~ archived since 2018 ~


September 15, 2017

Hey all,

I wrote this for myself earlier today. I’m working through some issues with my wife now, and I need to constantly re-center myself, remind myself what my frame is.

I realized that the more wrapped up I become in what I could lose - my wife, my source of love and affection, my financial security - the more I lapse into her frame.

The more centered I become in my own agency in the world - the more I focus on what will not change, and what’s possible - the stronger my frame becomes.

I’m always working on internalizing these things, and I thought some people might get value from it.


I passed by a construction site on my way to work this morning.

I noticed a man walking - helmet, big toolbelt, thick boots, cigar - almost the stereotypical “gruff construction guy.” He was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt with huge words printed on it:


My initial reaction was to roll my eyes, but I kept thinking about him.

To me, it seems clear money shouldn’t be anyone’s primary goal in life. It isn’t correlated with happiness, and I find it hard to believe that anyone would willingly opt for a future filled with monetary wealth if it, for example, meant living alone and miserable forever.

So why did this guy seemingly feel the other way?

If I had my guess, it’s because he didn’t have much money - either now, or while he was growing up. He felt that absence - it was a powerful force in his life. There isn’t enough. You need to get more.

No abundance.

Now, I didn’t grow up rich, but I know enough now to realize that our family was better off than most. We had a nice house in a quiet town, enough food, enough clothes, took a simple vacation every year. It all seemed normal at the time, but that probably puts us in the top 1% of the world in terms of income.

The absence of money wasn’t an issue. Sure, I’d be told I couldn’t have something or other - couldn’t get my own car, couldn’t get those shoes, couldn’t insert stupid thing a kid wants - but we never lacked. There’s a difference.

And because I never felt the scarcity of money, I internalized the fact that money would always be available. Even when I grew up, and knew for a fact that money was not always available, I never doubted I’d be able to make more if I needed it.

Things we haven’t directly experienced are much less vivid in our mind’s eye. I’d never felt hopelessness, or the crush of true poverty - the direct knowledge that I needed more than I had and wouldn’t be able to make it up.

To me, money wasn’t - and isn’t - a big deal. I need more, I make more. If I lose it all tomorrow, I’ll be hurt, depressed, frustrated - but I know I’ll rebuild. And so money has no hold over me.

For Construction Guy, there’s never enough money. He knows that. And so Construction Guy will do whatever he needs to do to get more, and money has a hold over him.

To turn this to MRP, what’s the root cause of so much of the suffering on here? Hell, what’s the root cause of MY suffering?

The dead bedrooms, the late-night fights, the lack of compassion and warmth, the feeling of being disrespected…

If you post in here, sooner or later you’ll be told: “Oneitis.” “No abundance.”

What the really means is that you’ve internalized the fact that there is not enough female affection in the world.

ONLY your wife can love you.

ONLY your wife will have sex with you.

ONLY your wife can show you compassion.

ONLY your wife can show you the respect you crave.

You’ve gone your whole life thinking female affection was hard to get, difficult to find, that you had to put in incredible effort, HERCULEAN efforts, to get even the slightest hint of it. Female affection, to you, is rare - the equivalent of digging a diamond out of the fucking earth with your bare hands.

When it happens, you hold on to it. You can’t lose it. You’ll do anything to keep it.

It’s just a fact of this life we all share that the harder you hold on to something, the more it slips away. You squeeze and squeeze your previous diamond until you reduce it to dust and it slips through your fingertips.

You do everything for your wife. You do anything for your wife. You abandon your friends, your interests, your passions, your mission. You stay at home, eat ice cream together, never leave her side, and get fat, complacent, weak, and boring.

And when the passion dries up, and the connection dries up, and the sex dries up, you panic - because you know there isn’t enough female affection in the world. You know that, the same way Construction Guy knows there isn’t enough money. And you do what all of us do: double down, try harder, plow ahead, all the while making everything worse.

So how do you stop?

If a lack of abundance - and the inner, felt reality of SCARCITY, is what’s at the root of our do we reverse it? How do we feel abundance if it’s never come easily?

There are two ways:

Lift, STFU, read the sidebar, practice game, connect with your passions. What does this do? It makes you more attractive. As you grow more attractive, you grow more confident. As you grow more confident, you grow more attractive….a virtuous cycle that changes your entire worldview, if you put in the work.

The reason everyone here says to “slow down” and not “go rambo” is because you need to internalize these changes for them to be real, for them to work...and you only do that by noticing how the world reacts to you. It isn’t that you use some cool new “trick” on your wife and she gets all hot and bothered; it’s those moments when you notice the looks in the street, when your boss respects you more, when you just feel more “yourself,” more comfortable in your own skin…

...Real evidence, in the real world. “Hey, this is working.” And your conception of who you are, and what you can expect, shifts.

