As I have not given an intro or a field report, I will start with that, Skip to the bottom for the current issue that has thrown me a curve. Big wall of text incoming:
Just celebrated 16 years of marriage (we are both in our low 40s). I have a great wife and she is an awesome mother to our 2 children. No extreme issues teetering us on divorce. The only issue for me over the years has been not getting the amount of sex I have wanted. The worst years had 4 months between. The marital average I would say is once every 6-8 weeks. Now I discovered TRP and these forums a few months ago, and about a month and a half ago I started introducing it. I was getting pretty beta, and I really like how this has helped me seize my leadership role again.
What I have done: soft dread, stopped with the questions and instead gave statements and declarations. reduced affection by half (this was a hard one, because I love loving her - but still have not reached the advised ratio). Overall - quick success! Sex is now 1-3 times a week, and she is more affectionate. She follows my lead more and is asking the questions for guidance now. (still need to take back the finances - she is stubborn on that one).
In the bedroom, what was a breakthrough was to stop focusing on if she liked what I was doing, or if it felt good. (no more questions!) I also stopped asking her for sex, but instead have just been taking her. Now this has been great- however after 6 weeks of this, I thought I want to make sure she is getting off too. Now she does not have an O from PIV. (according to her, which I believe, she has never had one that way). It is only achievable by her button on the outside. So during this session last week, we (after my insistence) brought out her toy and gave her a glorious smile.
------ so here is the problem. During a little foreplay over the weekend (leading to the 3rd time in a week!) she said that she thinks the "O" has caused her muscles there to get too relaxed, and that she has peed herself a bit the following day. Ok - details: after birth of 2nd child she had to have a vaginal mesh surgically inserted to help hold her wall up, and also help her keep the ability to control the on /off urination reflex. (I am choosing poor words to describe this, so I hope you are getting it). Anyhow, this mesh has not worked great, sometimes it makes sex to painful in certain positions, and the like. We will be taking the action of discussing this with her Gyno in January.
So when she said this, it was part her frustration that 'here is another problem she has' and also to put it out there that right now she doesnt want an O. We then went forward and had some great sex.
However this revelation has thrown me. My wife has always had either no or very low libido. Only when she is really drunk does she ever come close to appearing horny. She enjoys connecting with me, and pleasing me - but Sex has never been something that has been a big deal to her.
Now I have been making sex a bigger priority in our life, and I have been enjoying that success. But I want her to enjoy it too. Now that giving her an 0 might be off the table (or only giving her one rarely) - I am struggling with continuing my red pill march (in the bedroom). I am focusing on me, but I dont want it to be just all about me. How can you have great sex if the partner CONSISTENTLY doesnt get off as well?
What would you guys advise? much ado about nothing? Am I just having an emotional beta moment? or in some ways is this a shit test? (I am thinking a comfort test)
TL;DR After going TRP, wife does not want orgasms because of possible medical condition. Do I continue just going caveman?