~ archived since 2018 ~

A note for the Latter-Day Saints, Mormons, and frankly anyone from a traditional Christian background...

December 4, 2018

A big thank you to u/becoming_alpha for proofreading and fixing this giant wall off text.

We've noticed a ton of Latter-Day Saint posters come through here and thought this might help you get started. You may wonder if this is for you. Read this long post before you decide.

Why You Are Here

You’re a Latter-day Saint. A member of the Church of Jesus Christ. And you’ve got marriage problems. You feel like you were bait and switched, sold a bill of goods. You probably found this place Googling something like “why won’t my wife have sex with me” or “why doesn’t my wife desire me” or “how can I get my wife to desire sex with me.”

Or maybe you were sent here by a well-meaning friend. You’ve taken a vow of chastity. That is that you will not have sex with any woman other than your wife.

What do you do when she won’t have sex with you as often as you want, as passionately, or even at all?

You feel stuck. You’ve covenanted to be sexual with her and only her, but she doesn’t want to be sexual with you. You feel like you’re a roommate that she’ll occasionally have sex with to keep you around.

This Isn’t What I Signed Up For

Why do God and the Church command you to remain faithful but very little is said about her responsibilities? Doesn’t she have a duty to you just as much as you have a duty to her?

You were told during your entire time in the Church that sex within the bounds of marriage is good, beautiful and holy. But you can see it’s just a chore for her. Perhaps as a youth you were told that if you could just hold out until marriage that this wonderful world would be open to you with your beautiful bride and you would be free to explore and do whatever you want with her forever. Maybe it started that way.

Why now will she not have sex with you now?

After all, you’re “Peter Priesthood”. You Protect, Provide, and Preside. You do all the stuff in the Family Proclamation... but she seems less and less interested in you.

You do what’s right. You follow the Commandments most of the time. You go to church on Sundays. You magnify your calling. You dutifully go to your job to make money to provide for your family. Maybe you figured out that whole protect thing (chances are you have, most US based male Saints are gun owners). But do you really preside? (I’ll get to that later)

Duty Sex – Lack of Desire

Your wife doesn’t seem to be attracted to you like she was when you were dating and couldn’t wait to have sex. Maybe you made it to the finish line before going all the way, maybe you didn’t but the Honeymoon is officially over. She has dutiful boring sex with you once every while.

She complains that she “needs to feel more loved to have sex” or that “she’s just not very sexual.” You notice that she just wants to get it over as quickly as possible. It feels like she’s just checking another item off her list. You can tell she has no desire for you. Do you really want sex if it’s just a duty?

You may think that something is better than nothing here, and you’re trying to be grateful for any little affection she shows you.

Blaming, Bargaining, and Guilt

You secretly blame the kids you have had with her, they came along and took her tight body, her hormones, her time and attention, her unconditional love she was supposed to have for you forever, and now she is just tired. You love the kids, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

You secretly blame the Church for sexually repressing her desire. Maybe she feels visibly guilty after sex and dries up even more. Your clumsy attempts to “spice things up” only making things worse?

You see she’s busy, so you get the idea that if you do more around the house she’ll have more time and energy for you, and you’ll get the intimacy you need. You’re doing extra chores around the house trying to take the load off her after a long day of watching the kids.

You’re disappointed when she would rather sit in bed and scroll through Facebook than be with you. You’re frustrated that she didn’t even notice all you did to help her, and you’re bitter she doesn’t give you the attention you give her. After all, she knows what you want. How can she not?

You’re still frustrated and feel guilty when you’re having sexual thoughts about other women If your wife would just have sex with you, that struggle would be a lot easier. You’ve talked or tried to talk to her about your needs and desires. You do your best to negotiate something that works for her. Maybe she said she understood and would try, and maybe you had better sex for a week or two. But then you’re back to duty sex.

There is an extra layer of guilt layered on here as Saints. Let’s be brutal and say that sometimes the frustration and rejection is just too much, and maybe you look at a little bit of porn, take care of yourself, and then feel guilty about it for weeks. You know it’s not right, but if she’d just have sex, or really if she would just desire you, you wouldn’t turn to porn or other fantasies.

You might find yourself reflecting on what attracts you to pornography and realize that yes, it’s the sex and the beautiful women but it’s also the desire. It’s that validation feeling of a man being enthusiastically desired by a woman. It doesn’t matter that she’s on the other side of a screen, she has desire and it’s aimed at you. Whether she’s just acting or not, it’s way more than your wife does.

Maybe you even repeatedly go to your bishop and wonder why you can’t break the addiction. Why does porn keep pulling you back?

Does the cycle sound familiar?

