Breaking my promise and saying no to a 3rd child

dandar4600 · 2015-05-15T10:54:28+00:00

I would not frame the discussion as a "promise made under duress". Smacks of a pussy starved faggot who may lie again in the future.

Let's have the same exact conversation but in a way that inspires confidence in your strength and leadership

I'd tell her how you had a change of heart. " listen Lisa, I have thought about this for months. I'm so happy with you and kid1@kid2 and I'd hate to spread my time and money thin". This is not something I want to do anymore. I realize I promised but I have thoughtfully changed my mind

BluepillProfessor · 2015-05-15T15:16:57+00:00

I promised was that if we got an awesome sex life we could have a 3rd child.

I don't like it. A man keeps his promises and doesn't whine about them being made under duress- especially after he gets performance. Your change of heart could be a deal breaker for your marriage and it is dishonorable- no better than a woman. IMHO. If I promised my wife we could have another baby, there would be no way I would unilaterally withdraw that promise later.

I disagree with /u/whinemoreplease on this because this issue can and should be communicated as a rational (masculine) argument AND an emotional (feminine) argument. I would combine them in one succinct argument- our family is wonderful the way it is....and a new baby would destroy the harmony you and your wife have created, something like that anyway.

However, at the end of the day, If I could not convince her and lead her away from the abyss of Babie Rabies, then I would keep my promises.

SorcererKing · 2015-05-15T08:53:06+00:00

What is her age, and how old are your children? How long has this been a topic? How long since you made the 'promise'?

2015-05-15T20:28:31+00:00

You have every right to change your mind. That's what I've learned.

2015-05-15T20:51:51+00:00

Go get snipped. Problem solved.

You're probably screwed. If she really wants another child it could be a big ol dealbreak for her.

But who knows. You have a ton of options. Communicate that you don't want a kid right now and that if you change your mind you will let her know. Straight forward simple. No reasons at all. You just don't want to right now.

If you are gaining in your alpha status, this might actually work. It will be a pretty solid test of where you are at anyways. For a lot of discussions, I am able to say "not right now" to my wife with little to no explanation. And she respects it. BUT we are not having THIS type of a conversation.

Good luck bro.

rediscover03 · 2015-05-15T11:27:27+00:00

Sounds like you made up your mind and you know in your gut and brain that you do not want a third.

It also sounds like the past promise may hinder your ability to enforce your newfound determination and decision. It's all about how you look at that promise and if you indeed think YOU are breaking something of value - that may weaken your case even before you bring it to your wife. The more important promise you made to your wife (and to yourself) is that you would be a responsible, loving, supporting, mature, leading husband and father. If you look at your new decision as being totally congruent with this most important promise, which it is, then not having a third child becomes an easier decision. So it's all about perspective. Then tactful implementation that emphasizes the many positives about staying with 2. I sure you have a list ready or you can put one together. Good luck.

2015-05-15T12:58:55+00:00

Something to consider here. My understanding is that your last two children were born before you swallowed the pill. I don't know what your relationship was like but that experience is your frame of reference.

Have you thought about how different things might be for the 3rd since you've swallowed the pill? They could be much different especially if you are happy with the direction your relationship is moving. If you are not happy we know a baby will not change that.

If you don't want another, cool. Be prepared for an emotional shitstorm. Biologically, she is probably looking at this as her last go before she retires her uterus permanently. She will think that you are "denying" her another child and this will probably be one the toughest challenges you have faced.

I've just had my 3rd under almost identical circumstances. I took the pill during pregnancy(6 months ago) and things are definitely better this time around. Although I can't say we were headed for divorce or had a dead bedroom, things were not good (my fault). I'm still a novice so I don't comment much, its just that your situation was so similar to mine.

getbackdownhere · 2015-05-15T14:57:16+00:00

"Awesome" is subjective

alphabeta49 · 2015-05-15T16:36:07+00:00

This is very relevant to my situation as well. We have two, ages 3 and 1, wife is 28, I'm 27. Lately she's been dropping more hints at having another, and I haven't been enthused.

We had a rational, pros-vs-cons discussion the other day (on mother's day, actually) and I made my stance clear. Similar to you, I don't want to be spread too thin, and I'm very comfortable with the two we have already.

So far she seems to have at least accepted my stance. We'll see how it goes as her emotions rise and fall, and as she gets older.

FWIW, I wouldn't say that the promise was made under duress/during dead bedroom/emotional torture. Sounds like a victim puke. But, as others have suggested here, you should reserve the right to change your mind based on newer information.

2015-05-15T18:35:02+00:00

just say you reconsidered... who cares if she blows up let her cool off and she'll just have to deal with it.

i'm sure she's "changed her mind" on a shit ton of stuff in your relationship, you act as if you aren't allowed to

ford_contour · 2015-05-17T20:26:19+00:00

In "When I say No, I feel Guilty", Assertive Right IV says "You have the right to change your mind ".

Don't talk about duress, just admit you changed your mind, and move on.

Yes, it's a ding against your manliness score, but it's a ding you committed in your pre-pill days, and a course correction is infinitely superior to bringing a new child into an unhappy marriage.

Tqbfjotlds · 2015-05-15T13:42:24+00:00

No need to explain - just say you changed your mind. You have absolutely every right to do that. Don't feel guilty for it.

Title	Breaking my promise and saying no to a 3rd child
Author	Sepean
Upvotes	8
Comments	36
Date	May 15, 2015 7:55 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/361fb0/breaking_my_promise_and_saying_no_to_a_3rd_child/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/breaking-my-promise-and-saying-no-to-a-3rd-child.201912 https://theredarchive.com/post/201912