[Epic FR] 12 Months of MAP Progress

April 19, 2016
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This is long as fuck. It’s a compilation of the journal I kept for the past year documenting my thoughts and observations along my journey to reclaim and embrace my masculinity.

Calibration and Correlation

Throughout this post, I’ll frequently describe my wife’s actions. Applying concepts from NMMNG and WISNIFG means decoupling my judgement of myself from her judgement of me, but as is frequently stated around here, she is a reflection of me and filling the container I provide. I have consciously not adjusted my MAP in response to her actions, but observing her response to my changes and using that data as feedback has been effective when refining my tactical actions. I’m not doing anything specifically so she will fuck me, but when she does fuck (or respect), I pay attention to what I did that worked. I am mindful of her macro response because eventually it will be her response (or lack of) to my action that determines if I continue my married relationship with her.

Tuesday, May 5th 2015, I took the pill.

Starting stats:

Me:

  • 34 years old
  • Skinny-fat (6’3, 190 lbs, 20%+ BF), obvious jiggly beer belly
  • Haircut I’ve had since High School
  • Sloppy dresser (always had good hygene though…)
  • Career Beta-bux
  • Lots of Omega behavior
  • Serious, intense personality with my family; not a fun guy
  • Gregarious with nearly everyone else, but lazy about making friends

My Marriage:

  • Married for 8.5 years
  • Dating for 7 years before that
  • We’re each other’s only sex partner (as far as I care to believe)
  • 2 young children, 1 and 3 at the time

Here’s how I got to the starting line.

The morning I “took” the pill was literally the first day of the rest of my life.

I can’t remember any event in my life that brought so much sudden clarity. Like every captain’s journey, mine started out as a quest for sex, but I immediately realized [RED PILL LESSON] what I was missing was respect and the sex I wanted was just an expression of my wife’s respect for me.

Anger? Of course I had a little but it was just so clear what the problem was and that I was the one who caused it. Why be angry with myself when I did what I judged to be the right thing with the information I had?

In my profession, I always tell people that anything can be done in two steps. First, define the problem; Second, solve it. Right there on the screen were both of those steps. As an engineer, the 12 levels of Dread was a clear path to a reality I desperately wanted. MRP was a community of guys who knew exactly what was missing in my life and had done the same thing I needed to do to find it. The recommendation is to work one dread per month and to expect the MAP to take as many months as you had years in your relationship. We’ve been together 16 years so I decided to take things extra slow and work each level for two months and give her time to reflect properly.

Day 1:

The very first action I took was to get dressed that morning and tuck my shirt in. I haven’t done this ever except when wearing a suit and tie.

  • I got to work and created a new Amazon account and ordered hard copies of the side bar books to be delivered to my office.

  • I found PDFs of the Sex God Method and Book of Pook, bookmarked them on my phone.

  • I called a clinic and scheduled my vasectomy, something I’d been putting off for months.

  • On my family Amazon account, I ordered Starting Strength.

  • I found all the gyms within a reasonable radius from my office and house, researched their cost and hours, and called to ask about their free-weight arrangement.

  • I found the r/fitness bodyweight beginner routine and printed it out to take home.

  • I picked the dates and destination for a yearly camping trip we take with out-of-state friends, then sent an email to the group telling them the plan. I assigned each family a meal responsibility, and I booked the campsite. In the past, the logistics of this event were typically handled with the “IDK, what does everyone else want to do?” method.

  • I installed the Clue and MFP apps on my phone and also apps for my bank and both our credit cards.

  • I normally eat at my desk and work through lunch, but today, I drove to a nearby park to eat and read MRP on my phone.

I got home that night with my game-face on. My wife is a serious clutter-bug and I am the opposite. It always pissed me off that she wouldn’t clean up her own shit, so I passive-aggressively just left the mess (like that would show her…) [COVERT CONTRACT]. My new attitude was: I want an orderly environment in which to live, therefor it’s my responsibility to make it so. I went through the house and mentally noted all the things that needed doing. I knew I was in no position to order my wife around, so I got to work. I picked up and put away all the kids toys, cooked dinner, did the dishes, then sorted all her clutter on the table into keep and recycle piles. During all this, my kids were buzzing around demanding attention but my wife kept them occupied, saying “Don’t bother your dad; he’s mad about something.” Then she would sort of side-glance at me with furrowed brow. In hindsight, my “game face” was probably way too serious and my behavior was probably too drastic of a change for day 1… whatever.

I didn’t drink any beer for the first night in years.

That night after kids’ bedtime, I dug out my old workout clothes and started the BW routine. My wife, sitting on the couch with her phone and TV, snickered and asked “Uhh, what are you doing?” I told her “I’m going to get in shape. I don’t want to be the slow dad when our boys start sports.” This would have been a great time to Agree and Amplify, but on Day 1, I would have just been a dick about it. The workout kicked my ass. I showered and went to bed after pecking my wife on the lips.

Day 2:

Again, I tucked my shirt in. Wife asked if my customer was in town. “Nope.” I answered, and left it at that. Again, I spent my lunch hour (and many breaks during the day) reading the MRP wiki. I got home and blitzed the house to knock out any outstanding chores I saw. We have always read to our kids, dozens of books per day. I continued that routine, but consciously made my reading more animated than usual and the kids ate it up. The BW fitness routine is every other day, so tonight after the kids were in bed, I went for a run. When I got back, I showered and got in bed. My wife came in, undressed and got in bed too. Tonight, she was wearing a thong, which is unusual for her. Her style of initiating is to lay in the middle of the bed, turn her back to me, and allow me to gently touch her body. That’s what happened, but when I saw the thong, I outwardly showed my excitement. From then on in the session, everything felt a little forced and we had some gentle missionary sex. [RED PILL LESSON] Women dress sexy to please alphas all the time, reacting to it as if it’s a treat just proves I’m faking it.

Week 1:

Throughout this week, my mission was to begin good habits and eliminate bad habits (AKA get myself in order)

  • I stopped asking for permission to do anything, especially spend my time or money.
  • I continued to sharpen up my current wardrobe by only wearing my best looking shirts and jeans, tucking them in.
  • I shaved every other day instead of every third day.
  • I stopped talking about work at home.
  • I worked out and ran on alternating days, resting on Saturday. Ehrmagawd, the DOMS… felt SO good!
  • I stopped watching TV and surfing the web in the evenings (Spent that time working out or reading Starting Strength)
  • I stopped drinking beer (other than one at band practice or at a show).
  • I felt disgusted by the weakness associated with porn and fapping, so that was easy to stop.
  • We already eat healthy, but I stopped raiding the sugar-snack drawer at work.
  • My books arrived and I started reading them on my lunch hours, NMMNG first. Jebus what an eye-opener…
  • I created a spreadsheet (I know…) to track my fitness progress, my sexual progress, and my MAP categories.
  • I stopped asking or thanking for sex.

I initiated sex every day, sometimes earlier than usual. As usual, my wife always had an excuse (too relaxed, too tired, whatever). Upon rejection, I either did something else or went to sleep. But on day 5, she gave in. During foreplay, I took some advice from the sub and just put my dick in her face without asking; she sucked it for the first time in over 3 years! Fuck yeah! I was on a roll so I spun her around and pounded her doggy-style until we both came. Now, DS has always been one of the allowed activities, usually once per month, with the rest being missionary or spoon positions, but this time I didn’t hold back on the intensity and by her wetness, I could tell she enjoyed it. Looking back at my collected data, this was at the peak of her ovulation. [RED PILL LESSON] She WANTS to be dominated.

Two days later, she initiated again by wearing a thong and climbing on top when we went to bed (also highly unusual). This session, we went through two new positions and ended with a hard pounding in missionary. Afterward, she told me “That was fun!” I just smirked.

The next night, we both knew what was up and mutually initiated. This time, I asked no permission and ate her pussy, fucked her doggy-style to cum (in my condom), then fingerblasted and ate her out to cum again. This was a big deal, as I hadn’t given her multiple orgasms in a single session in a very, very long time. And suddenly pussy-eating was back on the table…

During the waking hours, I was still (overly) intense about getting my ship in order.

Week 2:

My goal with the BW program was to get in the habit of exercise and gain some basic functional strength while I shopped for free weights and read Starting Strength. I started reading all about nutrition and tracking my calories and macros. I bought some ON Gold Standard whey powder to balance my macros to 40/40/20 and got an inquisitive look when I brought it home (I just STFU).

  • Finished NMMNG; my mind was blown. Started MMSLP.

  • Sex this week was interesting. We had it every other day, she appeared to be into it, but she was dry each time and got kind of pissy that I took longer than she did to cum. During the last session before her period, she demanded to have a talk about “communication” before we fucked. She sensed a disturbance in the force! I said very little, but her main curiosity was to know “my plan for working out.” I just [broken record’ed] that “I want to get in shape. I don’t want to have a dad-bod.” I really didn’t get many other shit-tests; my wife was mostly indifferent towards me. We weren’t somewhere new with other women she had to impress with her control over me, and I was generally pretty busy just doing everything around the house that I wanted to be done.

  • I stopped rushing home after work, band practice, and gigs. We generally don’t text that much, but I used to send her an “OMW” whenever I left some place so I stopped doing that.

  • I started calmly enforcing boundaries and building my frame with my kids. TBH, this is still my toughest struggle, even nearly a year in. Now this, my wife did react to; “Why are you being so strict with them?” I DEER’d with “It’s my job to teach my sons appropriate social behavior”, but said no more about it.

