Dates and Drama

April 23, 2019
50 upvotes

I was coaching a guy recently who said, “[My wife] doesn’t have anything going on in her life, so she just sits at home watching Netflix all day. She just seems to be bored and starts drama with me.”

Women are going to have big emotions, both positive and negative. Since women make decisions based on their emotion at the time, negative emotions justify(in their minds) creating drama. It's in human nature to blame other people for our problems, creating scapegoats, using drama. I hope this post helps some of you minimize the drama, while regaining the frame.

In the absence of an outside enemy, people will get anxious about lack of progress and decide there is an enemy within the group.

So because she's "bored"(doesn't have an enemy outside the home to blame or attack) she chooses you to be the enemy.

Sometimes, she scratches this itch by making the enemy climate change, Trump, or Cersei Lannister. But if she's displeased with something in her life eg not owning a bigger house, she will choose to blame you instead of taking responsibility for the part she plays in that(spending rather than investing, not getting a part time job to add funds, etc). The blue pill and often natural response is to perform and buy a bigger house. Don’t.

Women will use drama to test your frame ie shit test. When you have the frame, you can enjoy and embrace reasonable levels of drama targeted at you(even non playful shit tests). Passing the shit test will increase attraction because the anger part of the brain, in women, is closely connected to the sexual part. After the fact, small levels of drama can also tie her to you emotionally because when the resolution occurs, she has very positive feelings. But intentionally escalating drama can create distractions from your mission, and without adequate frame, it can create very unfavorable, Rambo-type situations.

Redirect her energy.

When initially building frame you want to de-escalate situations or not let them happen at all(STFU, don’t DEER) to keep her from going crazy on you.

Minimize shit tests, while building frame in early stages of dread(1 & 2)...

Encourage her to get out of the house and do something else to focus the drama on someone or something else.

You'll have to decide how and when to do that, but yoga, a part time job, playdates for kids, all accomplish this goal. If she says she wants to do something new, encourage it. You’ll find her coming home to bitch about someone else, and you’ll need to be prepared to listen and validate her drama focused on others, rather than argue or try to fix the problem. She’s probably wrong. The other person isn’t that bad. But the focus of her drama is on the other person, not you. Don’t be her chatty girlfriend and get wrapped up in the drama, but keep energy focused away from you.

Dread Stage 3+. Get out of the house and build your own life. Separating yourself from her minimizes drama because you simply aren’t around for her to attack. But she sees you on missions accomplishing things, so attraction is built. Too much, too soon, can escalate drama because “you aren’t around anymore,” so ease into it. Picking up new hobbies slowly.

Date night...

I believe strong men with strong frame figured out this drama issue, in the past, and the date night was conceived. Getting her out to see new things and new people helps to distract her from focusing the drama on you.

In recent years, the date night concept has been hijacked and has become another feminine tactic for control. Date night is an entitlement used to further utilize the beta bux side of a man, while dangling the carrot (sex at the end of the night) in front of the horse(the man) as long as he is obedient. Inevitably, it doesn’t work because she isn’t turned on, and sex rarely occurs.

When you don’t have the frame…

Use a date night, not as a night for her to be wined and dined(beta bux), but rather for you to have fun and her see you do it(alpha fucks). She’s still wondering, if you are good enough for her, so increase your value in her eyes. Show her, she is with a strong, confident man. This can work wonders for sexual attraction.

Once you’ve built frame(if you aren’t sure you have it, you don’t)...

The drama will shift from her feeling you aren’t good enough, to her not being good enough. At this point, you wine and dine her, in appropriate amounts. Don’t fall back into the beta bux habits, but use dates to provide comfort(showing her you’ve chosen her). Doing this(once she believes you are a strong confident man) will make her feel that she is, now, valued by a strong, confident man, the dream of every woman.

More advanced red pill men can use drama to their advantage by creating it. I encourage “playful drama” created through sarcasm or pushing her buttons in a playful way. Sometimes, when you have particularly low levels of frame, this can backfire, but generally, it’s well received.

Example: Occasionally, I’ll ask my girl if she plans on “eating that entire meal” with a smirk. When she was young, she had an eating disorder, so this is an emotional trigger for her. But she hasn’t gained a pound since I met her, and she knows I think she has a rockin’ body. She knows I’m pushing her buttons in a playful way. And in an indirect, fun-asshole way, it reminds her that I think she’s attractive, but I’ll have no problem saying something, if she were to let herself go.

Edit: Beginners should not use teasing to create drama. That is not the point of my post. Drama is inevitable, no need to create more. Redirect her energy through activities outside the house rather than blaming her for the drama because she isn’t doing anything besides watching Netflix.

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Post Information
Title Dates and Drama
Author alpha-zach
Upvotes 50
Comments 44
Date April 23, 2019 1:57 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/dates-and-drama.235856
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/bggopd/dates_and_drama/
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Comments

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red16 points17 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

There was a theme that circulated here a year or so ago about some guys actually creating drama/fights/issues for the express purpose of generating emotional responses in their wives.

