I'm sometimes jealous of my friends because they have hot girlfriends but I'm starting to reach something like post nut clarity.

I was hanging out with them one day and feeling left out when I was still the only guy by myself. I saw their girlfriends dressed nicely and in the moment, I just wanted a girlfriend sitting next to me so that I could feel normal. But as I was listening to their conversations and I started to use my big head when I realize I felt like I didn't belong, like there was not much in common, it was mostly vapid conversation about other people. It hurt that they would say shit about other people behind their back but somehow best friends. I like to talk about ideas but I don't know that many people who are like me.

I notice when I see an attractive woman, my mind starts to slip into the blue pill fantasy and telling me "she is not like the other girls". But as I interact with her in my group of friends I start to lose attraction as I realize there isn't much in common. People would tell me to learn more about her hobbies and keep it simple but I felt like it was so unnatural. I wouldn't put all that effort for another man.

The moment of clarity taught me mother nature uses biology against me to make me feel attracted to her so that I will reproduce with her and continue the legacy. It's supposed to overwhelm me so that I don't have enough time to think rationally. But once I start to put on the MGTOW glasses I realize that it's a trap and I wouldn't even bother trying if it wasn't for hormones. By the time you think rationally you are trapped in a marriage that you want to get out of but it's too late.