Alternative to Captain/FirstMate- Father knows bestA

January 25, 2015

u/phantomdream09/ wrote me a very good question about why I would subscribe to RP subs and disagree with the Captain/First Mate dynamic.

I have posted my response below in the hopes of generating a discussion of this frameworks benefits/flaws.

I should begin by pointing everyone to the Rollo Tomassi post MUTINY which casts doubt on CAPTAIN/FIRSTMATE in a way I could never communicate.

Here is my response to why I feel CAPT/FIRSTMATE is not the best model for a LTR:

First of all-- let me thank you for your alternative viewpoint.

It may be helpful for other men to see that the Captain/First Mate arrangement ISNT a CORE template for RP relationships despite the fact that YOU think it is so.

However-- If it is "working" for you--then by all means you should continue. We don't change what is working well...


Let me start by saying that first...your LTR or girlfriend, doesn’t want to be your “First Mate”. A strong male role (or CAPTAIN) is essential for the relationship to work. Assigning your SO the role of First Mate implies that YOU are assuring her that her voice will be heard, her input will be considered, because you love her so much.

You think you will be appreciated for "listening to her thoughts" and "including her"... You will not. This is left over Bluepill fantasy.

The Captain First Mate dynamic allows for "mutual frame". This is not a place for a LEADER as you have written about.

Women don’t want to be TOLD that they’re “being included”. This is joke to women who already know they have the blameless option of abandoning or jumping the ship. Its the Captain who goes down right? I highly suggest you read Rollo Tomassi's MUTINY piece where he explains FAR better than I could how flawed the Captain/First Mate dynamic can be.

One day I will post a note about the framework that I use.

Its with me being Daddy-the wife and children are beneath me. This is where my wife prefers to be. She would never overtly admit this (even to herself)

Women will respond much better to a firm, sometimes nice, sometimes asshole father figure than a self promoted captain looking for her input when she shares ZERO consequences for failure

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