BP friend found out his wife cheated on him. Classic example of branch-swinging. What advice would you give?

April 17, 2015

A Blue Pill friend of mine (who I have mentioned in previous posts of needing advice) told me he found out that his wife had cheated on him.

He read on her phone a group chat between her and her girlfriends discussing an upcoming divorce where a husband cheated. One of the friend's mentioned my buddy's wife saying" Well when you cheated on your husband (my buddy), it was understandable." And my buddy's wife responded with something like "Well I wasnt going to leave (my buddy) and ruin my daughter's life for a guy who would give me even less!"

Two big things stood out for me here:

  • branch-swinging mentality often discussed in this subreddit. She stayed because the new guy wasnt a better option.

  • the never-ending hamstering to justify actions. The conversation was tearing some guy in a divorce a part for cheating, and within sentences they justify their own behavior.

So my friend is wanting advice on what to do. He was able to determine that her cheating on him (which appears to have ended) happened likely a year ago when they were in their roughest patch. His concern is that things are going (according to him) so much better now. He found out about this while they were on a vacation, and they just had sex for the first time in months. He says she seems really invested into their relationship again, and wants to plan vacations and date night for them regularly now.

So he is not sure if he should confront her about this - or even tell her that he knows.

My advice thus far:

  • Do not say a thing until you have investigated all the details and have gotten your finances in order.

  • Hire a PI to dig into how she did this, and find out if she is still putting herself out there

  • think long and hard about what YOU want, regardless of how she will say in response to this.

  • think about your 13 year old daughter (their only one) and what she is taught if you stay with a lying, cheating partner.

  • get yourself tested

Now on the other side of the coin - he is bluepill. He is already trying to justify it and put the blame on himself... and he is already spinning this as an example of how things are better now, compared to then when this s'posedly happened. I also know that people evolve in their life, and maybe she has grown past this (or hit her wall and knows it).

I would not stay, but I am not going through this, so that is easy for me to say.

I guess I am putting this out there as a FR and how hard you would push your lifetime friend to get out of such a relationship.

TL;DR - Buddy discovers his wife cheated on him a while back, but stuck with him because the other guy couldnt provide a better paycheck. Remember - AWALT.

----UPDATE: He found out yesterday (VIA HER PHONE) that she was s'posed to meet up with a guy. the guy backed out but promised a future meet-up where he would bring his truck so they could make-out. This guy is an old high school boyfriend from 20 years ago, who has a wife and 2 small kids. I took my buddy out for a beer, offered advice and some RP mentality. I also read directly from this thread much of your advice, so thank all of you for that. You hit hard but he needed to hear it. He agrees with much of it- and is in a state of shock seeing her manipulation and duplicity right in front of him. He is not going to let her know that he knows anything, or try to stop the new affair from happening. Instead he is going to focus on getting his affairs in order. He is going to hire a PI to dig deeper so he can get a full picture, and to help document everything. He is also going to figure out the financials. She makes 70k and he makes 40k - they both filed bankruptcy about 2 years ago. He also accepts that he is not a man attracting his wife right now, and he is going to come visit this subreddit in hopes of learning how to be. - WHAT WOULD BE THE 1 LINK YOU WOULD RECOMMEND FOR HIM TO START RED PILL?

His goal is that after finding out everything he can, getting his affairs in order, and preparing for all the outcomes, that he confronts her before her "girl weekend" in 2 weeks. This is key for him because this group of married girls are encouraging her infidelity. (1 of them sent her a picture of a huge dick that she was getting on the side, and told her she could have something like that too, and she could show her how she gets it). He, as of right now, wants the marriage to continue, mostly for the sake of the daughter. but the conditions he would only accept this is:

  • she ends her friendship with this group of women and deletes Facebook

  • complete transparency - he has access to all of her accounts at all times

  • she dedicates herself to this marriage and family

If she is willing to do this (which he thinks she will) and if he becomes Red Pill as he plans - I think there is a small chance they can make it.

Thanks again for your advice - I hope I am advising him well. He is going to be coming to these forums so if he makes himself known, please continue your awesome and brutal support.

(not sure where to place this so adding it here and in a post)

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Post Information
Title BP friend found out his wife cheated on him. Classic example of branch-swinging. What advice would you give?
Author spexer
Upvotes 8
Comments 47
Date April 17, 2015 5:41 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/bp-friend-found-out-his-wife-cheated-on-him.202117
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/32y2bd/bp_friend_found_out_his_wife_cheated_on_him/
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