I get the tedious shit tests rarely. Usually it's something I can simply give a firm "yes" or "no" to and make it clear through tonality that I have no desire to discuss it further.

However I got one yesterday that was far beyond the usual:

The Scene

She's sick with fever, muscle aches... basically presenting with a flu, sitting on the couch which is a few feet from the back sliding door. The back door is open. It's a nice day and the light breeze feels nice. I'm downstairs waiting on my coffee so I can go back upstairs and work. I am currently sitting next to the sliding glass door that is open.

My thoughts are in the quote indents.


Her: You can close the back door if you want.

Really... we're going to play the "if you want" game right now. You're sick and you are trying to lure me into this... the worst game plauyed between two people passing through a room?

Me: "I don't want. It's nice outside. Close it if you want."

I can only remove my covert contracts... not hers... and this is setting up to be one.

Her: But it's a little cold in here.

Me: "So do you want me to close it or not? I'm about to go back upstairs."

Her: If you want.

Yup. She never wins this. I smell shit in 4...

Me: "Okay. I don't want. I don't care. I'm going upstairs. I'm going to ask you one more time: Do you want the backdoor opened or do you want the back door closed?" I was now moving to the kitchen to get my coffee.

3...

Her: Getting exasperated: But it's kind of cold.

2...

Me: Walking up the stairs: "Then close it." As I get to the top of the stairs...

1...

Her: I hope I don't get terminally ill or something because you don't care about me.

WARNING WARNING WARNING SHIT TEST IN EFFECT...

Me: At the top of the stairs overlooking the living room:

"You told me I could close it if I wanted to. I don't want to. You then attempted to turn your permission for me to close the door into me refusing your wishes. I don't want it closed, you do. You never asked for it to be closed... you tried to give permission for me to do so. If you want something... ask for it, until then, stop trying to label me as an asshole for not doing the thing you never asked me to do."

I then just walked into my office. She was pleasant for the rest of the day.

Perhaps this wasn't the cleanest way to handle it... you know, acta non verba but tingles ain't happening until she's better and I'm not interested in catching whatever she has, so I saw this as a rare opportunity to spell it out in harsh terms. Actions speak louder than words, but words speak in detail.

I'm all for helping her out when she's sick just as I would like her to help me out when I'm sick... but she has to ask for things. Not create these little covert contracts where I have her permission to do things for her.

Takeaway

Gents, I want you to realize that we aren't the only ones who make covert contracts, she makes them too and by falling into them you endorse them as far as she is concerned. Her covert contracts are like the EULAs everyone signs blindly... you buy into them the moment you accept and are powerless against them.

My wife, here, attempted to give me permission to close the door for her buy framing it as "If you want." She knows she can't just say "Close that door" because I will say "Close it yourself, princess." but instead of asking, which is submissive on her part, she chose to make a covert contract wherein if I closed the door, she wins. I chose to bypass that contract, decline the EULA, and refuse to use the product.

My opinion is that she felt weak, vulnerable, and helpless being sick and attempted to garner some power over me with this permission of hers... I'm sick and I'm going to use it to get what I want.

Don't blindly press that "Accept" button.