I'm sick of it. Of everything. Sick of girls and the whole game of pretending you're something you're to impress them. Sick of the sex I always think about but never had. Sick of all the fake friends and people along my way. Sick of this feeling of being lost and always depressed. Sick of being angry. Sick of life in general. Everything I was ever taught was a lie. The idea of you having to be nice and kind to everyone that never gets you anything by disappointment. The time spent in school dreaming away every fucking day and being forced to act normal in spite of your true nature of being different. And how in the past 3 years of high school I don't remember learning anything. And if I ever learnt something, I forgot it the day after.

And on top of that, you're forced to deal with the biggest lie of them all - having to find a soulmate and get married. And if you don't, they think you're a loser. But we all know marriage is nothing but a deal: the woman steals everything from the man with his approval.

I spent 7 fucking years playing video games, watching TV and thinking about girls and sex. I'm still a virgin and it makes me feel terrible because in our society nowadays if you don't have sex or have a girlfriend you're officially a loser. Yes I am a loser. I am a loser for getting myself lost in society's lies. I have heart surgeries and they always told me to limit my exercise and don't push myself to much. But I only feel good and I do more and intense exercises (lift, run, body weight)...

I need to calm down and clear my mind. Girls ain't fucking worth, sex ain't worth it, the only thing that's worth it is you and your own way. Needs time to fully accept it.