You know, when I gave up my own hatred of women, and accepted women's nature as what it is, I felt great. Like a stone tumbled away, leaving a void. For a while, a month by, it felt great. Freedom.

But the thing is, I feel like I'm fucking up again. There's a lot of things I noticed about myself. I noticed I'm still holding myself back. And a there's hatred building up. It's not women, this time around. In fact, I don't care. Sure, I'm horny for attractive women from time to time, urges and shit. I just ignore them.

But there's something about my hatred. You see, I never quite feel like myself. When I'm around people, there's a stoic disconnect with people, when I'm dead redpilled. I don't know how to explain that. I've been hanging out with my most and only trusted friend, who I will call, Mike. I have friends, of course, but Mike is the only one I can actually connect, because he and I share simiar backgrounds. We're both massively redpilled.

We both have a mother that just fuck us over. His is worse, because she tried to fuck him over in the army, and he had to go through shit, by clearing his name and going to another basic recruit training in the Navy.

While his mother is a complete asshole, mine is, in my opinon, is cringy and controlling.

I never felt kind of normal balance. I just cannot do what I want. Not only that, I don't how to feel, like a man. How can I feel? As a man? My mother made me soft. I like feeling stoic.

I hate having emotions. You can have emotions, and control it. But extreme emotional feelings is something I purely fucking hate. It's blinding. I really don't mind emotions. Perhaps, I shouldn't hate it. Emotional feelings isn't natural, to a man. Especially you're in a world, where there's so much fucking over.

I see why there's a need to be emotionless. There's a reason complete ruthlessness is important and natural. It wasn't before, and now I fucking love it.

I made a commentary here, about women being a fuck up to everything. I think that is true. There's always been talk from women, that men should open up to their feelings, and when we do, we get resented.

Are you joking right now? First, you ask us to open up, and you resent our problems? Women really DO NOT KNOW what the fuck they want.

I still remember opening up my problem to my mother about my first real relationship, and she just didn't care.

That's my lesson right there. Now I know.

I really like being emotionless freak, because I don't have to think about my problem. I just get over it and fix it. Being around with my most trusted friend's jaded influence kind of helped it.

I had my ego bruised, my spirit destroyed, my self esteem all time low. I'm the unhappiest, when I'm around women. I found my spirits revived so fast, when I'm around male friends. We joked, talk shit, talk plans, and we really feel happy.

Women? They destroy everything. I'm deader every day without my male friends. And only revived to life with a roar, like never before, with male friends.

I need to cut off my mother out of my life. She has done nothing but bring emotional pain, and I don't want it. I'm cutting her off for good. She is cringy as fuck, and she continue to text me. I am just done with her. I'm going to have also cut off my other family members as well. They intend to give her my number, when I change it every time. I'll visit them, because they are family, but I'm cutting them off. There have to be privileges to earn, you know? I'm tired of setting myself so low. Everyone treat you like shit. Even your own family.

I'm not interested in having my life run by other people. You know, when people say, when we need our parents? They're half right. We need our fathers, and they're gone. Besides goals, Male companions is what make our life happy and fun, less stressed by toxic people.

I'm done being ruled and setting my self so low for everyone.