Calibrating your Time, Attention and Commitment

July 20, 2017
44 upvotes

As a member who's been around here for a while, I don't post much. I do a lot of reading while making small, calculated improvements and occasionally chiming in about them. But I want to share some of my observations regarding conditioning your wife's behavior. I've noticed a common theme on MRP from new guys (to include myself from over a year ago). That theme is a struggle to successfully grasp when and how to employ the praxeology of Dread level 4 (DL4: Condition your time and attention to her sexual availability and pleasant personality). See this post I made almost year ago called "The Gift" of Genuine Desire and Balancing RP Strategies
In this post I tried to understand this dynamic and got some good feedback from members and mods. Below are a few things to keep in mind for those starting into DL4. But most importantly go forth with the frame that you are the prize. This mentality will both; 1. get you to a place where you are worthy of using proper conditioning/DL4 skills and 2. allow you to pull it off like a man who makes himself his mental point of origin and a man she perceives as being higher value.

For those new guys or those not done with the sidebar (and why aren't you?) look up the /u/bluepillprofessor's 12 levels of dread for context.

Improve yourself first for the sexual strategy to have any teeth:

This is nothing new yet still many seem to miss it. MRP is about improving the man and not the marriage, but we have to remember at it's core Red Pill is a sexual strategy. It's why most men end up here. As Rollo says, for one gender's sexual strategy to prevail, the other must fail. It's arguable that just by being married we've already ceded the advantage to the woman but that's another discussion. When Rollo talks about how to get the "upper hand" in an LTR, he's essentially talking about DL4. MRP is about how to be a more masculine, happy man within the confines of Marriage 2.0. How to make the best of the situation, live life with minimal compromises to your mission and be prepared for all eventualities. Trying to implement DL4 before making yourself a man worth fucking just makes you look like a faggot.

DL4 is such an important lynch-pin for a successful "Red-pill marriage" because it's the level where the man is actively changing his behavior in a manner that begins to make his frame and his strategy the priority. Even if you aren't going to spin plates, to be successful you need to be able to ACT like the man who would. Many mods and flaired men here contend that the pinnacle of a healthy LTR exists when dread levels are kept around 4-5. You've improved your physical, social and intellectual self but you're not "in her face" about it, now it's time to condition her.

Find the balance of Push/Pull:

This is where DL4 is made or failed. So what does this balance look like for the men of MRP? At it's core, it's a macro-level push/pull balance. Unlike the single PUA guy who is making judgments and balancing this dynamic literally in minutes or hours, married men need to look at DL4 and push/pull with the long game in mind. Some guys come in here and say, "my wife rejected me and so I went silent for two weeks and ghosted all texts." You're wrong. Or, "the wife rejected me and I went in the other room for two hours and came back and tried again." You're wrong. The right answer is in between these two extreme, aspie reactions and the real answer probably has more to do with calibrating the value you provide her on a Long-term consistent basis, rather than a day to day basis.

For example, say you've been consistently leading, being fun, flirty and in your frame. You try to initiate sex on Sunday - Hard No. You try again Monday - Hard No. If she's making excuses instead of exceptions for you, then you need to revisit DL 1-3 to shore up leaky joints in your ship. Are you lifting enough? Are you spilling feelz and worries to her? Are you leading? Are you displaying other unattractive behavior? Is your fashion on point? If you've got all this locked down, then you need to look at how your DL4 game is. But how do you adjust your treatment of her at this point?

Some recommend to always be initiating (when you feel like it) and to have a positive attitude when she rejects you. Others say, "why continue to give her the 'good husband' treatment when she isn't providing value to you (even after you've improved consistently over months or even years)?" If it's been two or three weeks of rejections then continuing to be Mr. fun/flirty/kino is being autistic. This will only condition her to continue to see you as a provider of resources and good feels who she doesn't have to put out for. Some women "get it" pretty quickly. Others need it spelled out more clearly. For those women, it probably goes something like this;

The wife's internal monologue could be:

"Ugh, he wants sex AGAIN."

Your subcommnication via actions should convey: "Yes princess, I do, and there's many other women out there who'd be happy to oblige."

If she is only rarely sexually unavailable then simply go on your merry way. Do you feel like watching TV with her or listening to her talk about her day? Then do so. Do you feel like heading out with buddies or working on a hobby, then do that. But do it without butthurt.

Is her sexual availability akin to the availability of bread and eggs in Russia during the height of the Cold War? Then your actions at this point need to be OI, but they don't necessarily have to be rainbows and sunshine. At this point, you should start withdrawing for more than just a day or so. Over a longer time frame your new focus needs to be YOU. If you get verbally challenged about why you are "distant" or "gone all the time" (and your DL1-3 game is on point) it's ok to explain that physical intimacy is something that you value. At this point, it's ok to openly verbalize that. This is essentially advanced WISNIFG stuff.

Calibrate your conditioning: Know your woman:

I see new guys here get frustrated with their "progress", try to remove time and attention for a few weeks or months, see no result and move right to DL 7 or higher. This is the definition of Rambo. Depending on the woman, a few weeks of reduced time/attention/affection is not enough. Remember, that 1,000 foot rope may not even be taut yet. For some women that rope may be 2,000 feet. You have to calibrate your conditioning behavior not only to the "length of your woman's rope" but also to the pattern of her good behavior. The longer you were a useless unattractive fuck, the longer that rope tends to be.

My wife does not require constant kino and attention, even when all is well. In fact, too much attention has the opposite effect on her. It took me a long time to realize this. Sometimes I'll go days without even initiating conversation now to keep her guessing. I'm not sulky or retributive, I just don't seek her out for anything beyond logistics. It also helps reinforce the reality that I don't need her. When she starts to feel "neglected" she'll come to me. Your wife may be different and you have to figure out that balance of attention vs. aloofness that works best in both the short, day to day, and the long game. Trial and error will be the game at first.

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