1st FR: Not looking good

August 1, 2016
5 upvotes

Hello brothers. I have been lurking here since mid-June after another nasty altercation (verbal) with my wife upon returning from military duty (I am in the Army National Guard), and have been slowly learning what I can and attempting to internalize the concepts presented here (very difficult to unlearn your entire worldview in just a few weeks, so it is slow-going for me). I'd like to start by defining myself and my wife before getting into my story.

Myself:

  • 38, married for 12 years, 3 kids, one on the way

  • Come from a divorced household, former blue pill father (now somewhat red pill without knowing it, maybe more MGTOW); manipulative and CC riding mother pre and post divorce (seriously fucked up childhood that obviously contributed)

  • Good career (engineer working in construction), struggled for many years after the 2008 crash but now junior partner in a small firm and finally making 6 figures

  • Part-time soldier, combat vet (infantry), very good at this portion of my life, very physically fit (not huge, but lifting hard since June, previously alternated crossfit and starting strength for a few years but mostly built like a strong runner)

  • Formerly Alpha prior to marriage (or at least less beta), fucked lots of chicks (well, if 40-50 counts as a lot), used to play guitar in some metal bands and DJ'ed for a while (chicks love to fuck guys that pretend to create music, lol, WTF?), but mostly HB 5-7’s I’d guess

  • was friends with wife for many years prior to hooking up (she had a long term boyfriend, I was still banging randoms and breaking ugly sluts hearts). We did not like each other prior to hooking up. She was a cunt, I was a purple pill playboy.

  • we hooked up as I was training up to go to Iraq in 04. Married her right before I left (what a faggot) because I was in LUUUUV and so she would be covered on my insurance

  • Problems began immediately and have only gotten worse over time (she is a fucking spectacular alpha, lol)

  • Sex began hot as fuck (first night she was blowing me in my buddy's bathroom with people waiting outside); now we have sex once a year if that, and only to create kids.

  • I have cheated on her numerous times since 2010 (I think around 10, some were hookers though)

  • became Catholic after marrying her, try to be pretty serious about it (obviously failing); I would and will still be when she’s gone, and will raise the kids that way

Wife:

  • 42, former HB 7.5-ish, kinda chub now, extremely Catholic now

  • N count somewhere around 4-10 as best I can tell

  • Fucked up family (father alcoholic, originally a fucking super Alpha who slowly became beta with time and his wife’s harpiness increased, he died of cancer a few years ago; mother super passive aggressive, hypochondriac, and generally awful person to be around most of the time, also has chronic illness (Lyme’s Disease); sister rode CC and is late thirties with no man, super liberal and partial misandrist)

  • She is a good but overbearing mother, homeschools the kids, very hard worker, shitty caretaker of the home, which causes lots of angst on my part

  • loves to start new renovation projects and never finish them, without asking me first, and then I clean them up

  • Originally purchased the 60 year-old house we live in, but I have been paying for it since 2005. This is a big and weird deal; It seems to limit her ability to follow my lead in regard to home issues since “she” bought it originally

  • Had horses when we married (5), now down to 3, but we also have a menagerie of goats, dogs, chickens, guinea hens, and cats

  • Mostly prudish when it comes to sex, in the beginning was a little more adventurous, but obviously now it’s like fucking a nun, and an old one at that

  • She formerly controlled all finances (she has her MBA and is very good with them, I can’t lie), but since choking the pill down a bit, I have been wrestling them back with mixed results (may have gone full bore too soon)

  • She thinks I have serious PTSD from the war; I think I am just an asshole, a sensitive butthurt faggot, and too beta for my own good

Story:

My marriage has been shit for years. Got married very hastily, went to war, didn’t die, came back and when back to work. We fucked ok for a few months, then took a break so that we could have a catholic wedding and “pretend” to be virgins (I am a faggot, yes) as the church wants you to if you are already married by justice of the peace. We get married, there is already a lot of arguing because of the amount of time I devote to work, the Army, and working out. This increases slowly for a few years until I leave for several months of military training (Ranger school). My neglect of her “emotionally” prior to this is fodder for many arguments. I come back from school, not giving a fuck because I am a (so I think) semi-badass again, and the shit just goes downhill. She always wants to bang late at night; I tell her no b/c I have work (total fucking retard), and then it becomes a cold war. I want to bang in the AM; she does not. So we go months without banging. When we do, it sucks. No kids yet; we think we can’t have any. We have a huge dustup at Christmas in 2008; the next day we find out she’s pregs. Things get better for a while during the pregnancy, but I am out of pocket with training the whole year (deploying again 2010) plus studying to get my professional license for 6 months, so it gets rough at the end. First son is born, 4 months later I am gone. In Iraq, we talk on the phone when I can, but I’m pretty fucking busy so it’s like a once a week call. Other fags call home every day; this is held against me still. Fuck you bitch, I’m busy, lol.