You really aren’t allowed any vices. Except food. So you’ve put on a few or a bunch of pounds of fat after a few years of this. Who cares anyway? Who do you need to attract? You got married already and she’s not sleeping with you anyway.

Lack of Respect

Furthermore, she doesn’t respect you. She tells you what to do and because “no authority should be exercised by virtue of the priesthood” you do your best to downplay that whole patriarchal bit.

You don’t want to exercise unrighteous dominion, so you back off and defer to her opinions on just about everything. You want her to be happy so you put her on a pedestal and do everything you can to make her happy, all the while secretly hoping that if you make her happy, she’ll make you happy (sexually).

You walk on eggshells around her because if you make her upset you’ll feel guilty and you for sure won’t get any sex. She plans all the activities, spends 99% of the money and dictates your schedule around the kids’ activities.

So you find yourself feeling like a bank account for your family. Your wife and children don’t respect you and the sacrifices you make. You are a comic relief sitcom dad. They don’t respect what you do in your church service, your job or in your life.

You stop hanging out with most of your friends. You don’t really have any hobbies aside from the odd game of golf that your wife lets you play. You always get permission from her to take time away from home to do things you want. You’re lonely. You find yourself headed to 40 years old, (maybe 40 is in the rearview mirror) you are depressed and wondering: Is this God’s plan for me?

I’m here to tell you that it’s not.

Rewarded for Being a Nice Guy

Perhaps you grew up in the Church. Maybe you’re a convert. That really doesn’t matter. In any case you’ve been told that if you do the right things and live the right way that you’ll be blessed for your efforts. If you’re nice enough, and serve enough, and endure to the end, you’ll get your reward. And the reward is awesome. You get your wife and family in this life, then you get to be exalted, become like God, and have eternal increase with your wife forever. So, super cool resurrected God-sex making spirit babies for eternity. Sounds pretty good.

In many ways this is right, but in one fundamental way it gets twisted into what is essentially one of the worst lies ever told. As we know, that’s Satan’s favorite tactic: take a truth and twist it a little. No amount of good works on your part (or grace of God) can overcome the free will of another person.

Let me repeat that. God will not undermine the free will of another person to prevent you from getting hurt.

Free will is the essence of this life. It is the reason there is so much joy in this world, and so much suffering. God allows all the atrocities we know of happen because he gave us free will.

More importantly, free will is what you and I stood shoulder-to-shoulder to fight for in the great war in heaven. The moment you chose a side in that war was the moment you accepted every struggle, every joy, every pleasure and every ounce of pain in your life. What if I told you that you chose this fight?

Whose Fault Is It?

What if I told you that one person is responsible for all of this: the lack of sex and respect, the loneliness, unmet expectations, and sadness? It’s you. Yes, you. Look in the mirror. No, take your shirt off and look in the mirror. Now honestly ask yourself, would you want to have sex with you? If not, you have some low-hanging fruit and improvements you can make quickly and easily. The deeper and more important changes happen on the inside.

What Do I Do?

You fix yourself. I’ll tell you the secret of why your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you. You’re not attractive. And you don’t fix yourself just to be attractive to her, you fix yourself because that’s the man you want to be.

In the (paraphrased) words of Rian Stone – you came here for sex, but left with self-actualization. The best bait and switch in history.

This only works if you do it for yourself. If you want to fix yourself, there’s hope. But it’s going to suck, it’s going to be hard, and it’s going to require you to give your best.

Just like Neo in the Matrix, you are at a decision point in your life. Take the blue pill and keep doing what you’re doing with that gnawing emptiness inside you, or take the red pill and discover the truth and what you need to do.

“And now that my soul might have joy in you... arise from the dust, my sons, and be men.”

If you’ll listen and fix yourself, you’ll learn or re-learn to be a man (not just a male).

Redpill is Amoral

All that said, if you’ve done ANY browsing here you might have been turned off by the swearing, (J. Golden Kimball has nothing on me) the talk of cheating or “spinning plates” and the general worldly attitude.

The science behind the redpill and understanding of female hypergamy and human sexual dynamics has its roots in the pickup artist community.

Doesn’t change that fact that it works.

Guys here came from all walks of life. They do not share your morals. Some will be purposefully grating to test your resolve and toughen you up in a locker-room environment. I implore you to look past all of that for now and into the motives behind the message.

You have chosen a moral path that raises this stuff from hard mode to original Nintendo-hard. Good for you. Now get into the gym, lift weights, read the materials on the sidebar and start owning your shit.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill.

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Post Information
Title A note for the Latter-Day Saints, Mormons, and frankly anyone from a traditional Christian background...
Author alphasixfour
Upvotes 145
Comments 112
Date December 4, 2018 11:28 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
Archive Link
Original Link
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