“If you can't attract a woman, you are, by dictionary definition, sterile.” – Mystery
Ah, 2007. Pickup artistry was going strong, and many a young man heard about this mysterious method to “get beautiful women in bed”, as well as a Rolling Stone writer exposing the seedy underbelly of pickup culture.
Before I get started, fair warning – my review will not do justice to these books. These are classics of literature here (Shakespearean in a red pill way), and as potentially life changing as the sidebar depending on where you are in life. Second disclaimer, I have not been, nor do I claim to be a pickup artist. For those of you who are, well damn, post your stories below!
The Mystery Method was the very first book I had ever read from the pickup culture. That book, along with The Game was a gift to me by a friend back in 2007, and I quickly devoured those books. After that, I bought the Rules of the Game. Similar to the books on the sidebar here, it was massively life changing (and in a few years – I got married, so technically the “get beautiful women in bed” statement worked).
A recent comment recently inspired me to read these books again and looking at them through both an unplugged and married lens, there’s quite a few gems here – you can see the building blocks of MRP praxeology.
So without further ado, let’s get started:
The Mystery Method
The Mystery Method is a model. There are three stages of the M3 model: Attract, Comfort, and Seduce. Each of these three stages are broken down into three sub-stages.
A1 – Open: The man approaches a set, runs an opener, and immediately earns the set’s acceptance
A2 – Female to Male Interest: The man demonstrates higher value, while simultaneously showing lack of Interest in the target. She responds with Indicators of Interest.
A3 – Male to Female Interest: The man baits the woman to become more invested in the interaction, and then he rewards her with Indicators of Interest.
C1 – Conversation: The couple shares in friendly dialogue. A sense of comfort and rapport follows.
C2 – Connection: Both parties feel a vibe that “It is on!” Kissing occurs. This phase may last over the course of several dates.
C3 – Intimacy: Now at a seduction location, heavy making out ensues and the couple moves into the bedroom.
S1 – Foreplay: The couple begins the physical escalation toward sex. If this happens too soon, it can cause buyer’s remorse.
S2 – Last Minute Resistance: Last minute resistance is the point of no return before sex occurs. It’s often a freak out moment for the woman.
S3 – Sex: It is necessary to have sexual intercourse several times in order to ensure a sexual relationship.
Remember, the Mystery Method focuses on attraction first, not seduction. There are certain hardwired attraction switches in every woman's mind. Attraction is not a conscious choice that people make. Rather, it's a response that they feel automatically as a result of these switches being flipped.
Examples of DHVs (Demonstrator of Higher Value):
• Preselection from other women
• Appearing to be a leader of men
• Being supporter and protector of those you love
• Being non-needy
• Being unaffected
• Social intelligence
• Negging her
• Having a strong frame
• Having interesting knowledge
• Emotional stimulation
• Being socially "in demand"—other people are seeking your attention or validation (alternately they are paying attention to what you are saying)
• Connecting conversationally
MRP Note: You should be all of these things, and doing them as well. I would also add play with your wife, and not in the giggity way – that comes later. Always be having fun. Always be gaming. Also you must be maximizing your physical attractiveness. Lift. Work out. Exercise and eat right. That is also part of your game.
Examples of IOD’s (Indicators of Disinterest)
• Avoidance: She avoids eye contact. She avoids your calls. She avoids you in general.
• If she can pretend that she didn't hear what you just said, she will.
• She won't contribute to the conversation.
• She gets impatient easily.
• She walks away or looks away.
• She leans away, turns her back, or talks to someone else.
• She is nonresponsive, or she repetitively says "uh-huh" instead of giving you a real response.
• She won't move with you, even two feet away. She won't invest.
Here are the early words from Mystery on frame: “The frame is the underlying meaning. It's the context, the implication—the unspoken assumption in everything you say. If someone asks you, "Are the fish biting today?" then he is implying that you have been out fishing. He hasn't said so, but the listener will assume it is true—it's just part of the frame. The frame supplies meaning to the content. For example, if someone says, "Yeah, that guy got off," what is the meaning of that statement? Depending on the context, it could mean that the guy just got off of work, that he beat a rap at the courthouse and was set free, or that he had an orgasm—three completely different meanings.
