How do you be a gray man?

Terminarch · 2019-08-03T05:09:36+00:00

How old are you? Could be a major factor. Early 20s here, easy to say 'I'm focusing on my career to afford a family!' then miraculously change my mind in early retirement.

Gray man is about hiding in plain sight so the question never even comes up. I am naturally indifferent to and uninterested in people so that helps a lot. They get the implicit sense I don't want them around (without hostility) and buzz off on their own.

Proper defletion requires reading intentions and being subtle with clues. A middle-aged woman wants someone to pay her bills? You can barely afford to keep the lights on. Hot chick wants a fling? Be a nice guy, she'll lose interest. Guys are talking about which coworker they'd love to bang? Play along and be picky. Prodding questions or concern? Express interest in having a girl but not getting one, other priorities or the like.

Never. Never, ever tell anyone how much money you have. Everyone thinks they know best what you should spend it on and that's usually women.

iseehot · 2019-08-03T12:17:50+00:00

In all that discussion about theory, there is a specific problem:

people realize that I don't have a girlfriend.

Tell them you're gay. Don't like that one?

Tell them you got married last weekend. No?

Tell them you found a girlfriend. Be ready to update the state of the relationship when asked every few months. No?

Engage them in a detailed list of everything you want in a girl. Be so unrealistically specific about eye color, height, cheekbones, hair color, style, and length, etc. No?

Switch the subject to something work related. No?

Make one up that fits your situation and keeps you off the radar in your specific situation. This is an ongoing problem that you will get better at over time. Good luck.

likwid2k · 2019-08-04T17:42:53+00:00

Lie, joke, and ignore. Don’t be aggressive in any way. However If you’re good looking, they may think your in the closet.

cz_masterrace · 2019-08-04T12:35:18+00:00

Highlight the positive aspects of being single and doing anything and everything you want. If you have time, make a checklist of all the things you are doing and all the things you could be doing with all of the free time and resources that are freed up due to your choice. I go down this list with friends and you know what? I get about halfway down the list and they have no argument or response and you can see some jealousy and envy in their eyes.

SparkMarcus · 2019-08-03T20:14:26+00:00

You should consider the Twitter SJWs strategies to avoid the others thinking you're an incel. People usually stop gossips when you accuse them of homophobia. And if someone ask you whether you're might be gay, just accuse the same people to spread false rumors about you.

BertTheWelder · 2019-08-03T18:21:33+00:00

In the short term, wear only anime and Rick & Morty shirts. That will repel most women and people won’t even think of trying to set you up with one.

In the long term, this stops happening the older you get. People assume a young guy without a gf just hasn’t met the right girl. People assume an older guy without a gf doesn’t have one for a reason.

30203forever · 2019-08-03T15:54:58+00:00

I am a grey man. Holding an insignificant job, having no car (not needed in my city), and dressing inconspicuously. The people in the office are probably thinking that I'm living from paycheck to paycheck. And yet, I hold $0.5 million in liquid assets and can tell those income statement rich / balance sheet poor who're really living from paycheck to paycheck and are half a year from bankruptcy should they lose their jobs and fail to find a new one "ta-ta" any time I feel like it.....

SullenBol · 2019-08-03T12:57:58+00:00

I think i have tried all my life to be a gray man when it comes to relations with girls. I know for sure that in college people were wondering why i'm never seen walking around with a girl. And i did try to do that, though to be honest, whoever was looking did not care. Sometimes, you have to realize that even if you become what society wants you to be, there will be something else they pick on.

These days i think i am confident in who i am. I don't really think that me not befriending or chatting up girls is anything weird. If people start saying i'm gay, (like they have rumored in the past) i'll just come out and say "what's your problem if i am?" I am no longer self-conscious because I KNOW WHO I AM. By the way, i would totally get a prostitute if the urges were strong. lol. I'd rather pay for sex upfront rather than labor for it for weeks or sometimes months in 'dating.'

daniellederek · 2019-08-03T12:11:33+00:00

Read up on avoidant personalities and deflection techniques.

When people try to ask personal information at work circle back to local major league sportsball and the weather.

If they pressure you into social situations sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and play along to be seen as a team player to get that promotion.

If pressured to go drinking just say it's not your scene. Dont ever lie about being a 12 stepper, that will do no good. Brings out the ones who will try and set you up with a "fixer of men"

DangZagnut · 2019-08-03T05:10:00+00:00

Be boring. Don't be emotional. Don't stand out. Don't project your personality onto others.

Cargo shorts, mute t-shirt. It really takes very little to look like just another guy.

