So my sweet little 11 year old girl, full of smiles and braces, has become yet another angry child in the house. The first morning it started I was at the table having come home from the gym and a 12 hour shift at the jail. the 11 year old has flown into a rage over every thing, and I could hear her and her mom getting into it over everything. Ahhh the joys of pre-teens.
My youngest kids, boy and girl (7 and 6) came plodding down the hall.
Them: Jackie's (name changed) angry again.
I could have decided then and there to wade in like a general on the battlefield. Separate the two and find out what was the cause. And like a good diplomat solve the situation and get the things moving again. That really wouldn't have solved anything but got me embroiled in the emotional turmoil going on. LIke wrestling with a pig. Pig's happy, I'm dirty.
What would I be instead? The calm one. The rock. Against all the emotional storms raging around me I am the one unmoved. I sat there and engaged the littles. I asked about the day they were about to have, what they were looking forward to and some how got roped into promising to take them to a haunted house this weekend. All the while down the hall way a war was being waged. Yet things in Switzerland were fine.
Soon the wife came down the hall. Looking hot as fuck. Woke me up better than coffee. I sat back. She was angry as hell. I don't think I've ever seen that anger before. To be honest it was kind of hot.
Me: hey sexy.
Wife: Don't sexy me. What are you going to do about your daughter?
Me: She deserves a spanking.
Wife: You can't Spank an 11 year old. I can't believe your are being obtuse about this (obtuse is her favorite word).
Me: I wasn't talking about her.
And I reached out and smacked my wife's ass....hard.
She yelped. The littles laughed seeing their mom get spanked. The youngest daughter even remarked that "dad spanked you". As for the wife there was a mix of looks. Incredulous, shock, and yes...happiness. I shit you not a smile briefly crossed her face. It was like a reset, the anger was gone but she tried to pretend it was there. Never ceases to amaze that a smack on the ass can do that.
Wife: I can't believe you did that. Jackie is out of control and all you can think about is my ass.
Me: Pretty much. What else am I going to think about? It's a nice ass.
Wife: How about dealing with your daughter? She won't dress appropriately for the weather and refuses....
I raised my hand like a traffic cop and stopped her from talking.
Me: I'll take them to the bus. You go to work.
She tried to draw me in more with how Jackie can't be this way, what bill needs to be paid, basically giving me a list of shit to do. I sit there and make funny faces at the littles.
Wife shuffles off, no longer angry but certainly bratty. I like bratty girls.
I pack the littles up easily. Jackie is another story. I let her behavior happen parallel to me. What she said or did was not important. Like she was on the outside of the house and we were inside. I did set the standard with her. She was to be ready, eat breakfast, the car leaves on time.
She did none of it. Arguing with me the entire time, though I wasn't arguing. Other then maturity I was literally watching my wife in miniature form.
When time came to leave jackie was still arguing, not dressed right, a piece of toast in her hand, three steps behind everyone else. The car was backing up when she appeared. The bus stop isn't far, but far enough to be a chore. The wife likes to do it and engages the other moms there. I had another plan.
Jackie runs to me as I am backing pulling out and drive away. I watch in the review as her angry little self stomps down the sidewalk. For you SJW out there the bus stop is 4 blocks, and straight down the road. And there are several other kids that are walking to the bus.
She eventually makes it. Humble, cold, I let her in the car to wait the last few minutes for the bus.
Her: I'm sorry dad.
Me: For what?
Her: I was mean to mom and you.
I look at her. She had been crying but there was still some defiance in her. I knew this wasn't over, she was more sad about not getting her way then truly sorry for what she had done, but now wasn't the time.
Me; You need to stop otherwise you are going to be in the cold a lot more often.
She nodded but not truly understanding other then her current feelings. That's fine. This is a long game. I've got time.
The bus came and left. I returned home. Sitting here I thought about what Epictetus said.
First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do
Epictetus is asking who would you be. What sort of man are you? If you are called to action do you have a plan? Do you have the ability to handle the situation you are about to get into? Are you prepared? I dare say all men are able to handle these situations, but we forget, we hide, and are ashamed to be the one unmoved by the events around us. The Blue Pill desire to appease takes over and we want to be liked, fucked, and happy. You want revenge or want someone to understand so deeply why they failed and why you are right, that you are willing to do anything to prove this.
Stop. Decide who you are. Does the rest of that matter? We forget that all those things are up to us. How we handle events and that we don't need to lower ourselves to that degrading level of validation. Life goes on and it is up to us to make that happen regardless of what goes on around us. Does the argument really matter?
Determine who you would be. MRP gives you that path to discover this. Decide this then do what you have to do.
Acting from emotion is fine. emotion is what gets you into action. Anger, fear, hunger, horny, all these things cause an energy surge of one sort if another and spur you to act. The problem lies when they guide you, take control, and become the only reason you act or think.
Your actions should be measured. Energized by emotion but not guided nor clouded by them. When her emotional storms rage it is not your decision but it is yours to decide how you deal with it. I am repeating MRP teaching but it is important to remember it is a subtle difference.
She can rage all day about one thing or the other. Though you must listen for the underpinning causes of this storm, your action is still the same. Don't deal with emotion, they are merely signs of something greater. She needs to be fucked, comforted, or to know that you are in charge of everything. You need to show her you are. That you are indeed in control and master of not only of the ship, but of yourself.
Seneca gives the best advice, perhaps boils MRP down to one simple sentence.
Step back some distance and laugh.
Later that afternoon kids came home happy and bright. Though Jackie still had (and does have) moments, they are containable and a lot less explosive as that first one. It's a process.
That night I had sex with a very bratty girl.