My wife’s birthday was at the end of this month and I wasn’t quite confident enough to be a Skittles man this early in the game. I usually buy her some new electronical thing or something more masculine like a camping gadget. This year, I got her a nice cooking pot for the kitchen and no card. I took her to a restaurant where I wanted to eat and didn’t tell her where. I only texted and said “We’re leaving at 6, wear a dress.” She did, and her voice was quivering when we drove up to the valet at one of the swankier places in town. It was shark week so the covert expectation for sex after was easy to break.

Around week 4, my wife decided she ought to be working out too. She used to do a stroller fitness class that worked well, but had dropped that during her second pregnancy. She found her own BW routine and did it on my running nights for about two weeks then quit because she was sore (I never gave it much notice except “Awesome!” when she told me she was starting).

At the end of Month 1:

  • Dread level 0, 1, and 2 were in effect. Some elements of level 3
  • I weighed 192, lost an inch around my belly, gained 2” of bicep circumference (11-13”), and I felt healthy and invigorated. My posture and gait was greatly improved.
  • I finished NMMNG, MMSLP, SGM, and started WISNIFG during lunch and Book of Pook on my phone.
  • Had sex 8 times; lots of the old moves are back on the table.
  • I started paying attention to my family’s finances (which are good and stable), but didn’t do anything to take control yet.
  • Attitude wise, I was very distant and laser focused on getting my self and my shit in order. I broke my oneitis by comparing my attitude toward my career (definitively successful) with my attitude toward my married relationship (definitively unsuccessful) and adjusting my thoughts accordingly.
  • Pussy, in general is still on a pedestal, but it’s down a notch because my mind is on finding holes in my boat.
  • Socially, I still didn’t have any bros to hang out with other than my bandmates. I made a conscious effort to be relaxed and gregarious at gatherings with my wife’s friends and families. This felt like such a performance. With my manosphere knowledge, all I could see was the Beta-bux dynamic every couple we knew. I chuckled to myself and it was all I could do to maintain Law 38.
  • My only hobbies were the band, planning trips, and working on our camping van.

Month 2:

I got my vasectomy. The two nights before, she was waiting in bed for me, naked; presumably because she thought it might be a week before I was recovered and she was ovulating (thanks Clue!). After the procedure, I never said peep about my nuts aching or needing to take it easy, I just spent more time reading to my boys. I was on the lookout for shit tests, but didn’t spot any. Two days later, I felt up to it, so I initiated and escalated kino on the couch, got her so teased up, we ended up fucking. [RED PILL LESSON] Don’t show weakness.

I continued to initiate about every other day and got rejected about 1/3 of the time. Some nights my wife was all about it, wet, and down for multiple positions. I’d finished SGM and I was slowly ramping up the Dominance, tracking the Variety, but still struggling with consistent immersion and failing with Emotion.

Sexual milestones this month were increased wearing of sexy underwear and compliance to my direction to touch herself during sex.

I started eating surplus calories, still hitting my macros, and I started taking Creatine.

Besides playing shows with my band, I started going out with my bandmates to see other bands, about every 2 weeks. I started going to the trap range every few weeks; sometimes by myself, sometimes with coworkers. It felt great to just do what I wanted. Just like NMMNG says about self-sacrifice, the family didn’t really even notice and just adjusted themselves to deal with my absence. [RED PILL LESSON] Have bros, do hobbies.

I kept the same haircut, but got it touched up every 4 weeks instead of 8 weeks.

At the end of month 2:

  • Dread level 3
  • 6’3, 198 lb, 14.5” biceps, belly is still there. Wife commented that my chest looks more developed, but the measurements don’t confirm that.
  • Dressing sharper with the clothes I already have. Bought all new underwear.
  • Finished Starting Strength, grinding away through Book of Pook and WISNIFG
  • Had sex 9 times
  • Hobbies are medium-strong
  • My house, yard, and vehicles are in top shape.
  • I’m debt-free and saving.
  • Struggling to establish my frame with kids and parenting.
  • Social life needs the most work.
  • Game is clumsy.

Month 3

I started the month with a new haircut; “Mad Men” style side-part instead of the “Nick Lachey” that I’d worn since High School. Wife asked “Trying something new with your hair?” “Yep.”

  • I’ve been wet shaving for a few years, but I changed up my aftershave for something new.

  • BW routine isn’t wearing me out anymore. I need to find some iron to lift. The time when I can workout that fits with all my other commitments is at night, after kids’ bedtime (usually at 8). All the gym options near me close shortly after that so lifting at a gym just isn’t going to happen for me. That’s unfortunate because I was really looking forward to using that as another social opportunity. I started adding a backpack full of milk jugs to my BW routine, changed my jogs to The Hardest km, and started scouring Craigslist for lifting equipment.

  • I had run out of things to fix on my house, yard, and cars, so I went looking for other projects.

  • I wanted to start building a stash of liquid fuck-you / bug-out money that the wife doesn’t know about just in case I needed to quickly retain a lawyer or put a deposit on an alternate abode. I started clearing out my basement of surplus hobby gear and shit that I hadn’t touched since my last move, 2.5 years ago. I sold what I could on CL and donated the rest. I did the same with my garage. Then I went through my closet and donated everything but my favorite weeks’ worth of clothes (and specialty/seasonal items).

I REALLY like fireworks so I bought a SHITLOAD of them for July 4th. They’re actually illegal to set off in town, but everyone in my neighborhood does it anyway. My wife rolled her eyes but she watched the show anyway and I could tell she was enjoying my boyish excitement over the event. [RED PILL LESSON] Watch what they do, not what they say.

The sexual milestone this month happened the night I brought home all the fireworks (also her ovulation week…); while I was reading on the couch, she came out of the bedroom wearing a skirt, tanktop, (and no panties), then proceeded to suck then ride me like a stolen bike. This was a milestone because she rarely wears something so classically feminine and it’s even rarer that she “dresses up” for sex. I tried to be calm and dominant; she was receptive to some dirty talk, which she usually isn’t. She repeated this performance a couple days later.

I finally got my first major shit-test the next day. She scraped her car against my truck tire when parking and broke off a piece of her bumper. She came in all pouty and I just laughed about the whole situation. She flipped her pouty attitude to “You think this is so funny. You’re probably thinking ‘that bitch, it serves her right!’”. I just walked away chuckling. She was mad all night and I just did my own thing. The next day I went to the dealership, bought the broken part, popped it on there before coming into the house after work. I didn’t say anything about it but my son noticed it immediately when they went outside. That night, she jumped my bones in bed, I held her down and ate her pussy to cum, then caveman’d her for myself, pulling her hair.

  • I started intentionally initiating right before I had out-of-the house events planned so I could leave when rejected. In hindsight, this may not have been effective conditioning, because I still left whether she fucked or not.

Right as I finished my 12th week of BW routine, I found the deal I wanted on lifting equipment. I set that shit up in my newly-spacious basement, installed the Stronglifts 5x5 app, and got to work. [RED PILL LESSON] LIFT.

End of Month 3:

  • Dread level 3, easing into 4.
  • 6’3, 200 lbs. Body is looking proportionally bigger, but no definition.
  • Diet is clean, I’m gaining weight.
  • Haircut is sharp, clothes are sufficient.
  • Finances are stable and I’m squirlling my F-U money.
  • Read Bang, Day Bang, kept grinding on WISNIFG and Pook
  • Physical “ship” is in order, crew is catching up but still resisting. Both kids are super clingy to Mom any time but bedtime and there’s not much I can do but keep trying to be the fun dad they like to be around.
  • Sex happened 10 times, 4 of which were exceptional and boundary-pushing for my wife. I was rejected 40% of the times I initiated.
  • Social life is still weak. When I go to shows, I only engage with the folks I went there with. I need to branch out. After a gig, I caught some IOI’s from some girls but I hesitated to approach and they left.
  • Game is nonexistent. I don’t really try anything new on my wife and she doesn’t respond to the things I already do.

Month 4

  • Lifting was going great, it was difficult to resist adding weight too quickly in the first few weeks of SL5x5 but I stuck to the program.

  • Game was the name of the uh, game this month. I intentionally increased my “handsyness” with the wife and initiated some stuff like water hose spraying or washcloth snapping fights with my older son that turned flirty when my wife joined. Both of these times, she skipped panties after bedtime.

  • When planning my son’s birthday party, I took an active role and my wife deferred to me to make some choices. This is new. I confidently made my decisions and executed them.

We got my son a pedal bike for his birthday since he’s mastered the balance bike. Teaching my son to ride has been something I’ve looked forward to my whole adult life (maybe a covert contract…). On the first ride, I was guiding and instructing him and things weren’t going perfectly, but they were fine. My wife steps in and tries to override my instructions. I took her aside and said “I’m doing this. It’s my job as a dad to teach my son how to ride.” She got mad and responded “A mom can teach a kid how to ride too! My mom taught my brother.” I calmly said “That’s true, but I’m doing it right now.” [FOGGING AND BROKEN RECORD] She fired off “Well you’re too mean to him” then went to sulk with our younger son. I continued, un-phased.

  • I tried to order a HJ during shark week, got denied, countered with “Oh, you’d rather blow me instead?” and got shut right down.

  • Had sex 11 times this month; 2 of which were exceptional. Sexual milestones were a few new positions, fucking with company in the house, and cumming on her tits (something I’ve wanted but she’s never allowed). My goal is to try one new sexual milestone each month. I don’t ask or discuss each thing, I just go for it. Surprisingly (to me), she has offered no resistance to trying new things. Of course she doesn’t come up with her own new things to try, but that’s not her job- it’s mine.

  • 40% of my initiations were rejected. Usually the morning after I get rejected, I get ready just a little quicker and go to work a little early. Sometimes I stay later. If I get rejected before lifting, I’ll do a few extra sets of curls or something, just to take longer.

