[FR] Her response to OI after Hard "No"

December 18, 2015

This is a field report but also a request for insight into a response I got from the wife.


  • New MRP guy
  • Got a hard no twice in three days (5 days since last sex). She claimed stress for work issue.
  • Employed OI, kept stoic - did my own thing.
  • Received text from wife that night after the encounter and am looking for advice on what it means or indicates. (her: downstairs watching TV. Me: upstairs in bed already as I had to work early.)

Here is the text: "I want you to know what I frequently think but do not say: I am so grateful for your hard work and the life you provide for me and the girls. I am happy beyond measure and love you for that. I am sorry for feeling anxious tonight."

Part of me sees placating to the BP husband in me.. Another part sees praise for being a Captain and leading the ship (which I have been working on for the past year, even before my recent awakening.) What I don't see is sex. What does the forum see? Is this her reinforcing Beta behavior or the first inkling of her responding to RP behavior?

Detailed [FR] and some background on me:

Over the past two days I experienced two "hard no's." It's been about 5 days since our last interlude. I employed STFU and OI. I gave an indifferently toned "ok" and walked away. I've found the first few attempts at this to be extremely difficult for me. The Beta in me wanted to argue and negotiate but I refrained. It showed me just how "off" I have been for years. The second time I was turned down she claimed it was because she was stressed about a problem with her job she's having (which is true). She does get like this so I try to be understanding. I even said, "I can help you de-stress" (implying a good banging would help). It was still a "no" so I again responded with OI but this time she was like, "ok, let's talk about this," thinking I might be upset (i.e. go upstairs away from the kids). I calmly replied, "no really, it's fine. I'm not mad," and I sat down on the couch with the kids to watch TV.

We put the kids to bed and came downstairs. She came up to me sort of puppydog-faced, touching my arm and said, "we can still cuddle on the couch and watch TV." I had some work gear in the living room that I was putting away when this happened. I just kept doing what I was doing and said, "Nah, I've got some things I need to finish up and want to do after that." She seemed surprised but not mad and went into the TV room. I ALMOST fell for this but even the two weeks I've been on this reddit and reading the sidebar material was enough for me to recognize what this was.

After I finished organizing my gear I got on the computer to look at hobby related stuff (forums, blogs, videos, etc.) (I play the drums in a band as a hobby). She came back about 30 minutes later and said something to the effect of, "don't be mad, I'm just really stressed about the work thing." I said in a calm and agreeable tone, "I know you are...I'm not mad, really." (even though I was butthurt on the inside.)

My mind during this whole thing was in the "women control sex, men control commitment, attention and affection" theory. I didn't do it nastily or too abruptly but I wanted to start testing this dynamic.

Some bio stats on me: I literally just discovered (two weeks ago) the MRP. However, I have been on a mission (however misguided without MRP) over the past year to improve the sex life with the wife and become a better "leader" with the family, basically a better man. I feel I'm good with being the Captain in some respects but not in others and am trying to find ways to improve that. We are both 36, married 9 years, two kids. I'm not sure why, but for some reason I've found my sex drive to have gone even higher in the past 2-3 years, like crazy horny. Not what I would expect in my mid 30s. My wife's on the other hand....has never been very high (I now realize, as the red pill works its way down my gullet, that it may be my fault not hers). Our sex life is by no means in the "dead bedroom" zone. It's just less spectacular than I would like.

I know I am supposed to have read all of the sidebar before posting but I started seeing almost immediate behaviors elicited from the wife by employing MRP and wanted to get some feedback here from the experts on this most recent exchange. I am reading MMSLP, have read The Rationale Male, and been glued to MRP sub reddit soaking up FRs and other info. So in the words of Luke Skywalker to Yoda, "I promise to return and finish what I have begun, You have my word."

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Post Information
Title [FR] Her response to OI after Hard "No"
Author JDRoedell
Upvotes 21
Comments 98
Date December 18, 2015 3:17 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MarriedRedPill
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/fr-her-response-to-oi-after-hard-no.200570
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3xcp57/fr_her_response_to_oi_after_hard_no/
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