if she's sad or going through shit I have to bite the bullet far more often than she does. If I don't then I'll get it from both her family AND my own.

My dad pulled me aside and told me that he HAD to let my mom get away with unheralded bullshit for our sake, and I can see why.

If my baby momma needs a "break", she will dump my daughter on me without warning. She doesn't do it anymore like that, but it was a control tactic to keep me from going out and fucking other women/dating.

She never explicitly said that it was, but we all recognize a power play when we see it. And besides, it's not like I wouldn't choose spending time with my daughter over a hoe anyways. The fact that she thought it was ever a choice for me was insulting.

I work my ass off, moved to be near her, take care of her needs, and didn't fight for full custody because our daughter was in a good environment already (states away from my family who rarely get to see my daughter but right next to her family).

It'd be a blessing to spend all day with my daughter. She doesn't know what's that like to have to work crazy hours, use what little time you have left to cater to the needs of your co-parent and your child, check up on her so she's not emotionally volatile (all women are like this) and still try to find time for yourself. But wait, your "you" time may interfere with your time with your child, and your child will win that battle every single time.

Mothers take for granted the surplus of time they get to spend with their child. Most fathers would kill for that time, but the burden of providing is on us and it always will be. Single working mothers are miserable. Welcome to the life of a father.

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