Title. I think it’s finally time I just came to terms with myself. I’m an unmotivated little shit, except I’m not little. I’m about to be twenty seven. I was never motivated like most of you guys. The entitlement I guess has to do with when I grew up and how my dad’s side of the family always operated. Fast forward to 2013-2014 I find MGTOW and everything goes out the window. I get bitter and angry. Standard redpill rage. I was Military at the time and I’m very good physical shape.

I left the military, let my body go and never went to school. Never went after a decent job either. Now I work for IBM thanks to someone I know there who tipped me about an apprenticeship. High earning potential later in my field(Mainframe)as no schools even teach it anymore. That and IBM is running out of Mainframers. They’re a dying breed, all retirement ready and IBM is paying millions to keep them. Hence the apprenticeship. There’s more to it than that but, you get the idea.

Anyway, I can barely make myself get up in the morning to go to work. All I want to do is play videos games and mope. I hate it but, I can’t get the fuck over it either. I’m a religious guy and all this doom and gloom about the end of the world being soon doesn’t help either. I don’t know. Ever since I tried to become MGTOW all I’ve done is try to fill my life with sex, resentment and stupid shit. It’s like I got no meaning and I’m going nowhere. I feel alone, everyone in the family has somebody while I have nobody. Even my old friends who acted like they were all about the MGTOW are, take a guess...pussy whipped and talking about marriage now.

I’m not trying to give you guys a sob story but, what do I do about this shit? Why the fuck won’t it go away? I want to make money, pay my debt off and have fun. I can’t if I lose the job and what better way to lose it than be so unmotivated I start showing up late, not learning because I can focus and being so unmotivated my work is half ass. I’d ask my dad but, his solution to everything is just get over it and work. Maybe that’s what I need to do, the difference between me and him is he’s married.