"Frame" determines which of those meanings becomes accepted. He who controls the frame controls the communication itself. For this reason, when people interact with other people, they constantly play frame games. Through behavioral cues and subtleties in what they say, people convey their assumptions. If this conveyance is done with enough congruence, others will accept the frame as reality without thinking twice about it. If your frame is strong enough, you can get away with anything.”
MRP Note: Frame is all. Whose frame are you in? Yours or hers? Think of the first Iron Rule of Tomassi – “Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of who’s frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are.” Rian_Stone mentioned in his recent 21 Convention speech the following: “What is frame? Frame is your 30 second elevator pitch for your life. It’s your reality. It’s not power; though establishing frame can be you exercising the use of power. You are always in someone’s frame. If it’s not your frame, it’s someone else’s frame. It’s the narrative of your interaction with the world.” BPP has mentioned that frame is Dread level 1. You need to change and build your frame, and stop being in your wives frame.
Resources for frame are in the References section.
“If she is standing there talking to you, just continue escalating. Always assume that it's on. This is also the best way to improve your calibration. Once your dynamic calibration is accurate, all of your escalations will happen smoothly, which is the long-term goal in building your skill set.”
Some forms of kino include:
• Arm in arm
• Hands touching
• Embracing from behind
• Kissing lips
• Kissing or nibbling on neck
• Hand on knee
• Sitting on lap
• Arm around waist
• Touching face
• Smelling or pulling hair
• Hand on ass
Don't be tentative and wimpy about touching—be natural and confident. Touching (guys and girls) is one way that alpha males like you demonstrate their dominance.
MRP Note: You should be doing these to your wife normally and naturally. If you’re not, then start doing it. If you are, then continue to do it. BPP mentions in his podcasts (in the sidebar, people) around YouTube being an excellent resource for kino – take some time and do a review. Also, you’ll have to find the right amount of kino, not too much, not too little. Calibrate what you are doing.
Having Solid Game
• Are you a healthy, ambitious, socially comfortable person?
• Do you convey a lack of neediness at all times?
• Have you otherwise demonstrated value via preselection, the leader-of-men switch (social intelligence and social proof), emotional stimulation, frame control, and so on?
• Has she chased and otherwise invested in the interaction?
• Have you been compliance testing? Do you have kino escalation and compliance?
• Does she feel that she has earned your interest? (Have you demonstrated your "growing pair bond" for her, using qualifiers and other IOIs?)
• Have you built comfort and trust, and a sense of connection, over seven hours and several venue changes? Did you use the jealousy plotline so she is sure she wants you?
MRP Note: Look at all of these classic things that you were and were doing when you were dating your wife before you were married. Time to bring this back to basics – if you need to have one thing, let it be Game - https://therationalmale.com/2012/02/23/looks-count/
“If last-minute resistance seems insurmountable, do a freeze-out: Turn on the light, snuff out the candle, check your e-mail, head to the kitchen to make a sandwich, or pull out a checkerboard and challenge her to a game. The power of this is in its sincere delivery. If you were sulking or angry, that would show that you were affected. Just act as if your arousal circuitry has simply been shut off.”
MRP Note: What Mystery is talking about is Outcome Independence. You are independent of the outcome. This is a reminder to be sincere about your outcomes, and to not be butthurt.
You can't do a freeze-out unless she wants your attention in the first place. A takeaway done on someone who cares less isn't a takeaway at all. It only works when you are of value to her. When she says or does something negative, then remove your attention to make her feel lonely. She feels bad and knows she would prefer talking to you. That's why a freeze-out works.
MRP Note: You have to be high SMV in order to be able to do this in the first place. Look at yourself in the mirror. Would you screw you? Now think about what you have to do in order to get higher on the SMV scale.
MRP Summary: I highly recommend reading (and for many of you rereading) the Mystery Method to get an understanding of some of the building blocks of attraction as well as MRP praxeology. A good read for the single, divorced, and married man. Remember, this is a tool in your toolbox.