The caveat is that you need to have a strong frame and a good understanding of game to pull this off, so it is an advanced technique.

[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I remember and always found it a little intriguing. On one hand, for sure stirring up a woman's emotions (any of them) is a sure fire way of experiencing more of her other emotions, but I always wondered if the juice was worth the squeeze.

I always imagined it as more of a JV vs. Varsity thing. i.e. if you are starting out and generally coming from a bad place in your relationship, doing SOMETHING different is a way to get a different outcome, and at some point that outcome might be something good, assuming you can accept the fact that you will have to deal with the other possible outcomes as well.

For me I'd rather use targeted missiles vs. carpet bombing. i.e. stir up the RIGHT emotions from the beginning, and actively dissuade behaviors I don't want. Of course YMMV, and everybody has to start somewhere. For me though, I'd rather not endure a woman's hissy fit in exchange for a possible BJ later. I would much rather put in the work to train her on my needs and expectations, understand her needs and expectations, and if we find that they can align work to make that happen and skip right to the finish line (pun intended).

[–]alpha-zach[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I see that the flow of my post gave the wrong impression. The focus was not on starting drama, but redirecting it through dates or outside activities because beginners struggle with the bevy of early shit tests.

Ive made some edits to clear that up.

[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You are closer to the right track then the wrong track, which is good. What I will say is that at this point you are Neo thinking about how you can dodge bullets. You have yet to learn that "When you are ready, you won't have to."

That isn't to say you are failing, just realize that this is a process of improvement, one that never really ends. Crawl, walk, run...

[–]alpha-zach[S] -3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m no Morpheus or whatever Neo is in his final form. But I’m well beyond dodging bullets. This is meant for those who are recently fascinated by knowing “kung fu.”

[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe invest more effort on understanding what others are saying before discrediting it than on DEERing about how you know everything. It will get you far in life...

[–]Red-Curious3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think /u/red-sfpplus once used the analogy of a steam engine - pressure keeps building. You can either release the emotional pressure in a way that works for you and powers the ship, or you can let it blow up all on its own and create a giant mess. I'll choose the first option.

[–]RStonePTOfficial Counterfeit Goods1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

deleted What is this?

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I wonder where he is now....

I like to tell my wife that she put the toilet paper roll on backwards sometimes.

[–]hack3geMRP APPROVED3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I do this too. It backfired slightly recently as apparently there was some post on facebook about the patent showing the right way to put toilet paper on and I get a text message from her telling me she was right and I was wrong. Funny thing is I've been telling her its wrong regardless of the direction its put on.

[–]JDRoedellMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s all about the emotions. It’s drama for its own sake.

[–]SKRedPill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Negs work extremely well for stuff like this.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That was it.

[–]fuckmrpMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's a nuance, and thinking of it as creating drama or fighting is too aggressive. It's part fucking with her, pushing buttons and part doing what the fuck you want. The outcome of the later usually results in some form of tension at times anyway so might as well use that shit. It's the kinda thing, when done correctly, she still fucks but she makes it a point to say she's still mad at you tho...

But it has to be meaningless shit. You have to know your girl. And she has to want to fuck you in the first place. Then it's just waves in the pool.

[–]alpha-zach[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stir up waters to catch fish, but never outshine the master.

[–]BobbyPeruMRP APPROVED9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She’s probably wrong. The other person isn’t that bad. But the focus of her drama is on the other person, not you. Don’t be her chatty girlfriend and get wrapped up in the drama, but keep energy focused away from you.

This is level 9 good shit

[–]screechhaterMRP APPROVED5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Put down the crack pipe and back the fuck away.

Leading is about being attractive and being valuable enough to have energy to draw from.

Yes, you read that right. All you fucking retards read it again.

Having a mission, operating in your frame, OYS on all levels and constantly improving literally is enough. Lifting is obviously part of that, but nevertheless, this is golden.

You don’t need to manufacture drama, you don’t need to parade her or yourself in date night, but you do need to be fully engaged and learn to fucking dance. Lead her across the street by her hand in to that bar or restaurant Plan it all out.

Fuck her well. Come twice or three times. Wake her up with your cock. Whatever you do be authentic and be there, all of you

[–]BarracudaRPMRP APPROVED / Dreadful '191 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

she had an eating disorder, so this is an emotional trigger for her

she hasn’t gained a pound since I met her

I’ll ask my girl if she plans on “eating that entire meal” with a smirk

Why, did you get tired of making fun of her speech impediment? I've been wasting my time by setting a healthy example, and generously applying dread until my wife's panties are wet. But now I see I should have been connecting my flirting to the things that sent her to the hospital as a teenager. Maybe I should sign up for mentoring?

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stone once had a playing with dynamite post.