  • Our yearly road/camping trip was coming up and I executed all the prep like a Captain.

End of month 4:

  • Solidly in Dread Level 4.
  • 6’3, 204 lb, filling out my clothes pretty well.
  • Read the Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves, still struggling through WISNIFG and Pook
  • Diet is still clean
  • Hobbies are strong- played a lot of gigs with the band and crushed it at the trap range. Built lot of Lego projects with my sons.
  • Parenting is getting stronger.
  • Game with the wife is improving but still a little rough.
  • Social life is still weak. I’ve tried to engage other parents watching my kid’s swimming lesson, but everyone just wants to flick their damn phone.

Month 5

  • I started growing a beard.

  • I’ve started opening all the mail and paying our bills. She still thinks she’s running things because she checks balances every few days (so do I, I just haven’t told her I’m doing it). I haven’t asked for permission to spend money or time on anything since I took the pill.

  • I got a large bonus at work and didn’t tell her. It hit our account and she asked “Whoa, what’s going on with your paycheck?” I just shrugged and said “I got a bonus.” She asked if I was going to tell her about it and I said “meh, you’d find it eventually.”

  • Took our road trip and halfway through, our van broke down on a remote highway. I had prepared for this event and executed the extraction plan like a Captain. I handled the repair and subsequent change of plans with a calm and steady head. My wife and kids still talk about this adventure.

  • I started amping up the banter game with my wife. After building some wood project with my son, I turned to my wife and asked “Does anything else around her need to get nailed?” (Thanks Athol!) One night I invited her over text (from the kitchen) to “Come over. We can Netflix and Chill”. That one turned into a great sex session.

  • I bought a magic wand vibrator and brought it out (without warning) during shark week. No resistance to trying it; she came hard and I busted all over her tits and stomach.

  • Once when I got rejected, she asked for a massage instead. I said “Sure, after we have sex!” She “humphed” and I went to sleep.

  • In general, my wife is a pretty low energy person (around me…). Thanks to a few MRP posts, I’ve started to recognize that I’m boring as fuck too and way too serious. She’s reflecting me.

  • My older kid started school so I’ve been going to school events and looking for opportunities to engage other parents. Turns out, not a lot of dads go to these things and 99% of the moms are fat, sloppy, bossy, and bitchy; not useful for preselection.

End of Month 5:

  • Dread level 4, easing into 5.
  • 6’3, 207 lbs, gains are starting to show.
  • Beard is thick and manly.
  • Diet is clean. I’ve started tracking my sleep to make sure I get 8 hours. Started taking ZMA and it really does make me sleep hard.
  • Game is getting tighter, but I need to bring more energy.
  • Social life is unchanged and still weak.

Month 6:

We took a plane trip to see my extended family. If you read my post Road to Zion, you’ll remember that air travel with my wife and kids was the tipping point and the trough of my beta existence. This time, I instructed my wife to buy the tickets, which hotel to book, and which car to reserve. At the airport, I handled all of our paperwork (and held all four boarding passes), got the kids through security like a boss, and calmly read a book (The Art of War) while my kids went bonkers in the waiting area. On the plane, I was on-the-spot with snacks, toys, and iPad whenever I detected they were about to get bored with the current thing. Since I was expecting this and took it as my job, it was no big deal. [RED PILL LESSON] If you decide to be happy, you can be.

I have had enough of dealing with the questionable reliability of my camping van. I told my wife I was going to sell it, sell my current truck, then buy a bigger truck and a new kind of camper. She was a little apprehensive at first, but I was confident in my plan, and didn’t actually ask her anyway. I cleaned up the van and sold it with little fuss, exactly breaking even other than the money I’d burned on parts to constantly repair it. A couple days later, I got up after dinner and said “I’m going to look at a pickup truck.” I grabbed my keys and checkbook, pecked her cheek, and cheerfully walked out the door. I already knew exactly which truck I wanted, I’d worked some deals over the phone and had quotes from two other dealerships, and just had to make the deal in person at my local place. I handled the negotiation like a boss, paid the price I wanted, and made arrangements to take delivery the next day. I came home, sat down on the couch with my wife and started watching the show with her. She asked “How many trucks do you have now?” so I said “Two.” A few seconds later she asked “were you going to tell me?” I said “Yep, tomorrow when I bring it home.” She just smiled and rolled her eyes. That night she was waiting naked in bed with a candle lit and we fucked all kinds of ways.

We had sex 10 times this month, with a 60% rejection rate. I attributed the increase in rejection to the fact that I was trying out lines and moves I’d read about and was probably not delivering them with the confidence and flow needed to pull them off.

At a show I attended, I was approached and asked to slow-dance by an HB6. She swolested my triceps. After, I chatted with her and her HB8 friend. I wasn’t smooth, but I wasn’t awkward either. Just a light, relaxing conversation with a couple chicks who laughed at my jokes. I shared way too much free information and didn’t get a lot investment from either one of them though.

I’m getting kind of bored with the healthy meals we’ve been cooking; we have maybe 10 or 15 that we rotate each week then repeat. I signed us up for Hello Fresh and Blue Apron (they mail you 2-person quantities of 3 meals each week with prep and recipe instructions. The ingredients are fresh, whole food, and rarely repeat. It costs about $60 per week.) As soon as I did this, my wife started calorie counting.

End of Month 6

  • Dread level 5 but without the clothes.
  • Acting like the Captain.
  • Crushing the weights. 6’3, 206lbs, my thighs and butt are swelling up and making my pants tight, but my waist is shrinking so my belts fit funny.
  • Diet is in line. I’m cooking a lot more of our meals.
  • Read the Art of War, started Mindful Attraction Plan, grinding on WISNIFG and Pook
  • Sexual milestones this month were use of a sex toy and anal fingering.
  • Learning about better Game and trying out some stuff on the wife and others
  • Forcing myself to leave my group in social settings

Month 7

My dominance game is getting better. One night she walked out of the bathroom wearing a thong (which likely would be for sex later), but instead of letting her go put her couch-mode clothes on, I picked her up, put her on the couch, and went straight to sucking tits. I pulled her panties to the side and ate her out, then switched to 69. This went well; she sucked with more enthusiasm than ever and moaned when I came in her mouth (first time in ~4.5 years). I ate her out some more, then I moved her to the bedroom to use my vibrator for a couple more O’s.

Our wedding anniversary was at the beginning of this month. I got her a card that said “I’m glad I picked you” [POWERTALK] and a bag of Skittles. The one time per year when she ever considers wearing lingerie is on our anniversary, and when she does, we’re both super awkward about it. I consciously avoided this (or having sex at all) as a covert contract. This year, she came out in a new outfit that I’d never seen. She was awfully proud that she’d bought it herself but I made things awkward by focusing too much on her outfit and not enough on taking it off. [RED PILL LESSON] Women dress sexy for the man they want to impress. Acting like it’s a treat just shows her that I don’t think I deserve it.

She threw a big ‘ol shit test during shark week. She gets up whenever our boys wake up, which is usually around 6. I stay asleep until about 7 because that’s what it takes to get my 8 hours (also one of the Omega behaviors I need to cut out- the Captain should be the first one on deck). So my wife tells me that we’ll be alternating who gets up early. I STFU, intending to just not do it. The next morning, she kicks me awake at 6 and says “Your turn!” Thinking I was [Agreeing and Amplifying], I said “Awesome! So I’ll see you at 4 to work the last hour of my shift?” She huffed a little but I got up anyway. I set my boys up with breakfast then unloaded the dishwasher and a couple other kitchen chores. I’m not sure if I “passed”, but I didn’t really care. That night, she apologized for making me get up then initiated an enthusiastic HJ. A couple days later, I noticed her doing more chores…

One night I went to hear a band by myself (so I HAD to talk to strangers). I approached and chatted up an HB6 who was VERY receptive to conversation, but I ran out of stuff to say. Later, an older HB5 with nice fake tits approached me, wanting to dance, but we ended up just chatting. When I got home, my wife was sleeping. I was feeling energetic, so I started kinoing her legs and eventually got up to her pussy. She woke up and started moaning, so I ate her out and overtly thumbed her ass while she moaned louder. She thanked me for waking her up. [RED PILL LESSON] I am the prize.

  • Interesting observation: I rarely wake my wife up for sex. Twice now since I’ve been paying attention, I’ve done it and noticed a significant increase in her level of immersion.

About a week later, I initiated again in the evening, didn’t get any response, so I lifted and went to bed. I woke up about 1AM with an erection and started kinoing her legs again, I fingered her pussy and ass, then ate her out to cum. I thought to myself “this is the night.” I kept eating while I lubed up my dick, then went for anal. I was too focused on the task, my erection became weak, and I couldn’t finish the job. She tried to finish me off with her hand but I was done for the night. I chalk this up as a milestone though because I went for it and she didn’t resist. [RED PILL LESSON] Take what you want.

Toward the end of the month, I had been on SL 5x5 for 16 weeks. I had deloaded OHP and squats once each, but wasn’t quite recovering from squats every day. I was getting bigger and stronger for sure, but my physique was very bottom-heavy. Strong is cool and all, but what I wanted for myself was to fucking fill out my shirts. I started researching other programs and decided to try out Wendler’s 5/3/1 Boring But Big.