Don’t hate the player… Hate the game - Neil Strauss, The Game
Practically The Game is short on tips, but it is long on substance and story, and is a fascinating look into the pickup culture that was going on. If you have not read it, I would definitely recommend purchasing this one.
Here are a few quotes from the book:
“After all, it had only been a month since my workshop with Mystery. I still had a long way to go. It was time for a motherfucking change.”
"The number one characteristic of an alpha male is the smile," he said, beaming an artificial beam. "Smile when you enter a room. As soon as you walk in a club, the game is on. And by smiling, you look like you're together, you're fun, and you're somebody."
"Look at you. You're wearing glasses because your vision sucks. You have a hat on to cover a huge bald spot. You're ghostly white. And you look like you haven't seen the inside of a gym since grade school. You're doing well because you're smart and you're a fast learner. But looks count too. You're Style, so start being Style. Just snap: shave your head, get Lasik, join a gym."
I also found his credits to be highly amusing:
“Thanks to Britney Spears, who also got married. Twice. And to Tom Cruise, who recently announced his engagement and wasn't afraid to proclaim his love from the rooftops. Every time I have to make a tough decision, I ask myself: "What would Tom Cruise do?" Then I jump up and down on the couch.
Take some time and enjoy the read – it has a lot of classic stuff in it. And now you know how to make tough decisions like Tom Cruise (man, that was a while ago… but still funny).
Rules of the Game
The goal of this book was for the reader to get a date within 30 days. Through a series of 30 missions/challenges, the reader should have changed himself and approached enough women to have a date.
From a married perspective – you guys should be old pros at this! I mean, come on… this is Married Red Pill, after all. And yet even more so than The Mystery Method, there are so many good reminders and tips here that it is worth a read and review. Perhaps you have become complacent in your marriage, or you never really had the next level to your Game – regardless, take some time to go through this and remind yourself on Game.
Looking at the sections below, these are the areas that I believe would be most impactful for the married man. Feel free to read the book and comment below.
Day 1 – Mission 1 – Evaluate Yourself
As discussed in this post - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/77mf7f/purpose_the_rules_of_the_gameway_of_the_superior/ - you need to evaluate yourself and where you stand.
Fitness programs require you to weigh in on the first day. Financial plans ask for a list of your assets and debts. So to revamp your social life, you'll need to make a social assessment of yourself.
Your first mission is to write answers to the following questions. Don't worry about what anyone else will think of your answers. Your goal is to be as honest with yourself as possible.
Write one or two sentences describing how you believe other people currently perceive you.
Write one or two sentences describing how you'd like to be perceived by others.
List three of your behaviors or characteristics you would like to change.
List three new behaviors or characteristics you would like to adopt.
Day 2 – Mission 1 – Set Your Goals
What is your personal mission? (fill out the following statement)
I will become (MY ROLE, maximum four words) who will (MY CLAIM TO FAME, maximum four words) within (NUMBER) days/weeks/years.
Day 3 – Briefing - Vocal Training
Here we learn about the basics – breath and posture. Breathing deeply (but not too deeply) allows you to give full power to your words. Having bad posture prevents you from breathing correctly. He mentions imagining a string pulling to the top of your head – but be relaxed about it. He also discusses the issues with speaking with a low voice, speaking too quickly, brain farts, monotone voice, and statements that sound like a question (hint, you need to end your statements conclusively). I was in a public speaking class earlier this year, and one of the things that people tend to do is say the word “um” when they are nervous and presenting. Slow down. Gather your thoughts. Relax and focus. Don’t say the word “um”.
Take a look at Private Man’s page (may he rest in peace) on voice - https://archive.fo/1TtEB - for some more details on this.
Day 4 – Mission 1 - Hit the Showers
For this mission, the key takeways are to be well groomed – shower, shampoo, and soap (similar to the 3 R’s of the manosphere, or the 3 M’s of cocktails). Smell good – mouthwash, cologne, etc. Shave your face clean (minus the beard – we don’t touch the beard at MRP). Clean the hairs around your ears, nostrils, and the back of your neck. Once you’re done – suit up (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TT_vf5ioXXk ) , look in the mirror, and remind yourself how awesome you are.
