"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife and mother of your children! I am leaving you"

The husband replied "Hang on a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened"

"Go ahead", she sobbed. " but probably they will be the last words you will say to me"

And the husband began " Well, I was getting in to the car to drive home, this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out, and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So , in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid that you'll put on weight.

The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have a good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair of the same.

The husband took a quick breath and continued- ' She was so grateful for my understanding and help and that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said ' Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

That's how we ended up on bed.

Copy from /r/jokes thanks to /u/BobbyGordon