[–]Reach180MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

no need to create more.

If you create the drama, you set the terms of the drama.

[–]RStonePTOfficial Counterfeit Goods-1 points0 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

deleted What is this?

[–]alpha-zach[S] 0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy Link

I can tell you coach chicks

Of course not. All the mods, endorsed contributors, and men with strong frame are desperately in need of coaching. So I cater directly to them.

Most guys that come here are extremely co dependent, risk averse and conflict avoidant. This is going to sound very good to them, and they will continue to bullshit their conflict avoidance as if it's redirection-game.

Conceal your intentions. So much depends on reputation guard it with your life. Make other people come to you, use bait if necessary. Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim.

Have you even read 48 laws of power?

Also, manufactured outrage isn't about building positive feelings, it's about building strong ones. She doesn't have to be high on happy drugs to fuck with enthusiasm, only high on dopamine.

Lol. You think new red pillers have the emotional strength to just plough through a woman who has been dominating them for a decade with simple shit tests? It’s comments like these that create rambos. Well done you just added to the problem.

Dates are about comfort, emotional engagement is about desire, you're mixing up the beta behaviours for the alpha ones.

Dates are going out for the night, there is nothing inherently beta nor alpha about them. It’s not what but HOW you do the date, that gives alpha or beta vibes. So as I said, do your own thing when you don’t have frame(alpha), wine and dine when you do(beta).

[–]SuperCrazy071 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Dates are going out for the night, there is nothing inherently beta nor alpha about them.

I agree. While I can see how a single guy trying to get laid by taking a girl on a date is beta, I don’t know that it really applies to married people.

I like to go out and have fun. I’ll go with or without the wife. It has nothing to do with sex.

After a certain amount of time together, going out and having sex are completely disconnected.

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Every night is a date night.

[–]TaipanshimshonMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

With me

[–]RStonePTOfficial Counterfeit Goods0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

deleted What is this?

[–]alpha-zach[S] -2 points-1 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

We have to be having a semantics issue here.

Taking her out with you to a bar while you have fun, focus on other people, and show social competency has nothing to do with comfort.

Dates are bad for sexual desire by itself

Of course. I believe I said that. But it’s part of the package to show her OI, social proof, even other women attracted to you. I rarely find life long betas on here, betas don’t seek resolutions to their problems. I find a lot of past alphas that got a ring on a finger with moderate alpha qualities, then lost the frame with her while still retaining it in other areas of their life(work, friends, etc) because they bought the blue pill lies about settling down or happy wife, happy life.

[–]RStonePTOfficial Counterfeit Goods5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

deleted What is this?

[–]TaipanshimshonMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

“New guys “

[–]RStonePTOfficial Counterfeit Goods1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

deleted What is this?

[–]TaipanshimshonMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yea but pictures on mantles

[–]RStonePTOfficial Counterfeit Goods2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

deleted What is this?

[–]TaipanshimshonMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I cringe every time my LDS’s comes workers adult divorced step daughter, who lives with mom and “Dad” calls him her Patriarch on fb. Every Father’s Day.

Dude and wife. 4 daughters. Some his.

[–]framelessglasses0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

A golden frame, above all others, so special.

[–]hack3geMRP APPROVED-2 points-1 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

So basically tease / fuck with my wife and do what I want when we go out? God I hope people don't pay you for this type of advice.

[–]weakandsensitive7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

God I hope people don't pay you for this type of advice.

OP tried to add value.

Some people go to strippers because they just want someone to talk to them.

[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Some people go to strippers because they just want someone to talk to them.

True, but to be fair the strippers have an innate value insomuch as they have vaginas and tits.

Conversely, regarding the value of a random man on the internet, his value is completely within his knowledge, his ability to master his own life, and in extension to teach others. Somewhat following the "see one, do one, teach one" approach.

This was OP 3 months ago

Probably not the best candidate for "coaching" others IMO. Of course, on the other side of the coin, I think the tendency for those "discovering" something new to have enthusiasm and want to "spread the word" is a good thing, as long as they have an understanding of their own blind-spots.

[–]weakandsensitive4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Lots of people are willing to pay for an authority figure to tell them what to do, even if that authority figure doesn't really deserve it.

[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ain't that the truth...

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king."

[–]alpha-zach[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’ve found these concepts work quite well for those just starting the journey.

But in the interest of understanding your criticism, are you saying we shouldn’t tease our wives, and should do what they want on dates?

[–]SorcererKingMRP SAGE - MRP MODERATOR7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

No, I think he's giving you your promotion to Captain Obvious.

[–]alpha-zach[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ahhh I see. I whole heartedly agree, as it was my full intention to write a simple post.

What is obvious to more advanced red pillers, is not so obvious to the brand new. Connecting the dots is not so easy. Baby steps.

[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

God I hope people don't pay you for this type of advice.

Lol, I had the same thought.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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