I can say that I no longer harbor any ill will toward my ex, the one who hurt me more than any human being ever has. The anger and revenge fantasies went on for years, and I just got sick and tired of hating her. So, after some therapy, I wrote her a forgiveness letter. My original plan was to just write it and never send it to her because I worried it would just open up a can of worms. Maybe she would take it the wrong way and we would just start fighting again. The original reason I had just cut off any communication with her was because we couldn't talk without fighting. I had decided it wasn't worth it to even talk to her because things just got worse every time.

Years went by before I finally wrote the forgiveness letter to just let it all go. I was just too weary to put any more energy into anger toward her or trying to justify myself in my mind to her. So I wrote that letter, and my therapist said it was very good and that it didn't have any blame in it. Then I took a chance and emailed it to her. I didn't even know if her email address was any good. I found it via a search online. I had no prior email for her because we were together before email was a thing.

She actually did appreciate getting my letter, and we've reconciled to a degree. I hadn't realized it, but I wasn't just hating her. I was hating myself. It's weird being in touch with her after all this time. Letting this anger go has gone a long way toward healing. Being so angry and unable to let go of that just was not serving me.

I've still got big hurdles to get over. I've forgiven the biggest one, but there are still women whom I can't stand. It's much tougher to forgive people who aren't remorseful and take no responsibility for their actions. Sadly, that's the state of many women today. So many women think it's perfectly normal to seek out a mate for the purpose of getting her bills paid. I cannot imagine treating another person like that. It makes me sick to think of it. With so many women living sick lives like that, I'm finding it very hard to forgive them. It makes me wonder if other men go through this. I've totally forgiven the women who hurt me most, but now it's proving even harder to forgive others.