Background:

We are both 36, married 10, together 13. We have two sons ages 3 and 1.

I was alpha in the relationship early but beta in bed, (super focused on her O's) and she has always controlled sex. Used to be everyday or ever other day, then somewhere along the line 5 years ago I decided I would never initiate. It was pre MRP and I was tired of rejection and being butthurt. At first things were good, then trickle. And, I don't do pregnant women, so the last few years have been once a month duty.

Edit out useless info. She is a SAHM. Let's say we have the same SMV. But we both thinks our own is greater than the others.

6 weeks ago, fearing an endless deadbedroom, I found MRP. I jumped in, reading MMSLP, Book of Pook, NMMNG, SGM and now on WISNIFG. I've been lifting and since I was already fit, I've had super fast results. Of course, I know enough to know I have a lot to learn and a lot more fitness to achieve. That's why I need direction.

The incident:

Things have been great with initiation. Every other day sex, instead of once a month. I've been fielding "what's gotten in to you" every other day. She was ovulating and we had the best sex we've had in four years. But, I'm trying to get a little more dominant in bed. Just a little. Some spanking, light wrist grabbing, etc. She is not in to it.

Last night, she is about to get in bed, I say "what are you up to?" Her, "getting ready for bed what are you doing?" Me, "I was about to tell you to get in bed so I can make sweet love to you (playful tone). I'll even be nice this time." Her, "good because if you aren't nice then I'm not going to do it."

So we start and she is really not into it. She says she doesn't want to kiss me because I've been sick, (I haven't), then she directs me to take my boxers off, I playfully tell her to take her shirt off, she slaps my ass and tells me to take my boxers off. I told her I didn't like that and tell her to take her shirt off. Complete power struggle. I started to play wrestle her a little. She freaks out saying that she bruises easy. I say "you're so cute when your angry" and lightly grab her ankle and she freaks. She is Irish and has a temper and even though she is 5'5" 110 pounds she will hit. She hit me, so I say "you are acting insane, I'm done." She protested and I just broken recorded "I'm done."

I leave the room and read. Wait until she is asleep and go to bed. I wake up before her and go to the gym. I come home and I am cold but not angry. I'm cheery to the kids. She may think butthurt.

She will play ice queen. That is her deal. I'm fine with it. I just need direction on how to proceed. I can never bring it up again and act like nothing happened. I can initiate tonight, which will bring it to a head. I can tell her to never do it again. You tell me.

Thanks in advance from all the new guys.

Update

I STFU but acted cheery around her and the kids for a day. She acted ice queen, then, when I was not phased, it switched to acting like a pouty, bad little girl. This I haven't seen before. Maybe I have misread ice queen Pre RP.

She got some bad news about her father's health and really wanted to talk about it. I told her it sucks and then I was otherwise unavailable, by being too busy. That is very different because I normally would try to solve her shit. There is nothing to solve. It is out of our control, but in the past I would still try.

Next day: lift and a little kino in the morning. I answered one of her calls, which is nice of me. Even before RP I stopped calls and texts during the day, because I am too busy. When I got home I was cheery and owning shit. I kino her a little.

There is another mini shit-storm about her father. I held frame way better than usual. I said very little. Then I left the room. There was a ton of tension. Five minutes later she comes to me and apologizes for her emotions causing me problems. This is so backwards from normal me trying to figure out all her problems and saying how sorry I am for her. I almost laughed. I pulled her in for a long hug and kissed her on the forehead.

Later we are in bed and I'm totally OI because I was not going to initiate for a couple of days. She asks if she can pleasure me. She initiated an unsolicited BJ!

This has happened before, but pre RP I would have been blindsided by this. I was still a little shocked, because I gave her so little emotionally. I still haven't internalized that by not being an emotional tampon, you get unsolicited BJs.

So much to learn. Thanks dudes.