I just need to vent for a moment. This is not something that I have really, personally dealt with. But most of my male friends, or even acquaintances seem to have stories about it. Or worse, it's a daily occurrence for them. I'm not sure if it's because I'm a short man, so seen as "less of a threat", or because I've always been reasonably understanding of women's fear of unknown men. But it's getting to the point of ridiculousness, and it's endangering and affecting the mental health and well-being of my friends.

In short, "Schrodinger's Rapist" is the concept that women must approach any unknown man as though he COULD rape her. Never mind the obvious social outcome of a world in which one gender is taught to fear the other by default, let alone the actual statistics on male on female violence, compared to male-on-male violence. This is a dangerous, infantile and toxicity-reinforcing way to format gender relations.

This has been bothering me for some time, but a recent occurrence has led me to finally say "enough is enough" with this bullshit. One of my best friends was recently in a long line at a coffee shop. He noticed the woman in front of him had some stickers on her phone-case, pertaining to a certain band that he liked. And bored of the long wait, he tried to politely strike up a conversation with her about their mutual interest. In his own words, his intent was not even inherently romantic/sexual. My dude was just fucking bored. Very quickly, she began reacting to his completely benign conversation with noticeable body language and facial reactions, that communicated (in his words "exaggerated") fear or distrust. He quickly assured her that she didn't have to talk to him, and he was sorry for making her uncomfortable. But several other men in the establishment had already noticed her behavior, and soon surrounded him, puffing out their chests and questioning him. He ended up having to leave the store, because his own social anxiety and PTSD kicked in. That's all it takes. And nothing that a man says to defend himself in these situations can defuse them.

I understand victims of physical, mental and verbal abuse, having trauma. I even understand women being cautious with men they don't know. But there's a difference between reasonable caution, and immediately assuming that every male you see could rape you at any moment. It's, frankly, not the slightest bit realistic, and incredibly hyperbolic. I worry what it means for the future of gender relations, as this behavior becomes more and more commonplace.

So, no, it's not "alright" for you to treat every single unknown man that passes you on the sidewalk as a potential threat. It has adverse mental affects on both yourself, and him. Furthermore, this reinforces men internalizing the thought that we are, by default, dangerous, violent and misogynistic. The problems of "toxic masculinity" cannot ever be solved, if the "solution" is to teach young boys that as they grow older, they will be perceived as "threats" by default until they "prove" otherwise. That it is our duty to reassure everyone around us that we're not "one of the baddies". And this cannot be hand-waved away by saying such nonsense as "Well, if you want it to stop, do something about cultural misogyny/the men who do rape/etc." I am ONE man. It is not my duty, nor is it even possible for me to affect change throughout my entire gender. All I, or any of us, can do, is to be good examples for other men.

No one should have the worst of all acts assumed of them, by nature of their gender. There is no excuse. And this behavior will not lead to any improvements between the genders. It cannot. I am not a potential rapist.