End of Month: 7

  • Dread Level 6
  • Still crushing the weights, still making gains, knees are suffering- audit my squat form.
  • 6’3, 211 lbs, 18% BF guess based on internet pictures.
  • Diet is still strong, but I’m getting tired of eating 4k calories per day.
  • Finished reading Mindful Attraction Plan, WISNIFG (finally!), and Wendler’s 5/3/1. Pook is on hold until I can get back to it.
  • Hobbies are strong.
  • Social life is getting stronger
  • Game is getting tighter. Abundance is becoming evident.
  • Sex 12 times this month, 3 times were exceptional. 50% rejection rate. Struggling with emotion and immersion.
  • Parenting needs some work; I have some covert contracts about how I think my kids should act and respond to my corrections, especially in public and at restaurants.

Continued in comments

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Post Information
Title [Epic FR] 12 Months of MAP Progress
Author 2gunsgetsome
Upvotes 140
Comments 74
Date April 19, 2016 7:41 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/epic-fr-12-months-of-map-progress.200085
https://theredarchive.com/post/200085
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4fjczw/epic_fr_12_months_of_map_progress/
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[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 17 points18 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Month 8

  • Boring But Big is definitely effective. All parts of me gained some size and I hit my peak weight of 212 lbs.
  • I’m sick of feeling sick from eating so much food so I’m going to cut, even though I’m just one month into the program.
  • I ate at maintenance for the last two weeks of the month. I got a bio-impedance scale for Christmas and confirmed my BF% is ~18 like I thought. I know those things aren’t known for their accuracy, but it’ll at least show me the trend when I start cutting.
  • One morning, my wife asks “are you working out so much so you’ll have to buy new clothes?” I [A&A] with “Totally. I’m gonna be bustin’ out the seams!”

  • I really enjoy eating oysters, so I decided to become a connoisseur. I bought an oyster knife and a book about all the different types. I went to the local fresh seafood market every couple weeks and picked up a couple different kinds to try.

I’ve noticed that I’m finding my wife less attractive lately. I thought it might be a late-breaking anger phase or the fabled “Apathy Phase”. I didn’t have a ton of non-family social events this month so maybe my abundance mentality wasn’t as strong. After some thought, I realized I was upset that after 8 months, she still wasn’t spending any energy on her “girl game”; she was just passively enjoying my improvements. Huge [COVERT CONTRACT] I reaffirmed to myself that I only control myself and she will only do what she wants to do.

  • I read the Yareally (sp?) article about Jimmy Deen’s dominance moves and started trying some. That’s some real gold right there.
  • Went for anal again, still didn’t relax her enough to get it actually in. Came in her mouth a few more times this month.

At some point this month, she was sitting on the couch (TV and phone…) as I was tidying the house or something after the kids were in bed. She asked “How’s life? How’s work? We never talk anymore.” I smiled and said “Life is good, work is busy.” then went back to cleaning. Clue said she had just started shark week so she could have wanted some comfort, IDK.

Mother-in-law came into town and I wanted to take the wife on a date to the local fancy oyster bar. I wouldn’t tell her where we were going and she started getting pissy and shit-testy about it once we were in the truck on the way there. “This is just a control thing for you, isn’t it?” I tried to pressure flip with “Don’t you trust me to take you somewhere awesome?” (while smirking). She wouldn’t let it go, so I told her we were going to Taco Bell. She ended up enjoying the meal and the experience, but trouble was brewing…

A couple nights later, I tried the same move (leave the boys with MIL, take the wife to dinner).

Main Event?

I had already said earlier in the week where I would be taking her. She suggested another place; I considered it then decided to go where I wanted.

On the way, she brought up the "internal clock" and how people should get up at the same time every day. I countered with "what about listening to your body and getting the sleep you need?" to which she responded "you should go to bed earlier to compensate for that." Then she brought up how Kid 1 gets up at the same time every day and how she shouldn't have to get up with him all the time. I said "Didn't you just say people should get up at the same time every day?" "Fuck you." [shit test] I chuckled and said "Well that escallated quickly." [AM].

She slammed into "we never talk anymore", I said "I thought we were playing the 'who can stay quiet the longest game' [AA], she starts crying, "Why won't you just say you'll get up with him?" I responded "I'm not going to make promises while you're coercing me with tears or badgering me into it."

She said she "understands that dealing with the kids is her 'job', but she just wants to sleep in once in a while." I said "I understand you want to sleep in [fog], but I'm not going to promise that under this pressure [broken record]."

At this point, the parking lot is so busy that we can't park, so I say "we'll go to the other place" and start driving there. She starts talking about power struggle and counseling to which I said "It is about power, and I'm not going to counseling." During all of this, I did a lot of pressure flip / negative inquiry. She started picking up on it and called me out for using psychiatrist talk and not actually contributing any information. Takes off her seatbelt, says she's nauseous. I smirk at this tantrum [going for AM], she freaks out about it.

She said "I don't want a divorce but I'm not happy. What do you want?" I said "I don't want a divorce but here's my vision: (explained capitain / FO relationship)." She says "no no no, I can't be a part of that." She wants to be equal. I explain that I don't want to be an authoritarian, but rather the one taking responsibility. I said "You can make all the tactical decisions you want, but I want you to trust me to make the right strategic decisions for our family."

She kept bringing up me buying my new truck with no input from her "even though it was a good decision". She took the conversation to money and how even though I make it all now, she never demanded to be in charge when she made money too. I clarified that my desire to lead the family had nothing to do with the fact that I currently provide the money. At this point, she said she didn't want to go to dinner so I drove past home (intending to drop her off and go get food for myself), but she wouldn't go in in her current state so I drove to a parking lot.

I revisited the Captain / FO theme and reminded her that the Captain takes input and consultation from the FO and even though he has veto power, he knows the well-being of the crew is the captain's responsibility and must use extreme discretion if exercising that power. She seemed to be on board with this but still can't get over not being "equal". So I said, "I'm fine with equal, as long as it's understood that equal doesn't mean 'the same'" and explained my intention to be THE masculine role model for our sons. She said she wants to be an "empowered woman", I said of course it was her choice to do that, She can do what she wants, but now she knows how I intend to act. Did some [broken record] in here too. We agreed that we needed food so I drove to her suggested restaurant (found that it was closed) and drove on to one we both like.

I never brought up sex or respect, but I had to hold my tongue a few times. I kept very cool the whole time, but after a while my adrenalin was up and my legs started shaking. We arrived at the restaurant, got out, hugged and kissed. While walking from the truck, she muttered "I feel insecure in the relationship because I don't contribute financially". I said "There are lots of other ways you can contribute." I wished this topic had come up earlier and I could have pulled that thread, but it probably would have turned into hamstering about how the kids make doing chores hard for her.

We ate dinner and acted civil.

Went home, she armored up with blankets to watch crap TV and scroll her phone. I took a shower, got out, put on underwear, and kissed her goodnight. She seemed surprised, finished watching her show and eventually came to bed. She wore same (ugly) panties from the day and her usual night shirt. I initiated sex by kissing, kinoing her legs and torso, and pulling off her panties. She was wet in the usual way when I fingered her, but her pubes were extra crusty like she'd been wet previously (maybe aroused by the drama?). She seemed to enjoy the sex, but didn't seem particularly enthusiastic.

After sex, she said "I'm glad we talked, I understand a little more, but I still don't think we're on the same page." I said "Well, at least we're good at sex." [AA?]

I started researching Red Pill tactics for dealing with marriage counseling and discovered the book “First Kill All the Marriage Counselors”. I ordered a hard copy and also downloaded it to my phone. I also found a fantastic discussion on the MMSL forum about translating Manosphere jargon into psychologist-speak.

We had a couple really great sex sessions in a row (ovulation week) so each morning after, I did get up with the kids as an effort to reward her behavior.

A couple days after that, she mentioned that she’s still scared of me wanting to be The Captain. Since she was communicating overtly, I decided to play along. She said "I wondered where it was all coming from. I noticed a change in your attitude and behavior. Where did you find this stuff?" I said "The internet. I was searching for a solution to some frustration I was feeling. I realized I'd been too passive in our relationship and decided to change what I control, which is myself. In the past few months, I've been reading about masculine self-improvement. (I handed her FKATMC) This is the feminine counterpart to some of the things I've been implementing. Give it a read and try it out if you decide you want to." She agreed to read the book. She wants to read what I've been reading "so she knows what's happening" and I know this is control she doesn't want to release. I'll showed her NMMNG and MMSLP and I've flagged the chapter about Captain / FO. We'll see what happens, I broke the first rule of Fight Club, I know…, but I actually am OI about our marriage at this point. A couple days later, she gave the books back and told me she “gets it.”

Awesome sex followed later that night, could it be that she heard that I've been thinking about marriage problems for months and finally felt some dread?

(continued...)

[–]killingblueme6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

When I read the bit about your wife wanting an "equal" relationship, it set me off.

The problem with equality is that it doesn't work in a relationship unless everything is actually equal (same pay, same lifestyle, etc) AND you are both working from the same "table of values".

Equality implies (demands) measurement to make sure things stay equal...but how do you do that? What if you value something more than someone else? Who makes the tie breaker decisions? "Equal" relationships usually devolve into both partners fighting over the 1% they need to carry the vote (51% vs 49%)...and then suddenly you are not very equal.

And how do you measure it? For things to be truly equal, you have to work from the same table of values. Basically, everything has value to someone, somethings are more valuable to some than others. I may want a sports car, my wife may not. I may like to try and visit an exotic Asian country, my wife may want to lay on a beach. I spend $1, so my wife gets to spend $1. I value sex and my wife values conversation...name your stereotypical things, there are going to be differences. And if each party adopts a "common" table of value, then guess what, everyone looses because you give up too much or get too little in the name of an equality which is forced on you.

