Putting your own interests first.
Mental point of origin.
No matter how we like to describe it, it's vital for a truly masculine man to understand and embody these ideals.
Putting yourself as your mental point of origin is instinctual. It's ingrained in our genetic programming. In today's culture though, it has been conditioned out of men. Think about it; it’s no different than a hypergamous woman. Both drives seek to ensure the survival of the man or the woman. Self interest and hypergamy are logical, evolutionary survival behaviors. So take back your sense of mental point of origin.
When was the last time you made a decision that was truly self-serving? Something that unapologetically put you and your interests first? I find that if I think back to my high school and elementary school days I realize that my frame was better than it was when I was in college, in my 20s and most of my 30s. Why? Because I was a little more selfish. A little more "what's in it for me?" It was instinctive. It was natural. Kids are born selfish. It’s natural.
I am a Led Zeppelin fan. I have been since I was in high school. This probably isn't a coincidence that it coincides with a time in my life that I was a little more “out for numero uno.”
Let’s examine some lyrics from the first song off their first album, "Good Times Bad Times.”
“In the days of my youth
I was told what it was to be a man
Now I've reached the age
I've tried to do all those things the best I can
No matter how I try
I find my way to do the same old jam.”
These lyrics describe, to me anyway, the path our culture is trying to put men on. The conditioning to act in a way that ultimately doesn't benefit the man. Even in the 60s this was an undercurrent in society.
I've always found Zeppelin's tunes to be energizing. Unapologetic, masculine, driving, powerful music. Then in college and thereafter I listened to more and more "puss rock." It makes sense. After all, we're told women like emotional men and vulnerability. Insert eye roll emoji. I still like some of that puss rock stuff but I can't listen to it without hearing the bad advice it gives men.
Lets examine a song title...
Another great Zeppelin tune, "Nobody's Fault But Mine," to me is an OYS (own your shit) declarative. The title says enough about that one. Just listen to it.
Robert Plant understood women and sexual interaction. Maybe it was only subconsciously, but isn't that really how it's supposed to be? It's only been thrust into the overt through the manosphere because men have been lead astray.
More from “Good Times.”
“Good times, bad times
You know I had my share
When my woman left home
With a brown eyed man
Well, I still don't seem to care.”
This reminds men to have abundance. Be the one with less to lose. There are other women out there. Even if you're married, divorce is an option if the dynamics are unhealthy.
“Sixteen I fell in love
With a girl as sweet as could be
Only took a couple of days
Till she was rid of me
She swore that she would be all mine
And love me till the end
When I whispered in her earI lost another friend.”
Oooh man... these lyrics should sting for a lot of men. They do for me. Reminds me of how my “first love” ended. I was a needy bitch and it drove her away from me. Four years, over, just like that. It should Sting, and be a reminder why you have to make yourself your mental point of origin. This verse describes an awareness of hypergamy and the need for masculine frame like no other lyrical prose I know. But again, don't be bitter about it. It's just the nature of women. They aren't to blame. Just know how to navigate it. Don’t drown your woman with your negative emotions. They aren’t built to care.
Let's take a look at some lyrics from "Black Country Woman." Rumor has it that Zeppelin recorded this in Mick Jagger's backyard. In the beginning you can hear an airplane flying over and (i think) Plant telling the sound tech to "leave it" in the recording. Anyway, this song preaches about having options as a man.
“Hey, hey, mama, why'd you treat me mean
You didn't have to say you'd always be by my side
You didn't have to tell me you'd be my blushing bride
Hey, hey, mama, why you treat me mean
But that's alright, I know your sisters, too.”
This reminds us to never over invest or get Oneitis. Have options. This includes your wife. Your marriage doesn’t define you. Have women who are social acquaintances. Socialize. Go out without your wife sometime. Make mental notes of women who give you IOIs. This is outside the scope of this post but you get the idea.
The "Lemon Song" - a song modeled after an old revived American blues tune called the "Killing Floor" By Howlin' Wolf. It's about not seeing what a woman can do to you if aren't wary and discerning. The inspiration for the song came after Wolf's wife actually peppered him in the back with buckshot from a second story window after she suspected him of cheating. Some women are lemons, pretty on the outside but can be sour when you get to the middle. There is also some phenomenal drumming in this tune but I digress.
To me, the best way to have frame is to have your internal game on point by making sure you’ve got what makes you happy in order first.
Critics of this idea will conflate this kind of mental point of origin with being unilaterally selfish, without awareness of others' needs and feelings. They'd be wrong. That’s not what it’s about. I have a wife and two kids. Of course I want them to be happy. Of course I want them to have fulfilling, successful lives. When dad is happy, their happiness will more easily follow. The opposite of “happy wife, happy life.” I adopt this frame because I'm a better father, husband and member of society when I ensure that I'm happy, that I'm taken care of and that I'm able to be a masculine man. It's the airplane oxygen mask theory in play.
My wife still accuses me of being selfish sometimes. It’s a metric that lets me know I’m not falling into the plow horse roll. Just a month ago, my wife was ranting about something my daughter did. Something she wasn’t supposed to. She says, “she’s just like you, she doesn’t care... she only cares about what she wants.” It was all emotion. Addressing that is the scope of another post.
Look back to your childhood. What drove you? What inspired you? What did you gravitate towards? Think about hobbies. Think leisure activities. Think about your social activities.
Think about the girls you found attractive. What did the girls like about you? More importantly, Why did they? Did you tease them? I bet you did. Did you not give a fuck if they ignored you? Probably not, because you were on your way to play flag football or ride bikes with your elementary school buddies. What did you and your friends do together? Men bond over activities. Women bond over talking about feelings and things. Know the difference.
Bring some of these behaviors back into your life and you'll find yourself being more grounded in your frame, developing your internal game and being less reactive to the forces around you.
(Edited for formatting)