I was supposed to fit in society and live a normal life, but as my life progressed and my inability to find a relationship became more apparent, people around me began to assume, even on a subconscious level, that they needed to stay away from me. This manifested as suddenly becoming uncomfortable if I try to tell a slightly edgy joke that isn't really that offensive or openly not giving a shit about my hobbies and opinions in a group conversation where everyone else has the luxury of talking about their hobbies and opinions.

Sooner or later this escalated into a bizarre form of social isolation, wherein I was able to talk to people, but I'd be hard-pressed to form genuine connections or even gain any ounce of proper respect. It's not so much finding a girlfriend that's the issue; it's that quiet lack of respect that you can never address because no one wants to look like an asshole, and thus they'll deny whatever observations I was making.

In the midst of this isolation, it was these insecurities that somehow reinforces the peers' assumptions, thus perpetuating that quiet isolation and lack of respect. It got so bad that my peers no longer felt any hint of remorse or guilt when ignoring or even mocking me.

It sent me into a frenzy as I became dangerously obsessed with the very thing that caused this entire fiasco to begin in the first place: my inability to find a girlfriend. Because, while girlfriends aren't necessarily the answer to all life's problems, they certainly help elevate one's social status to that of a more marketable human being.

It got to a point where I realized I was going to die alone, and that, coupled with all my previous baggage, almost provoked me into giving up life I just couldn't cope with the fact that I had that kind of effect on girls/women throughout my adolescence. It made me feel like I was just a burden to other people and could provide no real value in anything.

But I learned to embrace solitude and know its worth. It was a slow grind, wondering right up until then....wondering:

Why did it have to be this way?

Amidst the darkness, I realized society only has power over people so long as they don’t take everything away from them. But when you’ve robbed a man of everything he’s no longer in your power — he’s free again. I no longer needed to sacrifice myself upon the altar of relationships and women.

I wondered "Was the juice worth the squeeze?" I sometimes still wince from the memories of the painful struggle I endured and I realized.

Not everyone can be MGTOW.

Not everyone is strong enough.

Not everyone will find contentment, happiness, or any sort of fulfillment.

But at the very least, in knowing this, you have a foundation in which you can confront life. The truth is the only thing that can simultaneously refresh, hurt and set you free.