Leaving is never a bad option!
But lets say you JUST learned about shit from a decade ago, or you were the biggest beta in Faggot town and really accept that you deserved this because AWALT.
This is my story-- I gave it to another man in a separate thread but thought it may deserve a separate discussion just for visibility.
Playing it right mainly depends on your ability to avoid making it all about your own butthurt feelings devolving into what a woman will absolutely see as disgusting weakness
So I found this place when my marriage kinda sucked. Argued with wife alot, thought she was a nagging bitch, we rarely had sex. And I was 20 pounds overweight and doing WAY more then my share of household chores. Walked on eggshells to avoid upsetting her.
All this should sound familiar to men here.
THEN...A local woman expressed interest in me and I was WELL on my way to cheating. Mostly in a bluepill puke way. I probably wanted to get caught and then I could give away all my assets and kids out of shame. What a fucking faggot I was--totally seeped in a blue fog.
A google search of affair advice somehow brought me to TRP and I devoured that shit. Every day I read for hours. Anyway, I was carefully covering tracks (different email, burner phone) and then I thought I should check on HER email/phone.
I found out she had been secretly seeing an old colleague for lunch every few months. Had lied about her whereabouts on two separate weekends 5-6 years ago (was actually in old BFs town). No "proof" of anything but come on... Im a RP man now and know that women have zero concept of truth and loyalty as men know it. I was pondering what to do (as you are). I have two kids. Im well off. Divorce seemed painful but now that I unplugged it wasnt EMOTIONALLY Painful. just hard to let my kids and $ go.
I spent a few months diving deeper into RP, banging another lady, and snooping for more and more evidence. Had chatted with a lawyer-- wife found out I was on to her--- doesnt matter how. Here is the advice an EC on TRP gave me. I followed it to a T (well.. still am following it. I dont know how this story ends)
It's going to be all about holding frame going forward. Never shout at her or get aggressive, keep to your course. Nonchalant is good, careful not to overdo it: you need more than ever to be a man of few words, and TELL her how things are/will be, do not get into "discussion" about it.
Give her the impression that you are emotionally shell shocked. Very closed off, but not aggressively so, throw in the occasional bit of warmth / something pleasant for her, such as a kind word here or there, something considerate done as if you "forgot" what's going on between you
The reason for this, it helps you keep her confused; you don't want the woman to decide it's all over and she lost you, she needs to feel like there's something to fight for, then she may come out with full on remorse and so on... even if somewhat faked, it's good for you, to simply help you process this shit without going crazy. If this does end up happening and she admits it with apologies and tears, there are effective things you can do to both symbollically punish her, help yourself heal, and set the right "tone" of healthy dread for the rest of your relationship.
You can increase dread if you can stay over at friends' or a different apartment. Let her know you won't be coming home that night, do not elaborate where you will be or why. "I have a lot to think about. We'll talk later, Lisa. Good night."
Every single time I was in a situation resembling yours, the "natural" blue pill instinct was to frame things so that I get to play the victim, show the woman how she was shitty to me, and gain concessions from her by showing how I'm hurt, unjustly mistreated etc. - which she was supposed to "see" and react with compassion to. Big mistake!
Check yourself immediately if you feel things careening that way. Instead, come at it ALL from an implicit position of power, you are the decider, you do not need anything from her, things are in motion and you are going to resolve this, with or without her. Life WILL go on for you, the only question is, what role if any will she have in it. Make her dread your decision and want to manipulate you by being on her best behaviour.
When she throws shouting tantrums, do not engage her or attack back, leave without a word. This is again why you need a "hideout" to retreat to. If she doesn't tantrum or otherwise force you to play that card, be cordial and civil, but detached. Everything you normally do for her, such as any chores and so on, I would still do it as if "nothing happened". You see what I'm getting at, it's like a state of limbo. She is confused because you are not attacking her, she's lonely, she's feeling guilty, and it's driving her crazy how you are so in control, ice cold about it. She wants you to come apart and cry, throw lawn chairs, that would be what she can work with. But you don't give her that, you're self sufficient and headstrong, can't be shamed, can't be provoked, can't be gas lighted.
She is confused because you are not attacking her, she's lonely, she's feeling guilty, and it's driving her crazy how you are so in control, ice cold about it. She wants you to come apart and cry, throw lawn chairs, that would be what she can work with. But you don't give her that, you're self sufficient and headstrong, can't be shamed, can't be provoked, can't be gas lighted.
If I loved the woman, I'd hear her out, including insulting attempts to one up at my expense (her going on about how I'm the bad guy). You hear it all out without protesting, then answer along the lines of "Come here, sweetheart." warm her in your arms and drop a magnanimous sentence like "Well, it's not easy for any of us, is it." or "What truly matters is, we are here for each other."
You address the emotions in her and take control of the same emotions in yourself. So that she doesn't need to give you anything to make you OK, you're always OK. "It is what it is, I know we're not perfect, but I adore you, you fool." If you play it just right, this nuclear catharsis can even be the bit of drama that ultimately contributes something very positive to your life together going forward. .