Dls95405 · 2019-08-03T12:00:58+00:00

Fuck 'em. It makes no difference how you live your life, the majority of women are not going to be happy with what ever you are doing.

men4feminism · 2019-08-03T11:48:34+00:00

The more you try to avoid attracting attention from people the more you will attract them. In fact, this will even invite unwanted attention, largely because they can see you are trying to avoid them (and are unlikely to do anything about it since obviously you do not want a confrontation).

The simple answer is to shut that shit down. You don't have to be rude or aggressive about it. A simple response like "I don't really want to talk about it", or "I can take care of my own love life, thanks" is all it takes. If they refuse to listen then repeating the same response like "let's change the subject" stops any conversation in its tracks.

If you are worried saying this will result in people turning angry and hostile, based on my own experience this is in reality very unlikely and more a product of assuming the worst. Most people don't want a confrontation or fight. Anyone how does react very badly to gently being shut down is generally toxic/crazy and you really don't want such people in your life (and now have an excuse to ensure they are not).

kek_maga · 2019-08-03T10:59:00+00:00

Intelligent OP. Congratulations for seeing beyond the veil of illusions... Gray man can be attributed to many facets of life; and especially effective one being survivalist in SHTF situations...on a sidenote the most dangerous man in the room is often the most quiet and subdued. I would encourage you to continue to reject. Simpdom and become your best version. See YouTube; 33 Secrets

unkill_009 · 2019-08-03T09:42:02+00:00

Okay this might work but follow but don't blame me if it back fires

Make a sob story about how SO tragically died and how she was the only one or your true love, sprinkle some guilt about moving on and it would be unfair to date someone new with so much baggage

After couple of years fake some progress in dating world and then maybe when asked for update say it didn't work, keep repeating it and you become the tragic hero

treble-n-bass · 2019-08-03T07:59:24+00:00

Who the hell cares what other people think? Fuck 'em.

ELPwork · 2019-08-03T07:08:22+00:00

Who cares what they think? You shouldn't. Don't waste any of your energy worrying about what others think of you.

ThatsReallyGr8 · 2019-08-03T06:30:41+00:00

Just don't stand out in any way that draws attention to you especially when it comes to money. I just tell them that I'm a bit of a hermit. Which I happen to be. Just make something up.

AlanTheGr8 · 2019-08-03T05:36:15+00:00

One, ask obi wan kenobi.

Two, it sounds like you know other peoples opinions about u are correct.

Personally the way I do it, is, I do occasionally stare at hot chicks and then I ignore them.

Terminarch · 2019-08-03T05:34:02+00:00

How old are you? Could be a major factor. Early 20s here, easy to say 'I'm focusing on my career to afford a family!' then miraculously change my mind in early retirement.

Gray man is about hiding in plain sight so the question never even comes up. I am naturally indifferent to and uninterested in people so that helps a lot. They get the implicit sense I don't want them around (without hostility) and buzz off on their own. I also overplay my OCD and social awkwardness so if I suddenly get twitchy or lose focus in a conversation it's nothing unusual. In short, I choose to stick out in obvious ways which distracts the casual onlooker. Misleading people into assuming I'm some idiot savant or something is better than being bothered with questions.

But that's just one way. No one should ever have reason to believe you're hiding something. Gray man comes from the survival term. Never wear camo or carry a large amount of supplies in an apocalypse or you will be a target. Avoid scrutiny whenever possible by simply not being interesting. Think about walking down a busy street or taking a city bus. Who did you remember? What details made you stop and think? That is the average viewer's perspective. You are nothing special to them, don't give them a reason to think otherwise.

Under directed scrutiny, proper defletion requires reading intentions and being subtle with clues. A middle-aged woman wants someone to pay her bills? You're incompetent and can barely afford to keep the lights on. Hot chick wants a fling? Be a nice guy, she'll lose interest. Guys are talking about which coworker they'd love to bang? Play along and be picky. Prodding questions or concern? Express interest in having a girl but not getting one, other priorities or the like.

Never. Never, ever tell anyone how much money you have. Everyone thinks they know best what you should spend it on and that's usually women.

The_other_account22 · 2019-08-03T05:29:00+00:00

It's much easier in big cities where you can blend into the background of most environments and just be another face in the crowd. If you're in a small community where everyone is in everyone else's business, you might have a hard time of it. And harder you try to detach or unplug from people in a small town, the more you'll pique their curiosity. That's when people do one of two things: pry or gossip. Either they try to find out what they don't know about you or fill in the blanks with their own imaginations.

Title	How do you be a gray man?
Author	CalmElk
Upvotes	56
Comments	29
Date	August 3, 2019 4:32 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/cleom2/how_do_you_be_a_gray_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/how-do-you-be-a-gray-man.812637 https://theredarchive.com/post/812637