In an "equal" relationship, it becomes a bargaining exchange: my vacation this year, yours next, but yours costs more, so I get something else to compensate, etc. But the bargain requires that both parties are using the same table of values, and let's face it, we don't. And if we don't get what we want, we are hurt because it isn't "equal". We may on the surface proclaim "equality" and advertise that we value things the same but we don't. And then we bargain and play the game and try and get our spouse to adopt OUR table of values so that we win more than we loose. The name of equality is competition, dishonesty (fibbing about what is valuable to you), selfishness and coercion.

Whenever I hear someone (usually a wife) say that they want an "equal" partnership, what I hear is that they want a partnership that is equal for them, not necessarily equal for you....IF you work from their table of values, then it is equal, but the minute you want to adjust that table, tough shit baby. Beta men have abdicated everything on their table of values and now have to fight to get some back....it floors it shouldn't surprise me that the first response from their woman is that it isn't fair, as if what has been going on for years before has been "fair". Some people are just more equal than others I guess.

What people really need is an equitable relationship. This allows both parties to retain (and respect!) their own personal table of values that the partners choose to either honor for each other or adapt to each other. There is no end of the day measurement of whether everyone did the same number of chores or earned/spent the same amount of money. Equitable relationships are built on honesty, sacrifice, standing up for self and respect (for yourself and your partner).

Equality has no place in marriage which is an equitable partnership.

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

What people really need is an equitable relationship. This allows both parties to retain (and respect!) their own personal table of values that the partners choose to either honor for each other or adapt to each other. There is no end of the day measurement of whether everyone did the same number of chores or earned/spent the same amount of money. Equitable relationships are built on honesty, sacrifice, standing up for self and respect (for yourself and your partner).

Thanks for this. I think this is what my wife meant when she brought up equality during our Main Event. I know it's what I interpreted when I agreed to it, but these weren't the words we used.

I'm going to steal your words and keep them in the chamber for the next time we "talk".

[–]killingblueme0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

No, I actually think she meant "equality" as in "equal". When a wife pulls that one out, in many cases she is trying to restore her old equilibrium not try and find an equitable solution. Context from your writing says she meant the word as she used it.

My point would be that the word "equal" is a politically correct word to use but it then drives us towards unhealthy and unsustainable relationships. We should be talking about equitable not equal, but the overuse of the word "equal" has tainted a lot of minds in the process.

She didn't mean "equitable"....but you can lead her there.

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Roger that. I unplug a bit more each day.

[–]lionmenden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"I want to be equal"

"Oh thank god, so you're going to start earning the same salary as me so I don't have to continue to be solely responsible for the family financially? No? But equal means "the same". If you're not contributing the same money, we can't be equal. Likewise, I'm not going to be able to birth and breastfeed the kids. I think what you're saying is you want to be treated fairly, not the same."

Equitable means fair, not equal.

[–]Persaeus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This last sentence really struck me as odd.

could it be that she heard that I've been thinking about marriage problems for months and finally felt some dread?

IMO, she has been feeling passive dread since the first week you started and the passive dread has increased steadily as evidence by her increasing sexual response. Like my wife, yours appears to have some frame and does not collapse into a blubbering mess at the first feeling of dread. IMO, this is conscious application of her frame in order to maintain power.

I agree all this overt talk finally broke her frame.

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 16 points17 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Thoughts on FKATMC:

I read the whole thing before giving it to my wife. There’s lots of good stuff in there. Even though it's a feminine book, I find myself identifying with many of the "controlling" mannerisms which helps me realize ways in which I've been feminized and have been behaving. I also identified my wife's behavior in most of the examples, which clarifies just how passive I allowed myself to be in our relationship. The concepts in this book seem like they'd be well received by a woman who is actively looking for something to do about her man who has checked out. The actions required of a resistive woman though, are probably too introspective to be seen as something other than criticism.

Back to my MAP…

End of Month 8:

  • Dread Level 6, dabbling in level 7
  • Lifting 4 nights per week now, 6’3, weight leveled out at 207 lbs, 18% BF. I look jacked in clothes, puffy when I’m naked.
  • Read FKATMC, started reading Models. Reading a lot on the web about cutting diet.
  • Diet is still clean, macros are still 40/40/20.
  • Had sex 12 times, 3 were exceptional, 20% rejection. My benchmark for exceptional sex is much higher than it was when I started my MAP.
  • Significant increase in shit-testing this month. Both her mom and my mom were around so she may have been trying to impress the herd. That or she’s rising out of her indifference state and starting to feel something.
  • Hobbies and social life were weak this month due to frequent holiday events.
  • Parenting still needs some work.

Month 9

  • Started cutting. Going for -1 lb per week, but lost a lot of water weight in the first few weeks.
  • My wife is definitely doing more chores.
  • Immersion during sex is still a struggle and the frequency still feels metered.
  • I’ve increased my social outings to one thing per week in addition to twice weekly band practice. Each time out, I approach 2-3 women. I’m not getting rejected which makes me think I’m not being bold enough or escalating. It’s just conversation at this point though, so really I’m just beating down the initial fear to approach.
  • Shit-testing is increasing. Here’s a couple gems:

Test 1

The house was a mess when I got home, I said nothing and just cleaned it all up. She said "no, stop, it makes me feel bad." I ignored that. Kiss and kino as I was warming up to lift, she was receptive. Said "Ill see you in a bit…". Finished lifting, showered, she was in blanket mode scrolling her phone and unresponsive. I sat down for a sec, then said "I'm heading to bed. She got pissy and I said "haha, I'm not going to just sit here while you scroll your phone." She says "what you don't like TV anymore? We never just hang out and talk. I know I was on my phone right then, but...". I ignored all this and went to lie in bed. She eventually came in and said "My book says I'm not supposed to talk to you about this, just to 'exude whatever energy' and you'll be 'drawn to me'". I said "I know what you can 'exude'" [A&A]. Some more hamstering about how my schedule is "kids in bed, workout, sex, sleep." I STFU. Eventually she snuggles up and we fuck. After, I said "Good talk." She said "Mmm, I like our talks."

Test 2

Her hobby is gardening. I am not involved. Our current garden beds are disintegrating, spilling out from the bottom, and full of weeds. I don't like looking at them when I walk past every day.

Me: "I'm going to dig out and rebuild the garden beds in the front yard."

Her: "we don't need to dig deep or build strong, or whatever. There's no reason to build them as nice as the (old house) beds. That cost a couple hundred dollars and we don't need to dump money into a house we're renting."

Me: "No reason other than that's the way I want to build them."

Her: (off in a huff) followed me around angrily saying "You can build whatever you want. You obviously have a vision and I should just let you do it. My book says I'm supposed to just let you do whatever you want and say (with a sarcastic fake smile) 'Thank you honey!'"

me: Chuckle, grab my keys, hug everyone good bye, and went to work. On Sunday.

It was my fault for even bringing it up ahead of time. I knew this and still didn’t stop myself from talking to her about it. I should have just done the project. She initiated sex later and it was pretty good. Go figure…

End of Month 9:

  • Dread Level 6-7
  • 6’3, 200 lbs, 15.5% BF. Lifts are still going up, even on the cut.
  • Work got busy so I dropped my lunchtime reading habit. Didn’t finish any books this month.
  • Hobbies are strong. I could probably still use more. When the weather warms up, I’ll bring my motorcycle out of hibernation.
  • Social life is increasing. I really need to make some friends outside the music scene and some friends that I just hang out with casually. I’ve been having some Red-pill-esq conversations with one of my coworkers (without actually saying the words Red or Pill). We talk about game and whatnot. He crushes Tinder.
  • My style needs an upgrade.

(continued)

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think it's been said before, but you pointing out where you see the lessons in your example is amazing. It's a level of detail in self awareness that really gives some great context here

[–]KyfhoMyoba2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She said "no, stop, it makes me feel bad." I ignored that.

Better: "You should." (make a face while gesturing toward the mess, as in WTF?)

[–]1v1crown1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Man I am loving this read so far. Just want to interject that I think letting your wife in on your reading was a bad choice and it seems like its backfiring. Once she saw through the curtains it takes away the mystery and probably just seems silly to her now. But still, great read and great progress well done

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 15 points16 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

Month 11

I’m actually feeling a bit indifferent toward sex this month. I increased my social events again and I’m now going out alone more often than not. Every time I go out, I open 3-4 strangers (or groups) for conversation. I frequently go to a bar that features live country music and dancing. My mission is to enjoy the band, but I always take the opportunity to dance with women I find attractive. I’ve noticed (starting about midway through last month) that I usually get approached before I can acquire a target. I walk in, scan the room on my way to the bar, get my drink, and then start to look for targets of opportunity. Nearly every time now, before I’ve selected someone to approach (I’m talking about maybe 10-20 seconds), some girl walks up and says “Hi! Are you here to dance?” or something. Generally, these women are HB6-7 and around 30. This is a new experience for me and very much solidifies my abundance mentality. [BE ATTRACTIVE, DON’T BE UNATTRACTIVE] More on this later.

  • At a family-style event with some friends, two of my coworkers’ wives were chatting and asked me if I’d gotten taller. My wife chimed in and said “No, he’s been lifting weights.” [PRESELECTION]

  • Cut and lifting is going well. I had to reset all my lifts after peaking at actual 1RM of 130 (OHP), 200 (BP), 275 (Squat), and 315 (DL).

  • No sexual milestones this month, but the status quo is now sex every other day, 2-3 positions each session, and lots of variety. Nothing particularly kinky, and I lead 90% of the interactions. Every so often, my wife will ask for a particular move and I’ll gladly oblige. I tried a few new methods of initiating and had some success.

