A Simple Trick For Damaging Self-Talk

August 17, 2018
78 upvotes

Although most of us come here focused on getting something from someone else...

(i.e., sex from wife)

...I'd wager that most of us end up finding out our work is primarily internal.

Even if we're fighting with our wife and it's driving us mad, it's really our own reactions that are difficult to master.

Even if we're struggling with a Dead Bedroom, it's our own inability to leave - to risk loneliness in search of something better - that's the root of our issues.

One of the most common of these internal obstacles is negative self-talk.

It's quite easy to internalize the critical voices of parents, teachers, and even spouses...to hear their put-downs and vitriol in our minds before anything is ever spoken out loud.

When many of us stumble upon MRP, that inner critic is given a whole bunch of ammunition with which to demean us.

"She won't fuck you because you're fat"

"They don't respect you because you're weak"

"Be more alpha; what the fuck is wrong with you"

Our inner critic simply changes form...same old shit, same old insecurity, just now it calls us "faggot" and knows the word hypergamy.

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MRP - and as an extension, owning your shit - are predicated on brutal realism. See reality for what it is, accept no half-truths.

The inner critic is not reality, however. It is overly negative, as unrealistic as any pie-in-the-sky pollyanna.

While owning your shit, and accepting things as they are, is the foundation of self-improvement, negative self-talk only breaks you down...it never builds you up.

It's this sense of helplessness, hopelessness, and impotent rage that fuel so many "anger phases." We may be upset about our situations, but we're just as angry at ourselves...unable to forgive ourselves for things we didn't know, weren't taught, couldn't do.

Somehow, we feel we should have known all this shit already...how could we be so stupid?

We go from letting others cut us down to just doing it for them.

We may even manage to convince ourselves it's for our own good. Time to get tough, pussy. Time to MAN UP.

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It never really works that way, though.

That inner critic? It never goes away.

No matter how ripped, how "alpha," how confident you get...there will always be part of you that thinks it isn't enough.

Sometimes, you can use that inner sense of disgust to propel you forward....to get you to the gym, to get you out of your room, to take that next big step.

Most of the time, though? That inner voice convinces you it's hopeless. It isn't a risk-taker; for all it's talk, it isn't the thing that's going to get you off your ass.

Remember back to the last time someone really motivated you; when someone pushed you past what you thought was possible...whether that was a coach, a teacher, a boss, or a friend.

Chances are, they didn't spend all their time telling you what a giant piece of shit you were.

It's only by shutting down that voice of self-doubt and self-pity that we find the strength to try new things, to push through adversity, to push past our comfort zones. You can't make a pass at your wife if you're telling yourself you're doomed to failure, and you can't flirt with that girl at the bar if you're busy convincing yourself she'd never give you the time of day.

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The Trick

If, like me, you find your inner critic to be relentless...to fuel the worst parts of your personality (the need for validation, the vindictiveness, the sad-sack helplessness)...

Then feel free to borrow this simple trick:

Whenever you become aware of your inner critic laying into you - whenever you overhear your own negative self-talk?

Imagine that voice as the voice of Donald Duck.

Whatever it's saying to you, let it go - but hear it in Donald Duck's voice. (Elmer Fudd works as well)

Somehow, re-framing the voice as outside of yourself - and as objectively dumb-sounding - takes away much of it's power.

At that point, you can think more clearly about the kind of shit you want running through your brain. After all, "states become traits," and the more we re-focus our mind on the positive, the more we can enjoy ourselves on our journeys to better lives, better sex, and better marriages.

Hope this was helpful.

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