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FR: A few tips for life after divorce for the husband with no fault in the marriage

April 12, 2017

This is for guys who are divorcing / ending a LTR or considering it, based on my experience

You have improved, became a valuable man, gave your wife time and she didn't jump into your boat.

Nobody is perfect, but while your mistakes were acceptable, hers were not. What now?

1. Know why you are divorcing.

Divorce is a bureaucratic process that often takes a long time to complete. It is easy to stay down and consider not getting divorced when your wife comes to ask you to come back. While it may be ok to forgive her and decide to get together again, it is not ok to do this due to oneits, or for any reason other than a well thought out, reasonable, rational approach.

Make a list of the reasons why you are divorcing. Save it on your smartphone in order to have it always with you. This is what will keep your mind fresh and sane when you need. My list has over 20 items. Remember all the shit she has done to you, your kids, your family and friends, and write it down.

When you start the divorce process, more shit will happen, make sure to include those in your list as well. Save all the text messages with your soon to be ex. She will eventually do stuff that will hurt you even more. To a few good and close friends and family members, you can show how crazy she is. These are the only people that will give you emotional support.

Use the list of the reasons why you are divorcing when she starts to gaslight, making you doubt your decision. Check if what she was saying overcomes the problems you listed; from what happened with me and others I’ve talked, it rarely will.

2. Know that it is hard to be a man and be divorced without a fault on your side.

People don’t know what to tell you when you did everything right and your wife messed things up. They know what to say if the case was that you’ve cheated her, if you were a bad husband or father. It’s good for YOU to know that you did your best, and you did nothing wrong. But it’s hard for others to understand. And it’s hard to explain to plates when you start going after other girls. Nobody will give you emotional support. Girls will actually feel repulsed for the very fact that you didn’t do anything wrong in your marriage, don’t ever say this to them.

To the plates, I often tell that “my wife didn’t want to have sex anymore, was distant, along with a lot of other things”, or you can A&A then say "mistakes were made". If you go the other route, saying all the good things you did and yet your ex didn’t want you as a husband, the plate will see you as low value man. She will think: “if your best wasn’t enough for your ex, how can it be for me?”

3. If you have kids, your ex will be in your life until your kid is 18.

You will always be the father of her kid, and she will always be the mother of your kid, that’s for life. You will have to deal with your ex until your kid is 18. It's hard to ghost her before that. Your ideal scenario is joint custody, wich presupposes respect and harmony in the former couple.

If your ex is not happy, she will probably reflect that on your kid. This is the hardest shit, but inside your head, you must wish your ex to be happy with some guy.

The best scenario is that you and your ex become friends. Your kid would love this, it’s the best for the kid, if you can. But do it in a manly way: you are right in this divorce, so if she is giving you a bad time, this may not happen at all or happen only in the future. All you have to do is be stoic and don’t answer to her bullshits. Walk away when she is crazy, don’t answer her nonsensical provocations.

4. If you have kids, accept that you will have to pay something (a lot).

Since you or her leave the house, start paying something. The idea is that you build a historic that can be used in court later. Pay a decent amount, but not all you can, since she will probably ask for more in court.

Always talk to your lawyer before you start paying anything. Get the best lawyer your money can buy.

5. Your kids will be fine.

As long as you see your kids a decent amount of time, things between the kids and you will be the same. They will love you as much as they did before. Being married and being a father are separated things. There is, however, a small chance that your kid will experience divorce-related problems.

Be awesome with your kids when you are with them. Go for joint custody if you can.

6. You will need to make new friends.

If your friends are all married or on LTR, they will not fit in your new reality. Married friends have their family and business to run, and a lifestyle that probably doesn’t include going out late of the night on bars. They will help you with talks and shit, but they won’t be able to go out with you when you want find new girls.

Basically you will have to go out without the friends you know, in places you are not used to go, and will have to be social again. If you have divorced or single friends, go after them; otherwise, you will have to socialize to find new friends.

7. There is an awesome life for a divorced man out there.

It was the biggest surprise for me so far. Pretty, intelligent divorced and single women your age everywhere, for every tastes. No ONS or plate gave a shit for the fact that I am divorced and have a kid. It may be harder to find a LTR in the future, I’m not sure. But after being a long time in a marriage, who wants a relationship this fast? Give yourself some time.

You will be amazed by the amount of awesome single or divorced girls that are available for you to pick.

8. Girls will like you. There are few masculine men out there.

You go to a bar and there are guys younger, better looking and stronger than you, but they are lost in general. They have no game, they are not masculine, they only approach girls that throw themselves to the guy.

Girls told me that old-school men are the best. I am 38 years old. Be cool, secure, mock the girls, don’t pay their drinks (I recommend you pay for one beer, she pays the other), have a good time and they will think that you are the shit. And of course, lift heavy as if your cock depended on it, because it really does.

Edited to insert good considerations from the posts below.

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Post Information
Title FR: A few tips for life after divorce for the husband with no fault in the marriage
Author BrazilRedPill
Upvotes 68
Comments 43
Date April 12, 2017 7:48 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
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