My[28M] wife[26F] got tested for STDs the same afternoon that she returned from an 8-week long business trip. Used a solo shopping trip to conceal the appointment.

Update 1: Admitted to cheating on her trip. Says only once, evidence suggest at least N > 2.

Update 2: 3 confirmed in one trip. Digging in now.

Update 3: Typical "It was a one time thing" responses, "It was your fault" responses. Confirmed at least 3 dudes during her last trip, likely systemic serial cheater since we've been together. Refuses to admit anything outside this business trip even though she had carbon copy behavior 2 years ago. Refuses to be honest. Claims she wasn't going to meet anyone on her current "solo" camping trip, I know otherwise. Keep catching her in lies. Filing papers meow.

Update 4: It's at least 4 now. 1 on her first trip 2 years ago, hence the STD test then. Mutual friend knew about it, kept it secret. This is days / a week after we got engaged.

tl;dr SO secretly got tested for STDs the day she returned from a long business trip; is clean, but concealed the appointment and intentionally hid/deleted any evidence of testing. SO has been disinterested in any sexual contact for two weeks since her return. I found out about the test but haven’t spoken to her about it. What is the best way to broach the topic?

Throwaway for reasons. My wife is a great person and we have always gotten along. We have been married for almost two years and we’ve been together for four and a half years. We are in a monogamous relationship and have both had several partners prior to our relationship. Every year, my wife goes on a long business trip (typically about two months). During this time, communication over phone and email can be difficult, contingent upon the technological issues where she works. She really enjoys her work during the business trips and usually comes home feeling fulfilled and excited about life.

Normally when she comes home, she takes a day or two to rest and overcome the jetlag (28 hour travel time and 21 hour time difference). The following days, we tend spend lots of time together, sex, dates, cuddling, catching up etc. because she’s been gone so long.

This year, she came home as her same excited self after having had a great trip. In fact, she seemed so excited, that she wanted to work on some projects, but would need to go get some material from the store. About three hours after picking her up from the airport, she says she wants to go shopping for her craft project and that she will likely spend several hours out shopping. She really emphasizes how much time she'll need to go shopping--many hours. I think this is a little weird considering that she just came back from a 28 hour flight, hasn’t slept, and she’s usually not the type to spend more than an hour or two shopping, but w/e it’s fine. About 5 hours later, she comes home with a single bag of craft material, I register this as strange, but don’t really think about it. I chalk it up to taking a lot of time to pick out her materials, carefully selecting them instead of bulk buying.

Over the next few days, she didn’t really go through the jetlag phase and stayed distant. I thought that was weird but ended up giving her space and just focused on school. About two weeks post-return, we still haven’t had sex, despite my advances and lightly prodding the issue (getting a “I’m just feeling off and don’t feel like it”). I find that strange, since she is usually a 3-4 times a week kind of person and we’ve been exploring some new kinks prior to her trip—which we had talked about kindling once she returned. The first few times that she doesn’t reciprocate sexy-time advances, I don’t think anything of it. We’ve always had a very open “No” policy and are attentive to one another needs i.e.—time, tired, not feeling it, need it now. After two weeks, the combination of her distance and no sex feels really “off.”

Over the weekend she went met up with her girlfriends for a day out. During that time, I snooped on her computer. If that bothers you, stop reading now. We have always been extremely open with our phones and social media—we both know our phone passwords/computer passwords/she knows my Facebook etc. While she was out with her friend, I looked on her computer. She left her work and personal email, Reddit, and Facebook open/logged in. So I looked. Nothing out of the ordinary. I looked in the recycle bin and found that she had taken some self-nudes with her phone, sent them to her email, downloaded, then deleted them (hence the recycling bin). I thought that was odd, normally we would send nudes to each other, not put them on our computers—maybe she really liked them (she did look hot) and decided to keep them. This has my gears turning, because she has been really disinterested in sex since returning, but is taking selfies in the nude wearing lingerie. I looked at the metadata on the picture, confirmed it was taken recently and that it was downloaded from Gmail.

I went and looked at her Gmail. Nothing terribly odd here—but anything before 3 days after returning home had been deleted from her inbox, then deleted from the trash folder / not-archived e.g. if she came home on the 1st, everything before the 4th was deleted. However, in her trash bin, was a confirmation of appointment for a health clinic in an adjacent city. It had a link with a user ID to login into the patient portal if you needed to change your appointment. I logged in with the ID and her common passwords (which I already knew from us sharing). The portal is mostly empty, but showed that she had scheduled and kept an appointment the same afternoon that she got home from her trip. The portal allows you to request records from visits, so I did. They were delivered to the portal about 30 minutes later. She had gone in for STD testing 5 hours after coming home from an 8-week business trip.

To summarize:

1. Gets tested for STDs while saying she is going shopping the day she returns from an 8-week business trip.

2. Concealed the fact that she was tested, didn’t leave phone number or address at clinic, careful to delete emails pertaining to the clinic, made cover excuse to go out

3. Super distant with me (very engaging towards friends/coworkers) / no sex

4. Says not interested in sex, but dresses up to take nudies/clearly masturbating (found lots of porn open on her computer, vibrator out—not anything odd, we watch porn together and alone, open about masturbation etc)

5. On a similar business trip, she did almost the exact same thing. Got tested as soon as she got home (7-week trip), refrained from sex for about a week/distant, I found out via similar ways (shared computer, saw email from health clinic about results on portal). Previously, when I asked her about it, she said she had a UTI and went in for a full STD panel. Totally plausible—I let it go. I just feel like there’s a pattern here. Also said that STD test was normal for women during checkups—although most clinics say that you must ask for the tests/reasonable suspicion.

6. No real reason to suspect cheating, but god damn, this feels weird. All the elements of possibility are there I suppose.

Possible explanations:

1. She had another health problem that seemed to resolve itself, maybe she wanted more followup and didn’t want to belabor me with the details—although the other health issue isn’t urogenital related. She didn't receive any tests that would aim to diagnose the concomitant issue.

2. Health information could be weird if someone reading over your shoulder sees an email in your personal inbox from a clinic, so you delete it. I’m not sure this explains why her inbox was cleaned / stuff deleted from the Trash.

3. Maybe she feels a little detached from me after being away for so long and needs more time to warm back up?

4. Could have also had another UTI and got STD panel at the request of practitioner? Although, no antibiotics/treatments were administered during the visit / weren't documented

5. Maybe she thought I was cheating and got tested? Although, 8-weeks later seems a little outside of the incubation period.

The secrecy of the whole thing really bothers me. Any ideas on how to approach this topic with my wife or other possible explanations?