I developed a new trick in my repertoire to deal with my wife on a number of occasions.

Let me tell you a story

I have your attention. You will read this because reasons.

Let's step back in time a few months.

My wife, though she had a tubal done after our second kid, still takes BC pills. She does it to stop her periods. Every so often she is supposed take the sugar pill so the period starts. Typically this is every 3 months, but medically, there is nothing wrong with simply never doing it. She decided to do it on a whim.

side note: I've been wanting her off of them but the last time I made that recommendation was pre-RP when my word was worth shit.

So she comes off the pill and her period barely starts. "What should I do?" she asks.

"Just stay off until you get it... it's only been 2 days and you haven't done it in a while."

So she gets her period on day 3... for 4 days. She notices that her weight dropped 5 lbs over the week. She has been at the gym hard (yay me and my dread-making body) so sudden weight loss makes her happy. She tells me the "news" (I knew it would happen.)

"Good to hear. Your body is no longer under the impression you are carrying a baby. I bet you aren't as thirsty anymore either."

"How did you know?"

"I'm a doctor," (I'm not) I said with a grin.

"A doctor, huh?"

"Your OB/GYN, to be exact... Now come here so I can give you a full exam." (no sex... kids were all over the house... but it I we came later.)

Her weight went down further and stayed down (it was all water weight... but she doesn't care.)

Fast-forward to two weeks ago

She decides after her last period that she doesn't like periods (still) and is going back on the pill. "K." I said. (she knows my opinion of it and simply telling me was a shit test.) I just said ,k, like a text message. I didn't even look at her. just, k.

One week ago

She gains 6 lbs in a week (cue: my surprise.) "I think I'm going to go off the pill again. I gained 6 lbs this week!"

"k." (this one wasn't a shit test... but a pre-test to see if she should start shit testing me.)

"What's going to happen if I stop after a week?" (shit test on stand-down. note the "I" statement: this isn't a comfort test, but it is an inquiry into her health.)

"Your body will think you miscarried. You'll have a period that may last longer and be heavier... then you will go back to normal."

"So my cycle will start when I start bleeding again?"

"That's how it's supposed to work."

"I love you."

"Of course you do." Then I slapped her on the ass and walked away.

New guys: Believe it or not, not parroting "I love you" back to her and instead, fogging her statement and walking away actually is a reward for that retarded little rodent in her head. The words "I love you" are not a reward, Tinglez^^TM are a reward. Chad gives tingles and she will do anything for Chad. Beta-Bill says I love you and she continues to let him orbit her.

"Of Course You Do."

An innocuous statement in and of itself, but powerful if used in the right context I've found. These 4 little words basically allow me to mix fogging and cocky/funny and agree/amplify all in one phrase. I can use it to respond to simple statements or I can use it to respond to shit tests. I use variations: Of course you are, of course you do, of course I am, et.c.

I've been using this phrase, as of late, to show support, sympathy, self-absorbed cockiness, or to simply be agreeable.

This little phrase gives the impression that I agree with her. Sometimes I do... sometimes I don't, but the phrase always gives the impression. This is known as fogging (See: WISNIFG.)

Examples:

I'm so tired today

of course you are. (The implication being that I recognize all the important things she did today to make her tired.)

My sister is driving me crazy

of course she is. (The implication being that I recognize all the same shitty behaviors in her sister as she does... and the further implication that I agree with her.)

I love you.

of course you do (The implication being that there is nothing about me that she can't love... and if there are, the Tinglez^^TM that I give her daily make her forget what they are.)

You're an asshole.

Of course I am. -with a grin (The implication being that I agree that I'm an awesome masculine specimen that confounds her makes her want me more.)

you only care about yourself

Of course you do. -with a grin (The implication being I don't recognize nonsense from outside my frame and I am, instead flipping the script in a nondescript way... is he saying I only care about him... or that I only care about me? I'm already not in the room anymore or I've asked what was for dinner.)

Epilogue

Using this little "trick" has allowed me to maintain aloofness, agreeability, and a little bit of mystery. It allows me to say so much in so little, giving me the uncanny ability to say much while STFU.

As for the BC Pills: Being off the BC pills the last few months was a cool, refreshing blast: Libido is more spontaneous, when she's wet... she wet, she's more energetic (with everything) she complains less, she shit tests more, but they are half-hearted as long as she gets my sweetness regularly and I'm busy doing something important. Basically, she's a real-live woman, fully on... not some version stuck in demo mode.