I had strange fetish - I always was hoping that it's possible to have meaningful long interesting conversation with a woman. Just one on one. Just the idea exchange. About life, about happiness, about everything.

Not in a way to fuck her, just to talk, like to a friend.

Never fucking happened. Never fucking once. Smart girls, dumb girls, fat girls, thin girls, homie girls, club girls, whatever.

It's always either I'm doing all the talking and she's trying to listen while staring at her fucking phone or the topic is dumb and absolutely not interesting for me like some gossip or it's straightforward sexual/attraction kind of talk.

That's the thing that I always wanted. To have women in my life who can keep me company. I don't care whether she classify me as 'friendzoned' or 'beta', fuck this. I can get laid.

But still, no light.