I have only just started to feel this kind of abundance. And it only started when I noticed a few women make eye contact, look quickly down, and bite their lips. I thought, “ahhhhhh. OK. I get it.” I realized, for the first time, that female affection was abundant in the world, if I wanted to pursue it.

And suddenly, abundance is not an idea - it’s a fact. I knew it to be true. You can’t rush, or fake, that moment.

There’s another way you can feel abundance, and that’s through…

  1. Acknowledgement of the transience of all desires.

A bit woo-woo, maybe. But…

You have incredible inner strength within you. You are the recipient of millions of years of human evolution. The tools the universe has given you - your hands, your eyes, your brain, with it’s millions upon millions of neurons and inter-connected electrical signals - these are the tools of the adaptive species.

We’re not the strongest, nor are we the fastest. We don’t have claws or fangs. We didn’t get wings.

We got adaptibility. Put us in the desert - we form packs to run the big mammals to death.

Put us in the arctic - we learn to hunt through the ice using only a spear.

Put us in the forest - we learn to camouflage and set traps for creatures far more nimble than us.

Anywhere we go - we adapt. We survive. We THRIVE.

It is the same with you. You have the capacity, the inner strength, to survive despite any degradation, any attack, and loss. You have the power to not just survive but THRIVE despite anything the world throws at you.

I started reading about the holocaust recently, mostly because I was too much in my own head, wrapped up in my own problems. My wife was angry, refusing sex, not speaking to me...and it hurt. And I was upset.

And then I would turn the page and read about how prisoners at a concentration camp would need to carry huge metal blocks back and forth, using only a few wooden planks to hold them on their shoulders. How getting the right partner cold mean life or death - someone much taller than you would result in your end being heavier, and trudging through the snow for too long with a too heavy a weight would mean almost certain death.

But the author of that book (Primo Levy, Is This a Man) - he lived. And he thrived. He wrote books that impacted the world...that impacted me, many years later.

So if your wife won’t fuck you? You can handle it.

If you get divorced? You can handle it.

If you lose everything - everything - you can handle it.

Our hurts, and our suffering, is temporary. Our ability to adapt means that very few shitty situations are permanent.

And meanwhile - the world, this life, is infinitely beautiful.

That’s another kind of abundance - the kind that acknowledges that you don’t truly need anything beyond your basic subsistence. And while scarcity isn’t fun, or enjoyable, it also isn’t permanent.

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Post Information
Title Abundance
Author resolutions316
Upvotes 157
Comments 36
Date September 15, 2017 2:37 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
Archive Link
Original Link
Red Pill terms in post

[–]Alpha_Engineer9926 points27 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

My god, i saw the same construction worker with the same shirt yesterday. No fucking joke. Awesome post.

Look, my red pill journey began 3 years ago, abundance concept has helped me tremendously. I start off each morning now with "abundance is my natural state".. I repeat throughout the day. Newbies, Look up "abundance blocks" online and how to get rid of them, unfucking believable. I see and feel the world in a different way now.can literally tell if someone is living in abundance or scarcity just by talking to them.

I went from 35yrs of beta nice guy who got walked on his entire life, to a complete opposite. I beat depression about a year ago that i carried with me my ENTIRE life... By using these concepts. No medicine, no talking, no doctor . I learned it was called nostalgic depression. It had a name. Brutal. About to make a post on it.

Solid post dude. We don't have to have delusions of grandeur anymore, there's an actual recipe for it.. But it was hidden in plain site from us.. Rabbit hole goes deep.

[–]animalapemachine6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Please write more about the nostalgic depession

[–]wn361 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

+1 on nostalgic depression!

[–]donedreadpirateMRP APPROVED20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So much truth here. This is what frame is all about. You can exist as yourself, being sure, knowing you have unlimited options and potential. Thanks for sharing.

[–]phillysteak52720 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't normally comment but this was a really well written post, something i needed to read especially this morning. Thank you.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

scarcity mentality is not the absence of something. It is the fear that you will not be able to get that something, and that this inability will hurt.

Pain is weakness leaving the body

[–]Chump_No_MoreHard Core Nuclear Navy Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pain is weakness leaving the body

I've always like this one...

Maybe strong is just what you have left when you've used up all your weak...

[–]BobbyPeruMRP Approved8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Solid analogy

[–]Dino2274 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post man.

[–]Chinchilla_the_HunMarried4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pay attention Noobs...this is the fruit of meditation.

[–]Raspu1014 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Money doesn't give you happiness. But it gives you options. The options bring/ or should bring happiness/direction.

[–]amalgamator2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Money can't buy happiness, but it's a good place to start.

[–]wn362 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I have everything a normal American man could ask for at home. For me however, it's not enough. I...want....more. I travel a lot. Never in one place for more than 18 hours at a clip, not with the same coworkers, ever. It's quite lonely sometimes. What better way to fill that solitude than with the warm touch of a female?