  • My sons and I knocked out the garden bed project I mentioned earlier. I built them exactly how I wanted and I’m very happy with the outcome. My wife thanked me for building them “for her”, and I didn’t correct her that I had really done it for myself.

  • I made our tax prep appointment, gathered all the documents, and handled everything like a basic adult, never asking permission, just doing it. My wife was a little flustered as we were leaving for the appointment, nervous because in the past she’d been responsible for gathering documents. I said “Hey. Relax. I’ve got this handled.” [AMUSED MASTERY] She sputtered a little but then let it go easier than I thought she would.

  • I modernized my haircut a bit, close-clippering the short side right up to the part. I shaved my beard.

  • I’m having some cognitive dissonance thoughts: I like a clean house / kitchen / yard. I clean / fix for myself (no covert contract). How do I execute those tasks without appearing Beta? Do I even care?

End of Month 11

  • Solidly in Dread Level 7
  • 6’3, 190 lbs, 13.2% BF. I look fucking sharp in my tailored clothes. Naked, I look smaller and I still don’t have the definition I want from the cut.
  • Diet is clean and consistent. I’ve cut out alcohol completely except 1-2 drinks per social outing. I’ve switched to sippin’ whiskey in the name of lower calories.
  • Still reading Pook and Models, but my job has been demanding my lunchtime attention. I need to restart this habit. I’ve been reading more MRP and TRP instead of books.
  • Sex happened 10 times this month with nothing exceptional either direction. 30% rejection rate.
  • Social life and hobbies are strong.
  • Daily dog walks are paying off- they have a lot less nervous energy.
  • Parenting felt weak this month; it takes extreme effort to remain cool when my sons go bonkers in the evenings after not napping. My older son is constantly showing negative attention-seeking behavior and I’m trying a variety of tactics to deal with it.

Month 12

  • Lots of posting on MRP this month about vision made me realize that I have no fucking vision for my life. I’ve been intentionally living in the present for the last year and while that’s been effective training for putting myself first, but I don’t have a goal for which to lead my family. This is going to the top of my list of shit to figure out.

  • My Game took a huge jump this month and I have some more detailed journal entries that I intend to turn into FR posts. I’ve been getting some serious interest (and even some overt offers) from women on my social outings and have started to number-close them. Pussy is off the pedestal; if it’s just sex I want, I can get it with very little effort, from attractive and enthusiastic women. I’ve started to be more selective in my approach targets, going for sub-30 years old and HB7+.

  • One of my long-time friends came into town for work. He’s divorced, spinning plates, and loving life. I highly suspect he’s a student of TRP but I’ve never explicitly confirmed it. We went out and had a blast, crushing some wing-man game at my favorite country bar.

  • I’ve made a few daytime approaches, but there just aren’t that many attractive women wandering around in the part of town where I go for my errands.

  • Preselection that my wife can observe is still very low. I don’t game her friends because, frankly, they’re not attractive. She isn’t interested in live music so she rarely joins me at those outings. I don’t really want to force this element because I think she would catch on and suddenly I’d be “trying hard to get sex” again.

  • One of the last Omega behaviors I wanted to eliminate was sleeping in later than my crew. Beginning this month, I set my alarm, got up first, and did my dog walk. The damndest thing: now my wife shit-tests me for waking up before everyone else! I just ignore this and do what I want. I’m able to be quiet enough while getting out of the house that no one gets disturbed.

  • My style upgrade is complete; I’ve been eyeballing some Allen Edmonds McAllisters in Walnut for a couple months but just didn’t want to spend the money. They went on sale this month and I pulled the trigger on a pair and a matching belt. With dark jeans or chinos, these are the bitchen-ist shoes a man can wear. Wife threw a brief shit-test about the cost when they showed up (she could tell they weren’t a $50 pair of shoes…) but I swatted that away with “Chill out. I’m worth it.” [AMUSED MASTRY] Minutes later she apologized, agreed that the shoes are indeed bitchen, and sex was had that night.

  • I cleaned out and donated everything in my closet except my current, cohesive wardrobe.

  • If the weather holds, my motorcycle is coming out of hibernation this weekend.

Approaching One Year of Red Pill Living:

Current stats:

  • 35 years old
  • 6’3, 182 lbs, 11.8% BF. Can’t see my abs yet, but I’m starting to see some definition. I feel healthy as fuck.
  • Hygiene has always been solid, it still is.
  • Style is sharp as fuck.
  • Finances have always been solid, now I generally control them. Liquid Fuck-you money is stashed.
  • Career is on a steady upward slope, has been for years. I’ve stopped drawing attention to raises and bonuses and I NEVER complain about work at home. I make my accomplishments look effortless.
  • Social life is steadily improving; I know which areas I want to grow.
  • Game is suddenly very easy for me. I need to make sure I don’t turn into a dick. I need to improve my banter with my wife; all of our conversations tend to be on the logistical and serious side and I want to be more fun. I’m handling the rare shit-test with ease, but I could improve by using tactics other than “ignore”.
  • Holding for now at Dread Level 7. If other women approach me in front of my wife, that’ll be a natural transition to Level 8, but I’m not going to force it.
  • Captain-style parenting is still not strong, but it’s improving.
  • Sex with my wife is steady and slowly increasing in quality. Her behavior is markedly more respectful than a year ago. I still struggle with the Emotion and Immersion elements of the SGM.

The MAP is never finished…

P.S. I don't intend to make a habit of posting this much at once.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pretty inspiring.

(and congrats on the shoes -- I'm an AE junkie, and my Walnut McAllisters are my favorite pair)

[–]Redneck0011 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm actually feeling a bit indifferent toward sex this month.

I would guess that's your libido fading while cutting. When you start eating you're calories back, your test will increase, and you'll be good to go.

[–]massimoliani0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy Link

Again a solid read.

I think kids are the harder part to get a hold of, than the missus. I still flip my shit at times, but it sure happens less and less.

Bit weird that you're not defined yet, but I guess it's down to genetics. Didn't look up your program, but are you doing anything to your core, other than squatting and such? Small abs aren't pretty, when your pecs belong on the set of Baywatch.

As for the shoes, they do feel great. I don't wear your particular choice, but I've only worn Oxford's the last 16 years (Always Oxford, never brogues). No going back. Your answer to your wife on them is perfect.

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Bit weird that you're not defined yet, but I guess it's down to genetics. Didn't look up your program, but are you doing anything to your core, other than squatting and such?

I do ab wheel, and hanging leg raises. They're under there, there's just a saucer-sized last little bit of belly fat that needs to go...

I think the real reason is that my BI scale is lying and I'm really just north of 12%.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

my BI scale is lying and I'm really just north of 12%

You've got it. They're not that accurate. FWIW attractiveness is rated maximum at BF ~12% in studies. Below 10% is appealing to some women, but most prefer 10-15%. The ideal is to build the body that you want - this is just more calibration.
 
The formatting was much better here than in your victim puke.

[–]IASGame1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Other than actually measuring it under water, is there an heuristic way to know which side of 12% one is?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

Broscience: Someone who is putting up decent numbers in the compound lifts will usually see some abs in favorable lighting around 12%, unless they're bloated for other reasons.
 
Real science: calipers by an experienced person are pretty accurate.
 
Gold standard: DEXA

[–]Redneck0011 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

AccuFitness calipers are cheap and easy to use yourself. I go for the 3 point vs 7 point (because it's easier to do yourself).

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

You might be interested in this summary of 3-site skinfold thickness measurements. Performance is pretty good, but technique is still an issue. If your measurements are repeatable, though, then it's a good way to track progress, even though the absolute number might not agree with DEXA or other techniques.

[–]Redneck0011 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Interesting study.

Here's the thing, if you're 25%, yeah, your numbers may come out to +/-8%.

If you're 10%, your self administered pinch will be much more accurate.

That's why I like the Accu Fitness pinchers, they snap tight.

Fuck the cost of Dexa. If you can see your abs, you're lean. If not, you're fat. There, I just saved you $75-$150.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

None of this is news to you, personally - this is more for anyone else reading:
 
It depends on your interpretation of the data from other studies. A measurement difference of a couple of millimeters has a bigger relative impact on your body fat calculation when the thickness is small compared to when it is large, so authors have said that accuracy is better at higher body fat. Obviously you can spin the data different ways, but the bottom line is that the measurement is usually within 5-10% of the real number. In my opinion, that's pretty good since that's the confidence interval, and most of the measurements will be even closer to the real number. I still prefer calipers. If somebody in here wants to get serious about bodybuilding, though, then they may want to know the limits of the tool.
 
Last time I measured was in my early 20s, and I used calipers, BIA, and the US Navy calculator. They all gave the same number. You can combine them, but keep in mind that they are in descending order of accuracy.
 
Agree about DEXA. Even in research they're moving toward ultrasound and infrared.

[–]MRPguy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you can see your abs, you're lean. If not, you're fat.

This. And if it jiggles, it's fat.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I thought they had issue with the range of accuracy

calipers were +-10%, the scales were even worse.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's about right.

[–]IASGame0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I got measured by the impedance method and confirmed that I'm around 15% fat %.

Must have been 18% or so before I started lifting then.

[–]Persaeus0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Redneck001 recommended YOHIMBINE HCl for help with shredding that saucer during cardio-cut. Been using it for three weeks now; and it is definitely helping. Bonus is the stuff also makes your dick harder...win!win! Thanks for the idea on ZMA (I need more/better sleep).

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for the tip. I read his recommendation of that stuff too, shopped for some, but just never bought it. I'll give it a try.

[–]FrogTrainer0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’ve stopped drawing attention to raises and bonuses and I NEVER complain about work at home.

