This has nothing to do with shit posting about women, and I thought I might share one of my many hobbies, as some people in here seem to be into societal collapse and such things.

As someone who has assumed zombies will kill us all and overthrow civilization, I've always been a survivalist into prepping and other stupid things as a hobby. I also live where evacuations are common. The reason I always prep for zombies is because it takes into account pretty much every survival scenario. War, disease, defensive measures, being attacked, food, shelter, security, escape, evasion, etc.

One of those concerns is food. When the zombies kill us all, you want nutritious shelf stable food that doesn't rot, doesn't need refrigerating, portable, etc.

Two excellent shelf stable foods are hard tack, which is easy to make, and pemmican, which is also easy to make. Both can last years like an MRE, and although not the greatest of foods in the world until you're used to it, will keep you alive and surviving and filled with calories.

Hard Tack

Hard tack, army bread, or hard bread, is a simple dough of good quality flour and water, about a 5:1 ratio with a touch of salt. That's it. It's an unleavened bread. Which means you aren't adding yeast or baking soda or powder to make it rise, which you don't want in this case. Of course you can experiment, as you do with all baking to get a better tasting product.

Knead it into a dough.

Roll the dough out flat, cut it into rectangles or whatever shape you want, and fork pierce a few holes in it. About 1/2" thick or less. I usually go very very thin because it will get hard as fuck like a brick.

You bake it in a hot oven (300f+ degrees) for about half an hour. Toast it brown.

What you're doing is removing all the water. Water is what spoils food because it creates an environment for biology to function, so you bake it to remove water. Back in civil war days, hard tack would be baked at least 3 times to drive out the water.

What you're making is essentially a cracker. That's all. Just a cracker. But its a cracker devoid of water, and a cracker that's devoid of water will last, I shit you not, years. Ever eaten an old cracker or saltine from the back of the cabinet and its kinda stale after a year or two? Bad right? It had become inundated with water and was made for immediate consumption, not long term survival.

Hard tack can last for years. Of course, there's no reason for it to last that long, eat it as a snack. 5 cups of flour and 1 cup of water has around 3000 calories of energy stored in it, so a couple days if you were sheltering in place. Or one day of hiking and heavy exercise, like escaping the zombie infested cities.

Also, when you bake all of the water out of it it becomes very light, like a cracker, so at good as a packed emergency ration because it's light.

So I'll make some and just stick them in my bug out bag I carry everywhere and snack when I'm about or traveling. Why don't I just buy some Saltines and just replace them now and then? I could do that, but I have a huge amount of free time due to not having children and pets and women around, so why would I buy something I can make myself? Besides its more fun making your own shit. I can't shit post about women all day long and need something to do with my free time.

A thing about hard tack. It is really fucking hard. Like break your teeth hard. There are solutions to that with baking techniques and things you can add, but the biggest one is roll it out thin. Everything you add to make it more like store bought crackers makes it less shelf stable.

I will admit, I do use baking techniques and changes to make it more edible so it doesn't go hard as a rock. This is of course cheating, but if women can do it in relationships I can do it in my baking.

Pemmican

This is my favorite survival food. Pemmican is a food that Native Americans made, and then ended up selling to various trappers, fur hunters, adventurers, explorers, and all us white assholes that stole their land. You can make it with deer, elk, beef, a variety of things. I use beef myself but it doesn't matter. Venison is good too.

You want some really lean meat. Trim off all the fat. Fat is bad for this. You want to dry it, hopefully air drying and not heat drying, because otherwise you're destroying the protein structure which is what you want for the nutrition. If you have the ability, air dry your meat. Thin slice fresh meat and dry it. I know that in civilized countries the idea of air drying raw meat sounds alien and dangerous, but there was a time that this was normal behavior. You've eaten a rare steak right? Of course you have, because you're not the president of the United States.

Anyway you want it dry as hell, because you're going to beat it into powder. Why do you want it dry? Because of biology, you want no water in it. Water = biological activity = bacteria = rot = you die from either starvation or ingest our friends, Salmonella spp., Shigella spp., E. coli, B. proteus, S. epidermidi, and all their buddies as well. None of them are good for you, so you need it cracker (hard tack) dry so it breaks when you bend it. Bending bad. Breaking like a cracker is good.

You pulverize it into power. I use a grinder myself, but you can use a mortar and pestle, a couple rocks (Native American style) food processor, or your ass cheeks. You want it powder and don't let it get wet at all.

Now you're not done, before you did all this you started rendering the fat (tallow in the case of beef) in the oven just above the melting point. This takes a long time. It takes a long time because you want to do it right. Too high a temperature and you destroy the positive nutritional elements in the fat. Fat soluble vitamins, like A, D, E, K, and niacin, B6, B12, K2, selenium, iron, phosphorus, potassium and riboflavin are in there if you have real grass fed animal fat, and will render to a golden yellow color.

As western society has collapsed, our factory food is complete shit. Cows are fed shit. You can get free fat at the grocery store if you ask the butcher people, and when you render it into a sick grey color, you'll realize there's no nutritional value in grocery store meat. Real fat renders gold, because its filled with all the nutrition you want. Shit meat in stores and restaurants leaves you feeling hungry and needs a ton of MSG to be edible because its flavorless valueless shit. It's also why you're a fat fuck because you have to eat so many calories because none of your food has any nutrition and you're always hungry for the actual things your body craves, but you think its more food.

As an aside you'll notice this in eggs too. I get eggs from a chicken that eats real food. The yolks are huge and orange-yellow. Filled with good stuff to grow a chick. Store bought eggs? Pasty sort of yellow small yolks. They suck. Pointless to eat. Civilized food is for profit, not nutrition.

So after a lot of hours at 140f degrees or so your fat will render into a liquid oil. Now depending on what I'm making it for, I'll do it at 220f. Fat will render much lower than this, but 220f or so is good because water boils off at 212f if you remember from school, and if I've said anything, its that water is BAD for shelf stable food.

You strain all those yummy crispy bits and impurities out until all you have is that golden joy liquid you could live for quite a while on. You then mix it, and your powdered meat together 1:1.

Now this will make pemmican, although you can, in fact, render good quality fat at 140 or so, and eat that in and of itself without the additional protein. Real animal fat has packed with energy and nutrition. The problem with low temperature oil is that there's usually still water in it unless you took great pains to separate it out. The lower the temperature of rendering the better it is for you.

So you made your pemmican. You'll end up with a greasy dog-food like mess. Don't burn yourself stupid, let it relax and then in my case, I press it into muffin tins to make little loafs out of it. And that's it. I'll sometimes pop it for a quick jaunt in the broiler, to do an external heat sterilization and drive off any water that might have gotten on it, but its not particularly necessary. It'll harden into kind of a dog food like waxy sort of thing, which you can then wrap in paper and bag. Like hard tack, as long as water isn't introduced, it can last years and doesn't require refrigeration.

It is incredibly protein filled, nutritive, and calorie dense food. I won't claim its the most delicious thing in the world. Native Americans used to mix a few handfuls of berries in it for us imperialists taking their land to make it taste better, but they aren't necessary and introduce bacteria and water. It does take some getting used to. You can always flavor it when eating it later. Some mustard helps, which is another shelf stable food. Make your own mustard if you want to have fun too.

Now one thing you can do with it, out in the woods, is fry it, which of course will start rendering the fat out. This goes along with your hard tack you brought that's hard as a rock, and you can stick it in there, cook it and let it absorb the fat, soften, and make a sort of meat/fat/porridge/pudding that's nutritious, filled with caloric energy, and will keep you healthy alive to fight the zombies.