Day 4 – Mission 3 – Stand Up Straight
“Before you even open your mouth, a woman has formed an initial impression of you. And that impression is based largely on your body language.”
Men, this is very important. Game STARTS before you even open your mouth.
One of the key areas is posture.
This mission has you standing with your back against a wall. Make sure your heels, butt, and shoulders are touching the wall. Additionally, the back of your head just above the level of your chin should be against the wall as well.
Stay here for one minute. Reach behind your back and check to make sure there isn't too much space between your lower back and the wall. If there is, tighten your abdomen to bring the small of your hack closer to the wall.
Now move away from the wall, and walk around the room for a minute without changing your posture, Commit the position and alignment of your body to memory.
Repeat this at least once a day.
There is also a post on the sidebar about this - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3qkonn/lets_talk_body_language/
Day 5 – Mission 2 – Make a Change
Style says – “The first step to better looks is better grooming. The second is committing to the right style.
Go to the clothing store—preferably when it's least likely to be crowded—and speak to the saleswoman who seems the most helpful. Tell her you want to change your style, and ask her to put together a complete outfit for you. If she wants you to be more specific, tell her you're going to a high-profile fashion show, art opening, movie premiere, trendy club, or whatever imaginary event best suits the new you.”
Make a change in your outfits. Now realistically, I’m speaking to a more mature audience here – we all have clothes at this point in time in our lives (if not, time to up your career game).
But let me ask you this – how many of you have wives who pick out their outfits for them? Yeah, I’m looking at you, Mr. Fixer Upper. Are you in your wife’s frame again? Yeah, I thought so. Go and make a change in your outfits. You do it, not your wife.
It’s like it’s on the sidebar - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/45yz3l/60_dod_week_4_style/
Day 5 – Grooming Checklist
Here are items that you should consider when you are grooming yourself:
Change your hairstyle; Ditch the glasses; Get tan; Get a manicure and pedicure; Remove excess hair; Examine yourself closely in a mirror; Manage your eyebrows; Whiten your teeth; Freshen your breath; Get free dermatology advice (department store beautician); Accessorize; Join a Gym (MRP Note: LIFT); Eat healthier; and Make sure your clothes fit.
The only thing I would mention here is the tanning and the risks of skin cancer. Get some sun, but don’t be stupid about it.
It’s like it’s on the sidebar… again - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/44liif/60_dod_week_3_hygiene/
Day 6 – Mission 3 – The 8 Hour Rule
This is a mere sentence where Style states that you need to get 8 hours of sleep for the following day’s mission, and yet sleep itself is an underrated part of everyone’s MAP. Yes, pussies sleep, while Men wish for sleep. And of course, Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep – he waits. But in all seriousness, sleep has so much regenerative help on everything that it should be a key part of your MAP. Sleep helps reduce cortisol, the stress hormone, along with affecting testosterone production. And if you snore for many years, you’re at risk to get Alzheimer’s when you are older (since not enough oxygen is getting to your brain for years). Consider getting your recommended amount of sleep – it has effects on your attitude, and thus your game.
Day 6 – Abolish Approach Anxiety. The limiting mind and the freedom mind
There is a great discussion here on the limiting mind, the freedom mind, and how you have to identify your limiting mind and awaken your freedom mind. “Most fears and limits we have are the result not of nature but of nurture. We place limits on ourselves as the result of negative experiences from our childhood and the influence of authority figures.”
“The first step on most roads to recovery is acceptance—admitting that there's a problem. The second step in overcoming the source of our anxiety is to bring it out of unconscious darkness and into the light of our conscious awareness. Only then can we begin to dismantle it, see how it works, and create procedures to nullify it.” This section talks about positive scripts to give to your mind frequently to overcome, preserver, and succeed. Additionally, there are several good points around ‘letting go of outcomes’ – think about what it would be like if you were in a sexless marriage, you’re starting to turn yourself around, and you’ve heard of this funky thing called ‘Outcome Independence’ – you have to let go of the outcomes.
