Had a gf about 8 years ago and I was madly in love, super beta and we did everything except fuck. We FaceTimed before bed every night even though we had school(this was high school). We one day planned to have sex (I was a virgin at the time) and I was excited but didn’t show it because I didn’t want to seem like a loser or w/e.

Fast forward to the day before and... she flat out dumps me on a Facebook message. I was so heart broken and confused. I then heard from friends who were also friends with her that she had a new guy she was seeing. I cried for a week and contemplated committing suicide but didn’t go through with it. Thankfully.

I became a miserable person and was not emotionally available since... for the rest of high school, girls would show super interest (even girls I really liked) but I just didn’t care and didn’t want to go through that trauma again and be dealing with a girl again so I ended missing out on the rest of high school due to my mental just being fucked up and stayed a virgin throughout the rest of it which made me even more fuckin jaded and stressed.

I ended losing my virginity to an escort at 18 and have been only doing one night stands (no feelings) and escorts since. Which I enjoy! I just can’t bring myself to open my heart to someone again and when I learned about the red pill I was a bit relieved because I know something wasn’t right.

I sometimes get depressed because I’ve never had relationship sex but at the same time I feel I dodged a bullet because I was the type of guy where if I loved a girl, I would do anything for her (lmfao) and if I did end up having sex with her while in that beta/in love mode, imagine how more connected to her I would have felt and more beta I would have became and then if she dumped me after that? I probably would have been pushed all the way to suicide. So I’m starting to think it was a blessing. What do you guys think? I dodged a bullet there?