I'll cut right to the chase on this one since I've spent many weeks mulling over what's happened in my thoughts and would like to contribute a cautionary if sad tale to this community. Two months ago today my mother assaulted my father for the last time - that I know of. After almost 30 years of marriage and countless events of verbal, spiritual, and physical abuse my mother was finally arrested on domestic violence/assault charges.
After bashing him over the head with his work laptop she took things to a new level and punched him the face with glasses on tearing the skin off the bridge of his nose with blood down his lips. It was only through my sister that he went to the police for the first time in his marriage. He and I feared that as a black man he'd be arrested somehow in her place but they miraculously believed him due to the the anguish in his eyes and that my parents are very wealthy upper-middle class. My father admitted how pitiful he looked as he begged the police officers not to humiliate his wife in the big house in their upscale neighborhood but fortunately the law was out of his hands.
So that evening the police came removing my mother and placing a retired Anesthesiologist into the back of the squad car from her McMansion into a dusky jail cell. That same night my fat live-at-home Aunt calls my father telling him and my sister every dirty name in the book and threatens him with violence from my Uncles; the reciprocity never came. My mother was then forbidden to call and hoped from one place to another unable to find a residence due to the domestic violence charges. Ironically, the disability income she fought so hard for will be in question now that she's been outed as a very able-bodied abuser. In retirement she makes more in a month than I do in a year yet her actions have placed her in criminal status.
I'm trying to condense a wall of text but a lot happens in two months. My father was a wreck without any overstatement of the fact; he constantly sobbed how he wished things hadn't become the way they were and how sorry he felt for his wife. Despite counsel from the Judge, his lawyer, and a family friend to leave her, keep the house, and get alimony he couldn't imagine a life without her. With no friends, hobbies, or outlets of his own he failed to go 28 days before inviting his abuser back into their home. She came running, although quietly.
To make matters worse, my sister and I were both there for him as he wailed how much it meant for his children to rally around him. We both did our utmost to show him the ways to leave our mother and be his own man. With promises that his god was on his side and this was divine intervention he would, he will. He failed.
Today, he's 57 and now spends his evenings after work as a mule for my mother, contentedly happy his life is in order. They're packing up 30 yrs of belongings so they can sell their 1.3 million dollar home from the most posh suburb in the city to build a bigger eyesore, on a smaller lot, in a worse neighborhood. A super McMansion on a crowded college street; all because my mother wants a dream home within walking distance of the stores.
My father built a CPA firm at which I am employed and owns many real estate properties so he's knowledgeable enough to know how much of a loss they'll incur when his children sell the monstrosity after they die. For few men though, emotion seldom gives way to reason when it comes to women. However hard a man's heart thirsts for freedom a lifetime of slavery is a hellish yoke.
I share my father's story to you all as a warning about what decades of marriage can do to a man who's not ready to remove himself from his bindings. I tried, tried so hard to save my father from a woman who's accosted my whole family under the encouragement of society and other women toward freedom. Sadly, he rejected changing into an unknown future and opted for the certainty of the sorry one he knows. No matter how hard you persist you cannot save someone unwilling to be free - even family.
TL,DR; Father marries into an abusive relationship for status, looks, and money. Decades later receives a lottery ticket for cash, property, and alimony. Rejects said ticket to continue the marriage. Is now too psychologically damaged to function alone and stays with abuser. Financially cucked with a huge investment he's obliged to pay for.