I love the game. Women love the game. Everyone loves the game. If you don't love the game, you aren't an attractive person. Period.
What is the game? And why must you play it? Game, in its shortest definition, is the social interplay between men and women. It doesn't matter whether you're married, single, in a relationship, or otherwise, you should always be playing the game - because the game is fun.
High Level and Abstract
Social attraction and flirting have no barrier on whether or not anyone needs to put out or act on it. The men who don't understand this basic concept, who wrap up covert contracts into the simple act of flirting, are highlighted all the time over at r/niceguys. Those guys are fucking faggots, omega at their core (if you buy into the terminology), and are shunned by everyone as they ought to be.
Attractive people flirt. That's how it goes. That's why attractive people are attractive. Just because you're flirting, doesn't mean you're keen on fucking. Grasp that subtlety. Flirting makes people feel good. Being flirted with makes you feel good. As a high value individual, you should be adding value in any given situation. Making people around you feel good should be something you're doing by default. Since this post isn't about attractiveness, I won't delve into situational awareness w.r.t flirting - but suffice it to say, don't be a social retard, it's unattractive.
Note for all you newbie Neds - if your wife isn't being flirted with, she's probably bottom of the barrel. If you're salty because people are hitting on your wife, all you're doing is demonstrating how unattractive you are. Note that this is also why mate guarding is so detrimental to your attractiveness - because it demonstrates the fact that you are either unaware of or scared shitless by the possibility of loss (i.e. no alternative options). You think Hef was scared to lose bunnies?
When a woman is single, you're competing with everyone. When a woman is taken, you're only competing with one person.
Even fat chicks get fucked on eurotrips.
But mister, I'm a social retard. I don't know how to flirt.
Luckily for you, a whole bunch of other social retards got together back in the late 90s and early 2000s to deconstruct interpersonal social dynamics. It works great for people who have no idea what they're doing. That's how I was first introduced to this material. The classics are classics for a reason.
Let's start with where I started back in 2008 -
The sheer amount of basic information is staggering. It covers everything from posture, to conversation, to tricks and gimmicks (palm reading, cube, etc.), eye contact, body language, the whole 9 yards. It has basic routines and structured game that you can run if you have no idea what you are doing. Mystery's M3 model is covered here as well. Best done calibrating with in field experience.
The ridicule of keyboard jockeys was immense then too. The guys who don't get in field, but instead sit around,
jerking off theorizing about hypotheticals. Still happens all the time, guys with no practical experience who posit lots and lots of bullshit. It's very transparent to anyone who actually puts in work.
Somewhere during the mid to late 2000s, there was a big shift to inner game, value giving, and congruence. This is pivotal, but useless without the in field foundation from structured game - because it's so easy to delude oneself. I knew a guy who was pumped because he f-closed and eventually caught feelings for ... a tranny. We judged the hell out of him. Not so different from MRP. It's so easy to bullshit yourself - but does it matter if you're actually happy?
Back then, r/seduction (aka seddit) was still pretty good. Here is TofuTofu's guide to inner game. The focus here was getting to the point of personal congruence and recognizing you are enough - and getting the reference experiences to reinforce the point. So many men in MRP fail because they lack congruence - what do you want? and the more important followup - what are you willing to do to get that? Without the answer to these questions - your actions don't really matter. "I'm not sure, yet.", "I'm figuring it out.", and "I don't care." are perfectly acceptable if that's congruent with where you're at.
The most important work to come out of this era was probably RSDNation's Blueprint Decoded. There used to be downloadable audio and videos of the seminar, but I think it's been lost with time (but here are the pdf notes). To be perfectly honest, I didn't get through the entire thing - but the one thing that stuck out to me was Tyler's line "Most people go through life in a walking daze."
Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter documentary - One of my favorite documentaries which highlights how much of game is more than just about looks. While looks matter, so much of it is about fixing the mindsets and attitudes that have been fucked by modern blue pill society.
But Mister. I'm seriously retarded. I don't actually know how to put any of this into practice.
Okay - so you understand IoIs, so you understand eliciting values, you understand body language, and congruence, and the whole 9 yards. You know interpersonal touch is important, but you don't know how to go about implementing any of this information.
Since everyone here is married, I hope to go this isn't any one of you guys, but in case it is - in case it's been so many years that you've avoided platonic touching, here's a refresher.
The definitive work to kino is Vin Dicarlo's Kino Escalation Ladder. Lots of youtube videos on this, but the premise is simple. We have parts of our body and person that are more personal than others. By leveraging this information, we can gauge our level of comfort. If we're intimately familiar with someone, we let them closer to our personal space. Similarly, if you're playing with a girl's face, hair, or ears, you're in.
If you don't know how to establish comfort and dominance and attraction via body language and eye contact, you must know at least how different ways to touching people trigger various types of psychological responses. If a girl's willing to share a drink with you, she's willing to be kissed by you. If you're brushing hair out of her eyes and she's not flinching, she's willing to make out with you. The difference between standing side-to-side versus a tight angle. Locking eyes while imaging her naked and squirming, and how that changes the look you're giving her. How many of you men are gaming your wives at this level?
I've written before about how 93% of communication has nothing to do with the words we're speaking. That was in the context of talking and congruence. When it comes to game, 93% of communication still has nothing to do with the words you're speaking - but so much of it is posture, body language, eye contact, intonation. You, as an attractive man, who flirts with everyone, should be leveraging and practicing with this in mind so that you're developing that level of attractiveness and seductiveness without ever having to rely excessively on the physical. Can you tell a woman you find her sexy with just your eyes? With just the way you're looking at her? Just by the fact that you've checked her out from head to toe, knowing she knows, and having no shame about appreciating such a fine, fine woman?
The best compliment I've ever received was from this beautiful half-vietnamese half-french girl during my PUA days. What she said was "You're not much to look at, but there's something about you that's just so attractive." That was all personality, self certainty, swag. How are you subcommunicate your ownership of your sexual nature as a man to sexually attractive women?
The dirty little secret
The pickup world is ultimately a numbers game. The more women you interact with, the more women that potentially fit the bill for what you're after. Something like 5% like you outright, 5% hate you outright, and 90% are indifferent. You need to be physically attractive because that skews the numbers game more in your favor. But the truth is, not everyone is going to like you. You're not going to like everyone. So in the pickup world, what you're really doing is filtering for the common matches that share common goals. But you're a married man - so does any of this actually apply to you?
Remember the rules
- Rule 1. Be Attractive. Game will help you here because attractive people play the game.
- Rule 2. Don't be unattractive. This is where most of you will fuck up. How does game help you here?