You are prioritizing your needs. Always. Regardless of outcome. You have since learned how liberating this is. And how surprisingly easy it is. And how void-of-any-downside this is. You no longer feel guilty about your needs. You no longer barter for your needs. You no longer focus on someone else's needs. You no longer look at needs as anything other than something you own and are entitled too; you were born with them, they were anointed yours, and they are yours and yours alone. If you were prone to think of logic - which you now realize is often futile - you will appreciate how logical this really is - after all, you've been put on this planet earth for you, and only you, so why focus on anyone or anything else?
At the same time you will come to realize that the world is not logical, that logic can only take you so far, that the world is full of chaos, disorder, and anarchy, and that you must be - or at least be comfortable rolling with - chaos, disorder, and anarchy - especially if you want more than to simply succeed, but instead, to thrive and to win. I get it, your slide rule gets your spreadsheet done, but there's more to life than your fucking spreadsheets.
You are a demanding mother-fucker. You are bossing your wife around. You are even pushing her around, sexually. You will push her boundaries, sexually. She will surprise you - perhaps - and push your own. You won't (1) second-guess this, (2) over-think this, (3) wonder why she's doing this, (4) ask questions about her past sexuality, or (5) wonder - as so many of you assholes so regularly do - if she's [a] cheating, [b] thinking about cheating, [c] contemplating cheating, [d] analyzing cheating, [e] looking at photos of nude men, [f] dreaming of cock, [g] browsing plenty of fish, [h] dialing hook-up numbers at the back of the times, or the like - but instead - you will simply enjoy it. E-N-J-O-Y. There's no "wondering," "speculating," or "worrying" in enjoy.
You might even realize that the dude who wrote - last week - in this same sub - that you can't have as much passion twenty years into a relationship - or 15 in my case - as you could at the beginning - might possibly be wrong - and that some people can actually have more - way more. It's weird, perhaps, but it's true. I wouldn't have believed it myself.
At the same time, you will stop focusing on your wife anyway and instead focus elsewhere, perhaps even too much, reminding you occasionally not to get your dumbass back in this same position again, and reminding you further, maybe, that you were prone to ignoring her in the first place and, hey, look where that got you. Your shit is so together, now, that all you need is the brief reminder and nothing more. While perhaps putting on a belt was hard for your prior, you are now juggling a hundred things, even a thousand, and prioritizing and executing and succeeding. So all you need is that one simple reminder and nothing more. No longer is the proverbial ship hurtling towards inevitable wreck on a dark and stormy night; instead, you simply adjust, you move, and you evolve.
Your body will be holy-fucking-shit hot. Even to you. Yes, you will be surprised by how hot your body is. You will think "damn, I used to envy a body like this on the cover of a magazine like that" and then one day you will catch your reflection in the mirror, or the passing pane of a bus stop, or in the window of a nearby parked car, and you will think "holy shit." You might instinctively want to think lots of other things but you are, simply, amazed. Stunned even. This is perhaps the hundredth time you've had such a thought, but this time it hits you hard.
If you've been thinking things like "holy shit" then you will start thinking even crazier things, like "look how fucking muscular my neck is and how good I look wearing v-collars - not dumbass musclebound meathead asshole v-collars down to your waist - but cool v-collars that you'd see on a part-time model sunbathing in Formentera on a warm summer's day."
Above all, though, you won't fucking think "damn, if only"…
- "If only I'd done this sooner."
- "If only I'd done that sooner."
- "If only."
- "If."
- Fuck that sailor. Even if you're not a sailor, like stony was, fuck that.
Speaking of which, you stop catastrophizing in general. Yah, that's a word. And a behavior. Sure those reactionary behaviors were helpful once when you lived in fear for your life each day because a sabre tooth tiger had been hunting your tribe since you left eastern Mongolia, but shit dude, they're not so helpful today just because your TPS reports aren't ready.
Back to the v-neck above, you will occasionally think "damn, I've become shallow and I am focused on looks and muscles and veins and protein powder and creatine and testosterone and my neck" and that will only last a minute - and those minutes will become even smaller over time - turning into mini-minutes - and you'll think "fuck you asshole of course you are hot and of course your neck looks good and right now I have the hottest neck amongst this sea of collared-shirt-wearing, not-so-good-neck-showing assholes, and you know what, that's the goddamn real way of the world and that's my reality and that's the way it should be and forever will be."