Style also mentions how important it is to remove failure from your vocabulary. He mentions a famous Michael Jordan quote – “I've missed more than nine thousand shots in my career. I've lost almost three hundred games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
Honestly, you have to have a spine as well - https://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2015/02/15/the-sexiest-part-of-a-mans-body/
Day 7 – A Field Guide to Openers
There is a quote here mentioned again that is worth repeating due to its importance - “The game begins before you open your mouth.”
In this mission, Style mentions Chris Rock, and his routine where anything that a man says to a woman translates as “How about some dick?” If you barrage a woman with generic questions, what she hears is “How about some dick?” Offer to buy her a drink, she hears “How about some dick?” Introduce yourself, comment on her necklace, ask for the time, “How about some dick?”
Now consider this from a married game perspective. Yes, you should game your wife. Can you go overboard? Absolutely. Do not let everything that comes out of your mouth translate as “How about some dick?” You have to mix it up – balancing sexual and non-sexual fun.
Don’t be like this: “How was your day?” “Ok. Yours?” “Ok.”. Also, don’t be like this: “Want some dick? Dick? How about some dick?” For a vast majority of us, that’s not going to work.
Day 9 – Briefing – The Fourteen Laws of Learning
These fourteen laws are mentioned:
• Acquire and apply knowledge in small chunks
• There is no such thing as rejection, only feedback
• It’s never her fault
• Learn actively rather than passively
• Don’t rehearse negative outcomes
• Understand how your mind learns
• Be willing to go through the pain period
• Don’t look to friends or family for approval
• Be willing to test new ideas, even if they don’t seem logical
• Once something works, figure out how and why it works
• If you don’t know what to do, don’t leave
• Hang around someone better than yourself
• Make sure your ratio of efforts to results is increasing
• Finish what you begin
This is like a guide to your MAP, and can apply to everything, not just game. Take some time and really look at these, and see how they reflect in your MAP. “It’s never her fault” – No, of course not – it’s your fault! “There is no such thing as rejection, only feedback” – Damn, are you butthurt again? FEEDBACK! This is a very deep section (yet simple), so take some time to really think about these items and how they affect both your game and your MAP.
Day 10 – Briefing – The Power of Disqualification
“One of the quickest and most playful ways to accomplish this is through disqualification. To disqualify a woman, demonstrate early in an interaction that you're not interested in her. Exert though you may he chasing her, disqualification turns the tables and makes her want to chase you. For example, telling a woman with blonde hair that for some reason you've only dated brunettes disqualifies her as a potential girlfriend.”
Now since you’re married, disqualifying someone is a bit different than dating – telling your wife that you only dated brunettes before isn’t going to get you that far. Style mentions though that they are the bedrock of flirting. They’re supposed to be playful. A disqualifier should never be hostile, critical, judgmental, or condescending.
MRP Example: Your wife is getting ready for your date night (fool, every night is date night, hard mode remember), and she asks you teasingly “I think this skirt is too short, what do you think?” Your response should be “You’re right, way too short – WAAAAY too short” while leering at her.
It’s easy – flirt with your wife. Game her!
Some examples include:
• Saving her from you
• Giving yourself a monetary value
• Go over the top
• Reversing the roles
• Employ her
• Be the snob
• Be the authority figure
• Challenge her
And so forth…
Day 13 – Mission 3 – Borrow some Culture
Style suggests picking up a copy of a local events guide – this can be a free weekly newspaper, a magazine-style going out guide, a daily paper, or even a local Zagat guide to restaurants.
Read up, become interesting again. There’s also a recommendation to read a Cosmopolitan magazine in the following mission – just don’t – you are not desperate. You have NOT sunk that low. I don’t care how low you think you are, you’re not there.
Midpoint Coaching Session
“What you get out of something is equal to what you put into it.” – Neil Strauss, The Game
He mentions this quote, and it doesn’t just apply to game, it applies to life. Every single thing that I have done that was worthwhile I worked hard at, and I truly got more out of it the more I put into it. Work, career, graduate school, sex… the list goes on.
