My (25M) girlfriend (21F) has unrealistic expectations when it comes to various aspects of our future together, mainly involving finances.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. She keeps wanting me to propose, but I personally feel like we’re still young and it would be better to wait a few years before getting married. The rings she send me cost $1,000+ and she keeps saying we need to have a “medium” size wedding. I make $15 an hour working full time and have $28k in student loans, she makes $11.15 an hour and will graduate next year with probably $20k+ in loans. She also has a $340 a month car payment so once she graduates she’ll have to manage both student loans and that car payment. She doesn’t even have health insurance, so one health issue could put her into serious debt.

We get into an argument every time wedding planning is brought up and I truly think she has no clue how much weddings cost. She also refuses to compromise on anything about the wedding because “the wedding is about the bride.” So I tell her she better save her money because if I don’t get a say in anything, then I’m not paying anything.

She comes from a very poor family who make bad financial decisions and are impulsive people which is where I think some of these unrealistic expectations come from, although she’s way more responsible than her family. She never experienced much and she wants to live better than her relatives do. Which I understand since my parents were terrible with money as well, although I didn’t grow up poor like she did.

I’m more of a planner who thinks ahead. I want everything to be logically thought out and prepared in advance, whereas my girlfriend tends to be the type who just thinks if you want something it’ll happen no matter what. This just isn’t logical when it comes to money, and I refuse to put myself into debt over a wedding, a ring, and having a baby before we can afford it.

I’m the one who handles the finances. We have separate bank accounts. She gives me her portion of our split monthly bills and I pay them. I pay more since I make a bit more. I know for a fact that at our current wages and debt level, we won’t be able to afford the wedding she wants for years.

She doesn’t get this. She keeps saying she wants a baby soon. Wants to get married soon. Wants to find a house soon. Wants to go on yearly vacations. Like as if we need to hurry up and accomplish all of this while we’re in our 20s for some reason. She really likes how I’m responsible with money and how I have money in retirement and invested in stocks, but she doesn’t get that rushing into marriage with an expensive wedding and having a baby would ruin all that. There’s no way we could afford it.

Lately whenever these arguments get brought up, she’ll tell me that money in my safe could go towards a ring (I’m scheduled to get a tattoo in a month so part of it is going towards that, and I’ve had it scheduled for months now) or she’ll tell me we could have the wedding if I sold all my video games and consoles (that would get me maybe $1k at most, nowhere near enough for the wedding she wants. I also rarely buy video games anymore) I also don’t think it’s right how she keeps putting it on me - telling me we could do all of it if I made certain changes. I’m not going on about how we could do it if she did a better job at saving money like I do, or that she could work more hours because I know it would hurt her feelings. I think the worst part is, I know part of it is that she wants to show off. She loves posting on social media and I know she’d like the attention she’d get for posting wedding pics and her ring etc. which I find to be the worst part. Why go into debt just to show off to other people? That’s the last thing I care about.

All these arguments are making me reconsider if I still want to even continue dating, especially how rude she get about it. I’m not sure how to make her realize that it’s not a big deal if we don’t get married or have a baby for another 5+ years. If we want to spend our lives together then what’s the rush? Wouldn’t it be better to pay off debt like car loans and student loans so we can set ourselves up for a more comfortable life when we’re older?

Tl;dr my girlfriend wants to rush into marriage and having a baby, whereas I want us to pay off debt, save and invest money. She won’t compromise on anything when it comes to the wedding, even though there’s no way we could afford anything like what she envisions.

Edit: I should add that she likes the fact that I want to work hard and save. She wants us to be well off. She just isn’t understanding that want can’t splurge while we’re young like she wants us to and also be well off when we’re older.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/b2advu/my_25m_girlfriend_21f_has_unrealistic/