One of the subs I have a love/hate relationship with is r/rolereversal. It's a sub geared toward flipping the gendered roles of heterosexual dating and relationships, and it's really cute.

But without fail, if I browse too much I end up in a depressive funk as it feels like women who engage in those activities are few and far between. The realization that I'm virtually cemented in my provider/anchor role is sometimes crushing.

As much as I would love to advocate for more role reversal in dating, relationships, etc., I keep running into unseen opposition. Women seem hesitant to take the task of initiating into their hands and often quote the unknown response a man might have and fear of their safety as reasons they do not and will not flip that gendered expectation in the near future.

Similarly, desiring to engage in the male part of role reversal seems to need to be a consistent conversation for much to occur. Without actively expressing some of my desires and needs, it is all too easy to fall back into the expectation that to be a man is to love others first and foremost rather than be loved. Sometimes, this level of effort gets to be too much - I hate having to ask a partner for greater displays of affection then they automatically give me.

Now, perhaps I'm being too broad in an assumption that most men secretly desire some of this role reversal to occur. From my interactions with other men, it certainly seems like there's a large community that feels similarly to myself. If that is indeed the case, how can we go about having these conversations? It's far too easy to come across as jaded and bitter, not to mention ignorant of the obstacles women face with this subject. I can't simply demand women change, but I want to have my voice heard and for this relationship type to not be the afterthought it currently seems to be.

All I'm looking for is a conversation: does this desire manifest itself in your life? And if so, how can we productively talk about it?