THE SAME THING GOES FOR GAME! What he is saying here is that you need to spend time learning how to game – what you get out of it is the same as what you put into it. The same thing also goes for your work here at MRP.
Day 16 – Mission 1 – The Missing Link
This has a fascinating section about the missing link:
“The guy who fails at the game is the one who goes out looking for women to make him feel good about himself. The guy who succeeds at the game is the one who goes out and makes other people feel good about themselves.”
I remember a long time ago reading an article about a woman meeting up with a pickup artist – and afterward, she made the same comment. The pickup artist didn’t do slimy tricks, he just made other people feel good about themselves.
Think about that missing link and how it applies to your wives. I would even add there there’s something more to it than that. The guy who succeeds at the game first knows himself and has built himself up into a confident, positive, masculine Man. THEN as they game, they make their wife feel good about themselves.
Day 21 Briefing – Worksheet
There is an excellent section on the anatomy of attraction - Open, Demonstrate Value, Create an Emotional Connection, Structure a Call to Action, and Make a Physical Connection. This is back to basics 101 here. Open – Meet up with your wife. Demonstrate Value – Show her how valuable you are (you do lift, don’t you). Create an Emotional Connection – Show her how you two are bonded, do something fun, give her the feelz! (http://archive.is/rZ7DN ). Structure a Call to Action – Give her an incentive to sleep with you. Arouse her with your touch or talk. Make a Physical Connection – Avoid mistakes that will cause her to change her mind (aka beta behavior, validation seeking, submissive “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” behavior), and don’t make her feel used or any other negative autopilot response.
Day 22 – Mission 2 – Constructive Reframing
This mission is about reframing something negative into something positive. “When you hear a friend, colleague, or stranger complain or say something negative, try to reframe it into something positive. For example, if a friend says that he's incompetent at something, tell him that he just likes to do things perfectly. If someone says, “My girlfriend is driving me crazy”, respond, “Why do you think she nags? It’s only because she cares. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t nag.”
This is an excellent mission on seeing the positive. Are you still butthurt? Are you lost in the anger phase? Try reframing one item per day – call it frame practice if you must.
Even more interestingly, try it on your wife! Be unfailingly positive!
Day 22 – Mission 3 – Flirtatious Reframing
This mission is a choice – you can either choose to reframe an accident into an intention (example: if you are in a bar, and someone bumps into you, you jokingly say “Did you just grope me? You know, I’m not that easy – I require dinner and a movie first.”), or you can reframe kindness into self-interest (example: go to a store and ask for advice on a good CD to play. When they suggest a CD, teasingly accuse her of being paid to say it. "You really think I should get that CD? He you're not getting a kickback from the record label, are you?”
When applied to the married lens, this mission is fairly easy. Just have your wife bump into you and tease her unmercifully. Or if she says “Wow, you changed the sheets”, you say “Yep, I did that on purpose – we’re going to get them dirty tonight” with a smirk.
Gaming your wife should be easy.
Day 22 – Briefing – Changing The Frame
This briefing focuses on four specific reframing techniques (from Slight of Mouth by Robert Dilts): Changing Frame Size, Context Reframing, Content Reframing, and Reframing Critics and Criticism. I highly recommend reading this section as it complements other articles on frame.
Style does mention that the more you learn about frames, the more flexibility, fun, and success you’ll have in your social AND professional life, and to keep in mind the following three things:
Always keep a strong frame. Have her meet you in your reality.
Reframing is the key to both persuasion and flirtation. “It gives you control of a conversation, with the ability to redirect it somewhere humorous, positive, exciting, or, at the right time, sexual. Practice it as much as you can, and not only will you become more successful with women, you'll become a more talented speaker and better-rounded thinker as well.”
Use these techniques in moderation, and don’t become obsessed with controlling the frame in every interaction all the time. Sometimes surrender can be victory.
That last point is very important. You can hear FRAME FRAME FRAME so many times that you become obsessed with it. Moderate and calibrate your use of controlling the frame.