A thread from psychologist Shawn T Smith.

In my day (long, long ago) we had strip clubs rather than OnlyFans. I didn’t go to strip clubs because I found them to be degrading. They didn’t seem degrading to women — the ladies were just making an honest buck — but they seemed degrading to men.

I was never willing to pay for attention. I certainly wouldn't pay for false affection that dried up when the meter ran out. I didn't look down on men who participated. I see the appeal, and I have a libertarian ethic. For me, it was about managing my experience with women.

When a man behaves as if he’s unworthy of healthy relationships, then his experiences with women will be painful because he sees no alternative. Painful experiences reinforce the belief that he’s unworthy, which leads to more painful experience, and so on.

You don’t have to believe you’re worthy of healthy relationships if you want things to change. You only have to *behave* as if you're worthy. Try it on for size. See what happens. Ignore the anxiety, respect the objective data, and adjust accordingly.

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