I'm in need of a reality check by the fine folks of MGTOW.
Short back story, im 28 split with my cheating wife 5-6 months ago. She left me, I had shit frame and basically said "if you leave now that's it but if you stay we can try and make it work". She left and I have never initiated contact since. She has with me multiple times. It's about 50/50 on if I acted calm or angry when she did. (You can read the whole story on my profile.)
*** Does this mean what I think it means? ***
- Haven't heard from her in over a month
- Christmas eve, 21:30
- private number rings
- Lots of tears
- she tried to call round to drop off presents for the dogs (ha) I was out
- How sorry she is for everything (which was good to hear because like most women she convinced herself she wasn't in the wrong)
- How she misses "it" (talking about the dogs and my life)
- How I still mean the world to her (I said thanks)
- How her life isn't exactly going well right now
- How the Christmas tree looked decorated by a girl (I didn't reply - I only put it up so if she did pass she didn't think I was miserable ha)
I know most will say why haven't I blocked her but part of me wants the opportunity to reject her? And I feel if I can maintain frame and be civil, she won't try get money from me (She doesn't realise she has a case but kind of convinced her there's no point).
This is the second time I have had a hint that her new relationship isn't going well when she has contacted me.
- He's a barman, works late shifts and she has 9-5.
- He has 2 kids to a previous LTR.
- Also I got the friends(men and women) in the breakup (they were mine originally but also they were disgusted with how she behaved towards me afterwards. So she's only got work friends, her 3 sisters who all have kids and I suppose any new friends from the pub he works at? So I imagine life isn't too great in the social department for her either.
They moved in together a month ago, so I assumed I was wrong and it must be going ok but now I don't know.
She tried to call again boxing day at 3:30 even though I'd told her I'd be busy from 3. I just emailed her back with "Missed your call, busy, let me know if you want to arrange seeing the dogs another time".
I never thought about this until a friend pointed it out but I called the divorce courts the other week to find out why I hadn't heard anything and they informed me she had sent the paperwork back wrong. My friend think she did it on purpose to delay it. After she left she was saying how we may get back together in a year or so after we've grown and it will be like the notebook lol. When I mentioned the paperwork on the phone she just laughed and said yeh.
I do find it hard to have any contact with her because even though my head knows I'm better off now and even my social group can see the improvement in my mind set since splitting up (more outgoing and confident etc.). I still miss some parts of it. And especially the sex... which brings me to my next question.
I'm 28. Have an n count of 5. All ONS's until my wife. Never had great confidence with sex for some reason. I haven't had sex since she left, despite the opportunity multiple times. I don't know what's wrong with me. Since I'm fully redpilled now, I look at these girls and I can make a list of red flags in my head and reasons not to go there.
For the record I'm no "alpha" but I do have a good frame in terms of "don't give a shit". I lost it during my marriage but I'm straight back into it when socialising with other girls. To put it simple i think this is how i come across... "the good, smiley guy who likes a drink but why isn't he all over me like the other guys???". Also I have a reasonably good job and house etc. So some good smv points I just lack real confidence but I can fake it good.
I'm thinking about paying for it just to get the first one out the way? Because im meeting girls through my social circle I think it adds that bit of pressure of " if I pump and dump are my friends/extended friends going to be pissed?" I still need/want my social circle.
New year's eve I'm throwing a house party with 2 potentials coming, so may see how that goes then decide but any advice would be appreciated.
For the record I have no intention of wanting a relationship. Should I be upfront with these girls to minimise social damage?
Thanks all. My head is all over the place. Sometimes it's good just to write this shit down and there's no opinions I trust more than the fine folks at MGTOW.