Anyway, meet this broad other there that totally digs me, and shit starts happening. We don’t fuck (it all happened at the end, plus I was a large pussy about it), but we had serious feelz going on and then I had to bounce. I come home, wife’s dad has cancer and is dying, and wife is totally preoccupied. I try to bang a few times, but it sucks (starfish), she cries a lot, and I get tired of begin told I am a shit lover. So I say fuck it, I will never initiate again and start going on the prowl elsewhere. I do, and bang some sluts here and there. Wife continues to want kids, as do I, so occasionally we have boring starfish to conceive. She is now convinced I withhold sex (I do not, but told her about the non-initiating thing like a faggot).

Our arguments are fairly formulaic. She starts with some shit she thinks I’m doing wrong, I get all butthurt about it and tell her to go fuck herself, she calls me immature and a terrible husband, I just freeze her out for a while until I don’t want to smash her face in with a bat. I try not to do it in front of the kids, but she chases me all over to continue fights and talk about our “relationship”. I formerly did not want to be a pussy and would not leave. I can see the effect this is having on my babies and it really hurts.

I stumbled upon this sub and started reading the sidebar. Read NMMNG (reading again because it hasn’t sunk in yet), partially through WISNIFG, and read this sub and Ask MRP and Ask TRP daily. The last few altercations I have tried AM, fogging, broken record, negative inquiry, with mixed results. She thinks I am using some psycho mumbo-jumbo and am acting like a teenager. I try my best to STFU but she will needle me until I have to say something, or go apeshit. I have done well restraining my anger and have only popped off with a fuck you or go fuck yourself twice since then. The other day I bought her a new van, then the day after continued painting the trim in my bathroom. It was coming out a little rough because of the heat (I live in the deep south) and she just went off on me about it. I tried to STFU, but she kept nagging, so that’s when the “go fuck yourself” came out. That escalated the situation, so I left for 4 hours to shop for my son’s b-day present and drink beer with my little brother. He is actually pretty red pill and non-judgmental, and an all around good person to talk to. I go home and everything is ok for a while. Kids ask why I left and was I still mad at mom, so obviously the butthurt was obvious when I rolled out. She brought that shit up again that night, I STFU as best I could and just said I won’t put up with crappy treatment. She said the usual “you are so immature and this is not a real relationship” bullshit. Since then we’ve had radio silence.

Things I have concluded:

  • I am the reason shit is this way

  • I need to continue to lift, read, and STFU

  • I need to seriously work toward OI, AM, and controlling my anger

  • I am very angry but not sure at whom (mostly her when I should be angry at myself). I am so angry that I do not want to initiate kino because of my lingering butthurt and probable rejection.

  • I think I went so beta so fast in the beginning that it will be very difficult to get back to being an Alpha that she will respect (she said she can never respect me acting this way now)

  • I somewhat hate her and don’t really want to be married anymore, but am very reluctant to leave with small kids 6 and under, plus another one coming soon, plus family and church fallout, but have the strength to do it when I finally call time

  • I have some game and can get laid, but I need much improvement in my cold approaches and not going blue pill once they show interest

  • I do not have a MAP yet and I really am not sure where I want to go with regard to her (as in stay with her dumb ass or kick her to the curb)

  • My one-itis isn’t as bad as some others; I find myself dreaming about her untimely demise and it gives me joy

So, if you made it this far, awesome. You have seen that I am fucking retarded and need to do a lot of work to progress. I am sure I left some things out, but I’m trying to cram this in between shit I need to be doing at work.

I love this site, and it has been helping me out so much. It is blowing up my marriage, lol, but it is slowly pulling me out of my funk and helping me work toward being the man I want (and somewhat used) to be. I am very grateful for your insight and contributions, and look forward to hearing what you have to say. Thanks.

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Post Information
Title 1st FR: Not looking good
Author bowhunter6
Upvotes 5
Comments 19
Date August 1, 2016 9:03 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/1st-fr-not-looking-good.199707
https://theredarchive.com/post/199707
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4vos7z/1st_fr_not_looking_good/
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