When I'm home, I can have all that I want. Sex, food, rest, gym. It's all up to me. When I'm home, I'm home. Playing with kids, yard work, errands, etc. There's no time to frequent the bars or meet new people.

Abundance is the core of confidence. So what are you to do if you're never in one place long enough to make the connections that allow these women (and abundance) into your life?

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Change your life (in this case, your job) to benefit you. Is a career change worth that to you? Only you know. Before doing that though, consider your successful sexual strategy with your wife could also have something to do with your absence.

[–]wn360 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm extremely happy in my career. It's a pinnacle job and one that will propel me into the future. Changing is not an option, because I don't want to.

My absence has helped with my sex life at home but more so because I'm lifting, STFU and doing all the RP tenents.

I'm looking to fill the space in all those hours of solitude. I have no problem opening women but there isn't enough time to create comfort when that happens, or at least it's rare. Time is so limited, that when a connection is felt, the lack of abundance looks like desperation, imo.

[–]resolutions316!!CAUTION!! Runaway bus potentially ahead[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Do you have any intellectual interests? Creative or artistic pursuits?

Being OK all by yourself is one of the hardest things to do.

[–]wn361 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I read alot and workout every other day, but nothing motivates me like new pussy!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post. I appreciate your perspective, especially in regards to the evolutionary aspect. That's something that I have been utilizing in the gym and trying to bleed it over into everyday life. Our ancestors were strong, alpha warriors and survivors. If they weren't, we wouldn't exist. Who the fuck am I to get butthurt over my wife not giving me sex? Who am I to skip DL day because I have some sand in my vag and dont "feel like it" today? We owe it to those that came before to live lives of abundance and leadership... or die trying.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good post ... thanks

[–]HoveyC1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So much truth in this post. Been following your story, documenting your struggles has helped others, so thanks for that.

[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This post has had a profound effect on me - it got me re-reading illimitable men's blog on scarecity and its prevelance through working class through upper class cultures.

[–]BarracudaRPMRP APPROVED / Dreadful '191 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I'd be interested in that, do you have a link?

[–]470_2_700_nm-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Google it.

[–]Chump_No_MoreHard Core Nuclear Navy Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Excellent post!

This is exactly why OYS is so highly stressed.

OYS => Success => Confidence => Abundance => Frame => Mental Point of Origin => World Is Your Bitch!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Absoulety wonderful write up. Our society allows(even encourages) us to so easily fall into a position of scarcity as men.

It seems almost laughable that we must struggle to remain aware of the abundance in our world.

Thank you for putting your thoughts down and helping me to get my head straight today.

[–]jim_t81 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post. So many guys are so wrapped up in their anger, and can't get past it. I recently decided not to be angry about everything, and it has changed my life. I emptied my give a fuck bucket so crap just rolls on by. Most shit is just so trivial if you look at it with a wide perspective. No Nazi death camp for me, so life is good. Sounds like you are past your anger as well and moving forward and living life with the big picture in mind.

[–]Red_Kryptonite881 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for your post, I needed that.

[–]sh0ckley1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Holy shit you've come a long way. I remember your posts from the beginning. Good stuff man.

[–]resolutions316!!CAUTION!! Runaway bus potentially ahead[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well, I wouldn't say I'm a perfect exemplar of this attitude by any means. But I'm certainly better off than I was.

Someone told me that all that matters is relative change - are you further along today than you were yesterday. That's been a really helpful insight.

[–]sh0ckley1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

all that matters is relative change -

So true.

If I had stayed worried about "catching up" or making up for lost time, then I would never have started. Those are just excuses to stay a pussy.

[–]TheIronMoose0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for this, I needed it.

[–]bowhunter60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great post, brother. All true.

[–]HobbesTheBrave0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

We got adaptibility. Put us in the desert - we form packs to run the big mammals to death.

Put us in the arctic - we learn to hunt through the ice using only a spear.

Put us in the forest - we learn to camouflage and set traps for creatures far more nimble than us.

Anywhere we go - we adapt. We survive. We THRIVE.

Other animals got freakishly large claws, other's got large teeth. We got brains, and we systemize and theorize everything. Okay, maybe it's my autism doing the talking, but that's how we adapted everywhere.

[–]makethemflaunt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This post is a shining example of why I routine /r/marriedredpill. Qualities that really stood out were the absence of anger and reactivity, and the emphasis on identifying and reinforcing deeply optimistic, appreciative, rational and character-building lines of thought. Cheers.

[–]PersaeusMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would put your interpretation of the shirt as held by the wearer as one of the least likely frames for the man wearing it.

Most likely:

Money talks and bullshit walks

[–]gvntrGrinding0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Gratitude creates a sense of abundance.

Every morning, I write in the gratitude section of my journal.

What's there to be grateful for?

  1. my family is safe asleep in their beds.


start listing stuff and the list becomes extremely long

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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