Really? i used to do this, and once I became RP I would take any raise or bonus as a bragging opportunity. Talk yourself up at home, the wife should eat it up.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Bragging = seeking validation. I sometimes get large bonuses. Wife likes the money, sure, but it never did anything to increase my attractiveness in her eyes. Better strategy (for me, anyway) is to act like its no big deal. Let her find out on her own, and then be impressed that it's so routine for you that you didn't even bother to mention it.

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

^ this.

[–]in_monk_mode0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

These posts are pure gold. Nice to see RP theory put in practice.

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 15 points16 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Month 10

  • The increased shit-testing is about to turn into overt disrespect instead of simple lack of respect.

When I got home one day, the house was a mess and there were dishes from the day in the kitchen. I jumped in and did the dishes with no comments. She came in and said "I can tell you're mad that the house is a mess." I wasn't and hadn't said anything so I can assume she was feeling guilty and projecting.

[Shit test]

In the past I have explicitly said I want to set the example to our sons of adults acting polite and courteous to each other by both she and I saying "please" when asking for action from the other.

When I finished lifting, I came up and she was on the couch in blanket mode. I made my protien shake and came in to sit down. Before I did, she said "Will you go get my water?" I looked her and raised an eyebrow. She flipped out and said "PLEASE! OMG." As I went to get her water off the table, she defended with "The whole time you were in the kitchen, I said to myself that I needed to say 'please'." I STFU and handed her her water. She then said "No thank you, honey!" in a snarky tone. I shrugged and put the water on the table, then drank my shake. She flipped out again saying "I THOUGHT IT IN MY HEAD that I needed to say please! OMG, I'm literally sick.” I continued to STFU, finished my shake and got up to go shower.

I showered and thought about what had happened and convinced myself that I was not worried about her feelings, how her actions didn't align with her words, and how I judged my own actions to be right on the grounds that I had defended a boundary which I had previously defined overtly. Therefore, the interaction occurred in my frame. I wasn't attempting to control her directly, I was basing my response on her actions (if she said please, I'd get her the water, if she didn't, I wouldn't). I went to bed (she was already there) and kissed her with no intention of initiating sex. She did her "Goodnight!" initiation prevention and I went to sleep. It did take me a little while to calm my own thoughts.

In the morning, I wasn't overly cheerful, but I did hug and kiss her goodbye and didn't mention anything. I mostly ignored her the next evening.

The day after that, I was showering in the morning, she set the kids up with a TV show and joined me in the shower. I’m calling this a milestone because we’ve never had sex while the kids were awake. She took it on herself to create the distraction and initiate the encounter.

  • We took a trip with my wife’s family to a theme park in CA. Nothing particularly eventful happened. I wanted to take this trip too, but she planned the trip but asked for my approval of most of the strategic decisions. Toward the end, I still felt a [covert contract] creep in when my wife and kids never showed appreciation for spending my money on this event. I recognized it and stopped it, but I need to nip these earlier.

  • I read /u/BluepillProfessor ‘s book while relaxing on the beach. Great stuff!

  • I got another bonus at work so it was new wardrobe time. I went (by myself) and picked up a bunch of new stylish jeans, chinos, and a few button-down shirts. This shit looks fucking sharp. I might strut too much in my new threads, but I don’t care. I already have quite a few nice shirts, but they’re all just a little too baggy, so I took them to a tailor to be slimmed and darted. My Red Wing work boots are passible for now, but I bought a new pair of western boots that are a little less flashy than my stage boots for wearing casually.

  • Wife didn’t mention anything about the new look, other than “Mmm. Nice!” That night, I initiated some kino and she was all about it. I put my dick in her face and she went to town. A few times, I went to pull it out and fuck her instead, but she grabbed my ass and held on. I liked it, so I came in her mouth. Her pussy was amazingly wet while sucking my dick.

  • Three days later, my kids were a serious PITA in the evening but I stayed jovial and got them to bed. Came out and found the wife topless on our bed. I jumped in and escalated. I pulled her panties off and started to eat her pussy, she pulled my dick into her mouth for a long 69 session. I fingered her pussy and ass and said “I’m in all your holes right now.” She lubed up my dick and asked if I wanted to try anal one more time. I played it pretty cool and just said “sure…” We got my dick in there, maybe a couple inches, but she was in pain and couldn’t take it when I moved or squeezed my erection. I pulled out, washed off, then pounded her missionary until we both came hard. I whispered in her ear how I liked her mixing sexy and slutty. This was one of the first full DEVI experiences.

  • I went to a show by myself. Initiated conversation with an HB5 in front of her BF, lots of smiles and eye-contact, she "bumped" me a few times while standing. Another HB6 hovered near me toward the end of the show, I initiated conversation after- strong IOIs, she touched my arm when laughing, kino’d my arm and back some more, took my “I’m in a band” bait and looked us up on FB. I should have kino'd her back and gone for her number.

  • At work, I’ve always been treated like a peer by the older guys. I’ve noticed (especially after upgrading my style), that many of the younger guys are now treating me like an “older brother” type mentor. In the last month, I’ve had a lot more conversations about life choices as opposed to technical advice.

  • I’ve started researching alimony and child support laws in my state. It isn’t a goal of mine to get divorced, but it’s just stupid to not know about the potential outcome and become familiar with the process.

End of Month 10:

  • Completed Dread Level 5, currently in Level 7. Probably going to hang here a while.
  • 6’3, 194 lbs, 14% BF
  • Still haven’t had to deload lifts, but shit’s getting heavy while cutting.
  • I started walking my dogs for a mile every morning before eating or going to work. They like it and so do I. It’s good time to be alone with my thoughts.
  • Read BPP’s book, Picked up on Pook again.
  • Had sex 8 times this month; only one quality session. I abruptly lowered my initiation rate but not consciously.
  • Hobbies are strong. It’s been too rainy to shoot trap.
  • Social life is strong, but needs to be excellent. I need to start meeting neighbors and daytime randoms.
  • Game with the wife has cooled off a little.
  • Finances are solid. I sold my dormant project car. When my boys are a little older and interested in participating, I’ll buy another project. But for now, this completed my liquid fuck-you money stash.

(continued)

[–]KyfhoMyoba5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We got my dick in there, maybe a couple inches, but she was in pain and couldn’t take it when I moved or squeezed my erection.

Here's the trick: Have her push out/bear down while you are going in, stay in for 5-10 seconds, with her continuing to push/bear down. Pull out, with her pushing/bearing down. As soon as you are out, tell her to clench shut. Have her squeeze and relax several times. You may need to do this cycle one more time. After that, you will probably be able to rail away at your own pace. Doggy or spoon is great as you can hit her g-spot. You might want to reach around and press with the palm of your hand above her mound/pubic bone. Her orgasm will probably take longer this way, but will (if it does come) be more intense and long lasting.

You're welcome.

[–]ChngChek1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The first simple action of tucking in the shirt made me smile. Fantastic write up, thanks for the detail.

[–]abdada0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

Interested in how you calculated the liquid fuck-you money stash for yourself. Based on what? Months of living alone? Security deposit?

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

After researching typical alimony and CS payments in my state, I figured what my remaining income might be and shopped for apartments that I could afford, knowing my own basic expenses. Deposits are typically = one month rent around here, so my FU fund was 2 months rent + $1k for a lawyer retainer.

I have a $20k credit card that's only in my name that I would use for expenses until I could regain access to my share of joint funds.

I keep a "bug-out" folder at work with copies of bank and investment docs, birth certs, and my truck title. In all fairness, I've done this for years just in case my house caught fire.

[–]abdada2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sounds good to me. When I had to bug-out on my marriage (which was strictly based on my physically abusive wife who tried to killed me one time), I luckily had about 1.5 years of bug-out funds held in a trust with my attorney. They were funds for a corporate trust whose sole purpose was to hire me in the event of a problem. So I walked out the door, got "hired" and was covered.

The bug out funds were enough for me to get through the mess, but I wish I had know about MRP in 15 years ago and had planned things better.

Excellent diary posts and this is all a fantastic resource for a lot of guys who are 8 months behind you. Thanks for sharing.

If you create a Bitcoin wallet, I'm flipping you a tip. Actually, have 3 red pills on me /u/changetip

[–]changetip1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

/u/2gunsgetsome, abdada wants to send you a tip for 3 red pills (1,377 bits/$0.60). Follow me to collect it.

Bonus: 3 red pills GIF

what is ChangeTip?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

That's a pretty well thought out emergency destruction toolkit

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just knowing my chute is packed helps me stay cool any time I feel any friction at home.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I had one myself (it's in my early comment history) And it's not emphasized enough how great it is to pursue your MAP with single minded focus.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I can't even think of an adjective to describe the level of detail in your record keeping.

[–]Leastohm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup, good start for a novel. Well done all around.

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Funny you mention that. As I was compiling this, I thought to myself that a goal I need to work toward is to stop recording every damn thing and just live. That's when I'll be Making It instead of Faking It.

[–]Sapphire_Jizz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Amazing FR. Very inspiring. This belongs on the wiki.

Looking forward to more FR's and thoughts. Cheers.

[–]PurpleVeteran1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

That's great stuff, definitely an epic FR in all senses of the word.

Two questions:

  • Do you have the link for the YaReally James Deen article?
  • Do you think FKATMC helped more than hurt, given your wife's comments about it later?

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Do you have the link for the YaReally James Deen article?

/u/BluepillProfessor posted about it a few months ago

Do you think FKATMC helped more than hurt, given your wife's comments about it later?

