Everywhere I go I always get asked when I'm getting a girlfriend, how much experience I have with women things like that. It's like no one cares if I'm happy or my personality they only care if I'm successful with women. But they expect me to work on my personality, develop more hobbies. "Girls want a fun guy. You're too boring." It's getting worse now that everyone on the internet is talking about dating. I can't browse self improvement forums anymore because they all talk about the women they've been with and how I'm not really improving my life if I spend it alone. Even when I'm alone there's always this nagging thought that I need to stop hiding and change myself.

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If I have to be honest I was never good with women. People tell me the benefits of relationships like you will be much happier and your life will be more fulfilling. I feel like it's not true but I'm sometimes doubting myself. What if I just haven't met the right girl? What if I just need to work on myself more? I'm starting to lose friends because my friends keep asking why I'm not actively approaching women and trying. "You need to put yourself out there like a real man. If you're too scared you deserve to be alone". My family doesn't like me anymore because I'm too "boring". They're always expecting me to keep giving them exciting life updates but my life is the same.

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I like to read a lot and meditate but no one accepts me the way I am. Sometimes I just want to meditate all day but it just seems like I need to fall in love and be a part of society like a "real man".

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But I don't understand why people place so much importance on intimate relationships when they don't even care about me as a person. How am I supposed to be myself around a girl when I'm expected to change myself completely and give up my hobbies? Why does everyone think I'm escaping reality and taking the "easy way" out? The worst feeling of loneliness is when I'm around other people who make me feel lonely but they're everywhere. It's like there's no escape.