tl;dr — Bisexuals get a lot of shit, and unfortunately, most of that comes from within the LGBTQ+ community itself. So many biphobic jokes revolve around how “gross” it is to be attracted to men, how it’s such a shame that bisexual women “have to” be attracted to men, and how bisexual men should just admit they’re gay and stop “bothering” women.

I’ll talk about my personal experience; I’m a bisexual, and though I’m not a woman, I was socialised as one, and have little problem with people assuming I am one when I’m out and about. I’ve dated a fair few men, women, and gender non conforming people, but I never got as much biphobia as when I was dating a person who either was or was assumed to be a cis man. The barrage of people saying “oh, poor you” or “let me rescue you!” or just flat out insulting me for choosing to date a man, sometimes insulting my boyfriend to my face was nightmarish.

I got a drink thrown in my face once because I angrily asked a gay guy who kept making jabs at me for dating my boyfriend if he thought it was okay to harass or talk bad about people just because they’re men. God forbid I was dating a man shorter than me (I’m 6’ if I don’t slouch), then body shaming got thrown in too. I met far too many gold star lesbians who refused to date me because I had sex with/dated a man in the past. Nobody’s under any obligation to date any one, but you don’t have to be shitty and attack me over it, especially when the reason is “you had sex with a man, therefore you’re tainted”. Tainted, because I loved a man. How fucking insulting.

One of my boyfriends got berated because he talked about how I paid for most dates, was the big spoon often, and was usually the shoulder to cry on in the relationship. He was yelled at and teased nigh near to tears because he said, in more words, “my partner loves me”? Are men not deserving of being taken care of? The lack of empathy disgusts me, and I’m no longer meek about it, I don’t care if it gets me weird looks or gets me chucked out of a group, I defend men against misandry.

I think it’s actually a good thing to have a partnership where a man feels safe and comfortable enough to know he doesn’t have to worry about being judged and shamed for natural human emotions and craving love in a relationship, what a shocker! Men don’t get to feel safe in society, for fucks sake, he should be able to come home to me and have one moment of peace.

The common thread is misandry.

And it’s bullshit.

Whether you’re straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, etc, if no one has told you lately, you deserve compassion, care, love, and understanding. Your human needs are human. It is not shameful. What is shameful is people thinking the last three sentences aren’t true.