I don't know... She hasn't finished the book even though she reads other books constantly. She (like anyone) will only do what she actually wants to do, so it's on her to receive the information I offered.

Having read the book myself, I picked up on a few instances of her applying the "moves". But as you mentioned, she has pitched out a few snarky comments based on incomplete comprehension of the macro concepts. If she EVER drops the "C" word again, I'm going to call her bluff by asking if she finished the book.

[–]ThatPlayaKilo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dang, the YaReally article seems to have been taken down.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Awesome post. One thing that comes through is how much easier things are when you expand the circle of concern beyond just your wife. I found myself reading and sort of skimming over the stuff about the LTR because I wanted to find out more about all the other cool shit you've got going on in your life - which is exactly the dynamic you want.

If I had one criticism in an otherwise amazing post, it's that by waiting a full year before posting and then editing it all together, you sort of lose any sense that you ever really had any dark nights of the soul, or any dead ends or blind alleys. It's just a straight line to success. Maybe that's actually how it was for you. . . .

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One thing that comes through is how much easier things are when you expand the circle of concern beyond just your wife. I found myself reading and sort of skimming over the stuff about the LTR because I wanted to find out more about all the other cool shit you've got going on in your life - which is exactly the dynamic you want.

Yes. Exactly this. "Falling in love with myself" was essentially how I broke my oneitis and knocked pussy off the pedestal.

had any dark nights of the soul, or any dead ends or blind alleys. It's just a straight line to success.

My path so far hasn't been at all straight, but I don't think of this game as a maze, more like a Plinko board. So no dead-ends, just alternate paths. (So far) I've never felt any massive discouragement. Even if I feel like I tried something that didn't work (and I tried lots...) I just reminded myself that this entire effort is for me, and me alone. If I didn't like the way something turned out, I just needed to try something different. Luckily we have MRP and a shit-load of great books to source ideas.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for bringing his up. While it's always great to revel in other ppl success, seeing the dark reality many of us go through helps reinforce that hear aren't isolated situations. We all have the dark times and as a result it can be constructive to watch how another person navigates them.

[–]Redneck0011 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

"I’m glad I picked you"

Mother fucker! That's my line.

Now that you've lost the easy weight, time to focus on the hard to shed stuff when you're lean.

Great FR, btw

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Mother fucker! That's my line.

Why yes, yes it is! One of the best examples of practical Powertalk I've ever seen.

[–]Redneck0012 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If you like that one, here's my go-to:

Doesn't matter a person's status or station, I usually end every interaction with "I'm glad you got to see me."

That was my Dad's line, and I've inherited and embraced it.

[–]MRPguy0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Doesn't matter a person's status or station, I usually end every interaction with "I'm glad you got to see me."

This may change my life.

[–]Redneck0011 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

MRP...changing mens's lives. One cocky/funny line at a time.

[–]smidevaek0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for these excellent posts, and kudos on your timing with yesterday's post whetting our appetite and then meeting (and exceeding) expectations today!

[–]paulwalkr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

very solid and inspiring post dude.

[–]Persaeus0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Awesome field report. Your a machine and a true engineer. My main lesson from your report is that I am aiming entirely too low. Thanks for that. On the funny side:

Her style of initiating is to lay in the middle of the bed, turn her back to me, and allow me to gently touch her body.

This made me laugh. My wife does the exact same thing, except if it is a hard initiation she will literally throw her ass at me in the process of moving into a spoon position. I can't help but laugh now when she does this.

[–]ReddJive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

My wife does the same thing.

I move in and fall asleep now. But...my circumstances are slightly different then OPs.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Which equipment did you get for your home? Im looking to make a garage gym.

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I bought an entry level squat rack, adjustable bench, an Olympic barbell, and 350# of plates from some kid on CL for $300. I picked up a door-frame pull up bar for another few bucks and I was in business. I picked up some used olympic dumb bell handles a couple months later and my "kids" got me the ab-wheel for Christmas.

It's time to upgrade the squat rack to a power cage for safety though.

[–]kingslayermcnugget0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Somewhere around month 9 you are running into an elevation in shit tests. I'm at the end of month 1, myself. As soon as you feel very confident for dealing with shit tests, I'd love to hear your take on Shit tests as I find your writing more relatable than some of the more advanced guys around here (as enlightening as they are).

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I got you, bro. I may write a post on this, but someone already wrote something similar a few months back about comfort tests.

If you want to see textbook shit-tests, go to a bar and talk to women. They're thinking about fucking everyone who engages them (but they're not sure...) so obvious shit-tests are obvious.

In the first few months of your MAP, you have to realize that you're just not on your wife's radar; she doesn't want your attention. Your wife might not actually be shit testing you (because that implies that she thinks she's interested in fucking you, but she isn't sure). She could be just disrespecting you, or not testing at all. Or you're still fucking things up and she's rightfully calling you out, but in a shitty way.

My method so far has been pretty simple; don't be stupid.

Here's what I mean:

  • You know when you do something stupid that might cause you to be shit-tested, so just don't do those things. (ex. making a frivolous purchase if you don't know that you have the money to cover it, leaving your own big mess after a project, dropping the ball on a commitment).
  • Don't do things to draw out a test. (ex. passive-aggressively not doing "her" chores just to "show her", being intentionally discourteous to another human)
  • Have a reason (in your own mind, don't DEER...) for every action you take and make sure that reason makes sense (again, to you. You're not going to argue logic with your wife).

If you know for yourself that you're not doing anything worthy of being tested, there's no reason you need to argue (or even answer), so you just don't. That's your Frame.

As your value and confidence increases, the things she pipes up with become sillier and sillier because you just aren't fucking things up; there's nothing real for her to pick at. That's when flicking the tests away becomes fun and easy because you already know they're bullshit.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good summary, and matches my experience as well. When you don't quite have your shit together yet, shit tests are hard because there's often a kernel of truth in them. You give in or DEER because you kind of realize that maybe she has a point.

As you start handling your shit, you get more confident that it really is just a shit test because you know you're on top of things.

Notice, by the way, that that's exactly how shit tests are "supposed" to work (from her perspective). She's testing to see if you have your shit together, so naturally they're easier to pass when you do in fact have your shit together.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

she could just be disrespecting you.

This is a deep concept. I like how the MRP way prevents it from being an early option because most guys haven't done the work on themselves to rule out deserving the lack of respect.

[–]JDRoedell0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is incredible. Thanks for sharing. It appears you saw good results only a few weeks into your awakening. I'm guessing you weren't that far off the mark pre-RP and obviously were never in a DB situation.

I'm about 4 months into my journey. Good changes are happening, sex frequency is up but quality is still not where I need it. Your FR gives me some good places to refocus my efforts. Thanks

[–]Persaeus0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Finally finished your novel. Will be reading it again as the lessons abound.

Both her mom and my mom were around so she may have been trying to impress the herd.

This seems to be very common. Again demonstration of power. My wife has four sisters, and the four + 2 BIL visited for 10 days at x-mas. Veritable shit/compliance test bonanza with incoming from all directions. Held frame pretty well through all of it (10x better that previous years...another 10x better next year is goal). December sex was max frequency for last six months. I am completely convinced, and your epic backs it 100%, the a woman's pussy is a wet-bulb barometer for a man's frame. The more it is tested and demonstrated the wetter it gets. I am beginning to see what the BPP means by "dancing monkey".

On the subject of your boys. It has been my experience that high intensity sports (travel soccer in my case, plus now school sports on top) will cure the nervous energy; and provide a plethora of other important lessons. Warning though - travel sports is a lot of work but will also provide a venue for showing secondary selection. Travel moms are way hotter than rec moms.

[–]2gunsgetsome[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It has been my experience that high intensity sports will cure the nervous energy; and provide a plethora of other important lessons.

Maybe this is a discussion for /r/redpillfatherhood, but so far, my experience has been that the more tired they are, the more relentlessly they fidget, cling, and do dumb shit. My older son (4.5) can focus on books, writing, or legos for quite a long time when he's rested. But the more exhausted from physical activities he becomes, the harder it is for him to follow instructions or perform basic functions.

The sass is exponentially higher when he's rested though, so maybe that's what I need to work out of him with sports...

Travel moms are way hotter than rec moms

What's your hypothesis on why that is? You know, for science.

[–]Persaeus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

For science...my hypothesis is it is an extension of the well established correlation between socio-economic class and health. Obviously we age and have kids, our life choices have a larger impact on hotness. Playing travel sports requires a wheelbarrow full of money, parents that got there shit together to execute logistics, and kids that got their shit together (unlike rec coach...travel coach will cut your ass if you can't follow instructions). Parents that have their shit together are more likely to have their health/appearance tight.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There's a concept in parenting that we tend to lag out style to their ages. In other words, the parenting skills that were a PITA for you to master at their given age begin to work well so naturally we're reluctant to adapt to their new age and cognitive development. Sleep is king at those ages, as is consistency. Get the sugar out of their diet - and I'm talking juice and everything w/ HFC (although you did say you guys already eat healthy). At show ages my daughter was pulling close to 12hrs a night with bed time at 7:30 max. She's in middle school now and she's still around 11hrs.
All of this to say, don't overlook the basics of diet and a lot of sleep as well as the fact that kids will protest just to test boundaries - especially when your frame is markedly different than your wife's. Also, don't hesitate to have a "coach" alter ego w/ their training. I coach my kids various sports teams and success lies in swift punishment and heavy rewards for great behavior.

[–]yyiiii0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for tracking your journey and posting this. Ever consider setting up a blog or Medium page? It would just make things easier to read/follow. You are a damn inspiration, thank you for modelling this process and sharing it. Rock on man.

1 question: What's a MFP app?

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