And your wife, whose past boyfriend was a bodybuilder, whom she injected in the ass on the regular, well, she is insanely hot over your body. My body. Shit, how'd my wife get into this. Well, we'll give her one entry and that's it. My body makes her wet.
Oh, and since the wife got one mention I have to point out how you won't think "wow, do I make her as wet as her hot, bodybuilding ex-boyfriend?" You won't think that because you're neither (1) an asshole, nor (2) an inbred west virginia coal miner, nor (3) an anemic homosexual dumbass who doesn't know his ass from his elbow, nor are you (4) a douchebag who knows by heart the lines of every rick and morty show and where all the loot is hidden in fortnite… fuck you.
If you have struggled with X, or Y, or Z, then you will have conquered those struggles. Why? Because you have finally recognized, months, maybe years ago, that those struggles, perhaps struggles with addiction, were defining you, and maybe they were beating you down, and maybe they were even defeating you until that day you chose to win, to win it all, to win at all costs, and let nothing defeat you. That thing you want, to be the best man you can be, it is your new mission, or maybe it was always your mission, but now you're like the bionic man who can beat anyone and anything, even the bionic sasquatch, so you have a bionic mission. Just remember, though, your mission is but a part of your larger vision, and your vision is the most important of all. It took you years, but you finally figured that out.
You will write a post like this and for a brief moment you will think of the dumbass blue pill - stupidest phrase ever - next to red pill - assholes who will look at this post and criticize, and point out how pathetic you are, and they'll have lots of valid and logical and understandable reasons why - and you will realize that many men thinking that would love a day in your shoes and many women would love more - even if, of course, they cannot admit that and never will 'till their dying days - even if, further, they can't even appreciate the error of their ways because they have not traveled along the path you have traveled - they have not scaled the mountain you have scaled - and they have not arrived at the promised land - a land that - with jaded eyes and a clouded heart - you yourself did not believe in when simply putting one foot in front of the other so long ago.
You will find within you the mastery of your mind, that beguiling beast of a creature that has martyred you for years. You will find satisfaction. You will find peace. You will learn to conquer your mind and understand that it is but one part amongst many, a piece of a larger whole, and you may even learn to turn down the noise, and tune the radio to one station instead of listening to them all at the same time, drowning out your mission and your vision with so much rumbling in the background.
But you will not be satisfied with that peace because you are chasing something larger, something fleeting, something running faster than your own abilities to harness it. But you will chase it down and defeat it - and that is the next big thing, the next new adventure, and the next world to conquer.
p.s. This is real. No homo, homo.
p.p.s. One last point, for advanced3 - next chapter, next year - which this in some ways already is - understanding that I rode the expedited route, sort of like the crazy train:
You fear nothing. You fear no one. You live for yourself. You conquered that one last thing that challenged you - anhedonia - and you suspect it took nothing more than an increase in testosterone. Real anhedonia. Real adrenal fatigue. And real - and insane - results. All with a little injection. Of course that came after you conquered your early death itself, which took a little longer and was a little harder. But did result in what you were looking for. Shit.
You will approach any woman at any time. You will defend yourself and your family under any and all circumstances. You will not put up with shit, ever, while remaining cognizant of the craziness in the hearts and minds of men. You will beat your opponents, you will catchup to those who have lapped you, you will want it more than anyone else, whatever that "it" may be.
You actually believe all this crazy shit above.
But, balancing the scales, you look back and realize "I've conquered so much, so often, so hard, and so furiously" and wonder "what more is there to conquer" and you'll go fucking find it and you'll do it and in the process you'll do her and you'll do her a lot.
p.p.p.s. If you don't like my post, go fuck yourself and regret your behavior after - keeping in mind that I curse you to a life of mediocrity and servitude. Besides, if you really don't like my post then I bet even your kids don't respect you. And, your parents are not proud of you. Plus, your boss is gonna give that raise to the other dude, even worse the intern. As for your TPS reports, well, fuck you, they suck. No one would ever create an entire television series around your shitty reports. You probably like golf instead of football. And in the world of golf you are more like that asian girl than Tiger Woods, asshole.
