Is it time, and is it possible, to have a better balance between being sensible and being impulsive when it comes to dating? And what cultural changes are needed for that?

AskingToFeminists · 2020-10-07T17:24:56+00:00

It's a question that has been bothering me a lot. I'm no big fan of authoritarian policies and shaming social standards. Yet I'm fully aware that complete deregulation of sex leads to a generally bad social situation. In a way, it's strange to see people who are very anti-capitalist economically being very pro deregulated free market when it comes to dating.

The thing is, our sex lives is very much the place where I think any attempt at regulation can have very negative impacts for individuals, particularly because we never know who and how it will be regulated.

But on the other hand, I'm well aware that while regulation can have a negative impact on some individuals, not regulating has a negative impact on many individuals, and the whole issue is the amount of harm and the number of people harmed by both, and it's hard to predict the impact of a social policy.

And with complete deregulation, the issue is that people the most hurt are low status young men, about whom nobody cares, while people who enjoy it the most are high status young women, about whom everybody cares. Which makes changing it peacefully very hard. And which make risks of civil unrest even more likely, as the people who have the most energy, aggression and the least to loose are also those with the most to gain from any change while being systemically ignored.

So, I agree with you. Something needs to be done. And it needs to be done before too long as we are currently sitting on a keg of powder waiting for the right spark.

And I have almost no clue what.

Something to encourage young women and young high status men to commit early. Not to marry the first person that comes, but at least encouraging them to look for something stable rather than just loads of casual sex.

Something to get rid of the various systems that make marriage undesirable for men, and divorce advantageous to women. Basically, getting rid of alimony and child support as it is, and getting an opt-in system of legal paternity with paternity testing included.

Something to encourage the involvement of fathers in their kids lives.

In the mean time, to limit the risks of sparks flying, various programs to help young men have a future. Right now, particularly in the states, student debt is ridiculous, university education has lost its value as education standards have been dropped. Housing prices are crazy high. It is hard for someone young to see a bright future ahead. Particularly for young men, who don't have all those programs for women and those gender quotas to help them get ahead. All governments would benefit from a huge increase in the investment they make in public education. Particularly in impoverished areas.

Long-Chair-7825 · 2020-10-07T22:01:36+00:00

To be deemed undesirable and ‘unfuckable’, of having no erotic worth at all is painful and soul crushing. This shouldn’t merely be sneered at as the delusional whining of losers drunk on entitlement. Human beings need to be loved by others, to pleasure and be pleasured by others, to develop intimate connections with others, to have fun with others. Being the social species we are it demands it. People are not wrong to want it and feel alienated when it proves extremely hard to achieve, because they are not desired by others for being who they are.

Which is why incels deserve our empathy, not our derision and hate.

Blauwpetje · 2020-10-07T19:03:19+00:00

Tbh men don't always have sensible preferences either. Only most of them will be shaken awake at an earlier age than women, because they'll realize going for the hottest girls is regular hell when you're not super hot or economically successful yourself. Although it may also work the other way round: when the girls you considered good friends won't be intimate with you anyway, you might as well go for the boobs and buttocks and try your luck that way.

ShortTailBoa · 2020-10-07T16:23:17+00:00

Society needs to shame women who date solely for money and status for one thing.

I think that's a massive problem when it comes to modern dating for instance. I'm not saying that they shouldn't be allowed to do that but it shouldn't be as accepted or celebrated as it is in modern society.

The majority of Western Women have ridiclously high standards, standards that are almost impossible to meet for most men and yet it's never acceptable to point that out. Even if it leads to a lot of Western Women ending up alone and unhappy.

Men are constnatly told that have to accept all women as beautiful but the same is not done to women.

The Body Positive movement has never applied to men or supported men for instance, it's always been about women.

2020-10-07T19:10:52+00:00

The article reads like the author, a black man, cataloging his excuses for not dating black women.

But, while we have a right to our preferences, we should also be able to critically reflect on why we desire what we desire and what influences it.

Lord make me pure, but not yet.